Apartment 302

“He’s moving in with you?!” my best friend asks with a false anxiety from the other end of the phone.

“We are just friends Melissa, relax, he will never see me the way that I see him, plus, he is only moving in with me because it’s cheaper and we just both happen to go to school in Boston,” I say calmly hoping it relaxes her. I am freaking out on the inside, but I can’t let her see that because she will freak out too.

That’s the type of friend Melissa is, she doesn’t care if she has an exam or a job interview, she would get on a plane from LA, where she is enrolled in cosmetology school, if I told her I got a papercut.

“What if he likes you?” she asks with a certain mischievous tone in her voice that makes me a little uneasy.

“He doesn’t, okay? Trust me,” I become slightly annoyed with her.

“I’m just saying, maybe something will happen and you two will fall madly in love.”

“In my dreams”

”I know, but it’s possible,” she says as I pick at the countertop I just cleaned, “but if he tries to pull any crap, just to mess around with you, I will get on a plane home and beat his ass.”

“I know you would, but, I gotta go, I said I would meet my brother for lunch.” I lie, sure I feel bad, but one little lie won’t hurt.

“Okay, love you babe”.

“Love you too”.

I sit down on my bed and let myself deflate, letting go of the calm and collected front I was putting up for Melissa. Then it hit me, the love of my life is moving in with me tomorrow. My hands start to tremble as the realization sets in. I begin to panic before realizing, if anything goes wrong, I can just bring in the Mighty Melissa and she will get me out of my own mess.

Plus, tonight, I have the apartment to myself. So obviously, I am going to order Chinese food and watch as many hours of Lord of the Rings as I possibly can before I start freaking out and stress cleaning everything.

After endless hours of watching movies and stopping myself from cleaning the entire apartment building, I decide to go to bed. I rinse off in the shower, brush my teeth and tame my long black hair, to the best of my ability. When I am finally under the comfort of my freshly washed sheets, I become restless with thoughts of everything I need to do before KJ gets here, making a mental to-do list.

1. Clean the entire apartment (again)

2. Shower (again)

I know I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.

I wake up to Somebody to Love blaring in my ear, why did I set my alarm to play the radio? Of all of the songs, it just had to be this one. I love Queen but really, now? I drag myself into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and a bagel.

I take my time getting ready and cleaning so that everything is perfect for KJ.

He texts me when he is parked so I can meet him in the lobby to help with his bags. When I get to the lobby he drops his carefully stacked luggage and engulfs me in a warm scented hug, he is wearing the perfect amount of cologne, sure it is the same one every twenty-two-year-old guy wears, but for some reason, it always smells sweeter on him.

Killian Jacobson, KJ for short, is not someone you are just “friends” with, he is gentle, considerate, a bit cocky at times because he knows he’s hot, but he doesn’t judge you for being who you are. He gives off a “bad boy” vibe with the way he looks and dresses, but when you talk to him he is the complete opposite. He is the perfect man, for me anyway, minus one small detail, he doesn’t love me back, not the way I love him at least.

“I missed you,” he says in my ear as we pull apart from our hug.

“I missed you too, but right now, we should get these bags up to the apartment and get you settled,” I say as I reach for a bag. "then we can celebrate".

“Okay, okay, let’s go” He picks up the heavy bags leaving me to carry only a few.

“Hey, leave one or two of those, I’m a big girl, I can handle it” I try to sound sarcastic but it comes out with an annoyed tone.

“Sorry” He lets a bag fall gently to the floor before looking up to meet my eyes

I slap my forehead wishing I had just kept my big mouth shut, “I didn’t mean it like that, I-I just meant that you don’t have to carry those heavy bags all the way to the apartment by yourself”.

“Oh, okay,” he looks at me sheepishly and gives me a small smile, “I don’t mind much.”

“I’m still taking that bag though,” I lunge forward just as he does and we bonk heads.

Kj’s bags must be heavy because he gets a look of terror on his face, realizing why he is panicked, I try to stop and catch him but he is moving too fast. He knocks me over and we fall to the floor in a heap. KJ is on top of me and when he goes to get up he struggles because our bags are all tangled in each other

“Can you help me get these off of my back? I can’t get up,” He looks around to see if anyone is watching, but there is no one in the room.

“I can try my best,” I laugh.

I lift myself up and I pull the biggest bag off of his shoulder while he holds himself up so he isn’t laying on top of me. I didn’t realize the bag was so heavy, my arm gives out and it drops to the floor with a thud.

I have to wrap my arms around him to get the second one because I know I will end up hurting my arm if I try to take the weight like I did the first one. As I reach my arm around him, I lift my chest up a bit to get a better angle. His face goes red as our chests connect and he repositions awkwardly on top of me.

“Thank you,” He meets my eyes, not changing positions. Our breathing is heavy as we lay there, not breaking eye contact, tension rising.

Even just the second or two of this is too much, Apparently, he thinks so too because he clears his throat and says, "We should get going" while breaking eye contact harshly.

I don’t know if I should tell Melissa about this or not, probably not, seeing as she would flip out for me and be like my mom whenever I would tell her I liked a boy.

As we get back up to the apartment I help him move his things into his new room. I unload what few decorations he has, when I come across a beautifully framed photo of KJ and a girl that looks so perfect. I’m not sure if it makes me want to die or kill her. They are hugging each other and the look in his eye says what he doesn’t have to, he is as in love with her as I am with him.

I almost break down in tears, my head feels as if it might explode, struggling to hold back a sob, I stare intensely at the picture of my worst nightmare coming true. KJ will never look at me the way that he looks at that woman, my fingers go numb with rage, mostly at myself, and my ears go pink with embarrassment. Why did I ever think that maybe I had a shot with him? I feel beyond stupid.

“Amara,” I hear a voice through the red noise.

“Amara, did you hear me?” asks KJ in a curious tone. I look up to meet his piercing blue eyes and I feel as if he is looking into my soul, learning my deepest, darkest secret.

“Sorry, what?” I shake my head and put the picture on the bedside table where it belongs, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Can you believe we are actually doing this? Moving in together?” he lifts his arms and gestures around the room, spinning in a slow, lazy, circle.

“Y-yeah, crazy right?” I stammer.

“This is going to be so much fun, us hanging out all the time as pals!” he exclaims with excitement.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I reply with sarcasm lingering in my voice as I glance back at that awful picture, wishing with every bone in my body that I was that stunning girl with the curly deep brown hair, dewey dark skin, and honey brown eyes that could go on forever. I wish I was Killian Jacobson’s girlfriend. Wow. That feels good to admit to myself.

“What do you mean, “You guess so”?” He holds up his fingers in air quotes and nearly scowls at me, “This is going to be fucking awesome!” his tone lifts and he seems content, so I leave the conversation at that.

We decide to watch Lord of the Rings, at KJ’s request, I don’t tell him that I watched them all yesterday. I am a huge fan so I don’t really mind. We stay up late watching movies and eating vanilla ice cream and popcorn drizzled in dark chocolate.