Elias, Forever

“It had taken me a while to realize that Elias was not in my world, we were all in his. The many times where life seemingly had an end, would all dissolve when he talked. He knew what others did not, and reached for what others didn’t want. To me, everything was a problem with a solution, but Elias had no answer. All the things in my world could fit into categories, but Elias never would. He was Elias, always. Elias, forever.”

Prologue:

The buzzing streets of New York had never been my thing. Really, it had been my mom who moved us from the quiet town of Almont, Michigan to find work in the city. She had developed a community in New York with other mosque-goers, yet still never seemed to find the right place. I guess my dad’s death in Afghanistan still left a gap in her world. I knew she would never go back to her old self, and she seemed to know it too, desperately trying to fill the hole with prayer, as I filled mine with cannabis and narcotics.

My thoughts seemed to depart as my friend, Hasan, jumped on my back. “Dude! Not this again! My shirt’s crinkled now!“, I complained. He laughed, “Relax man, don’t give me that posh shit.” I sighed and picked up my fallen jacket.

Hasan and I had been friends since I moved here two years ago, and he had been the same as always. He didn’t know about my past issues with substance abuse and I would prefer to keep it that way.

He was always jumping, laughing, and telling jokes. I smiled at the memory, which, all too suddenly was interrupted by the bus honk at the front of the school.

Junior year, same as tenth grade, but harder (and nothing like the movies). Hasan and I caught up to our friend, Jules, and he attacked her with a big hug.

Jules shrieked. “ARGH-! HASAN! Yuck, first day of school and you’re already pulling shit like this.”

Hasan teased her, “You’re such a loser Joo, bet you missed your boyfriend more than me, huh?”

I cringed.

Since 9th grade, people had been trying to put me and Jules together. Unbeknownst to them, both of our situations. Jules shot back, “NO WAY! NOT THIS AGAIN!?” I could see the frustration boiling in her, but Hasan was still not aware of her feelings for him.

She turned and gave me a sympathetic look. She knew.

Jules knew everything about me. She was the only person there for me when I was battling acid and cannabis. She is my biggest support system. I came out to Jules the summer of tenth grade and she had told me that she would always be there and accept me. Plus I already knew she had a thing for Hasan.

Hasan laughed as Jules stormed off. “What’s wrong with you, man?“, I sighed.

He was so dense. They had known each other since grade school. I huffed and walked off to class, with Hasan trailing behind me and repeatedly asking ‘what did I do?’.

______________________________________________________________________________

I was packing up my books as the bell rang, quickly pulling my backpack over my shoulder and rushing out. My mom wanted me to get back early today for some reason. I thought it might be just another guest she brought over, or her Islamic book club she kept pushing me to join. I don’t think a bunch of middle-aged women would appreciate a self-proclaimed edgy teen pushing space on them and their club.

I walked up the stairs to the 4th floor of the apartment and opened the door with my keys. It was always a surprise with my mother but I suppose I should’ve known she was unsatisfied with our life, still. I could always tell that she was missing something, and it was holding her back. I sighed in frustration as I struggled to turn the key jammed in the 70-year-old apartment lock. Finally getting it open, the door creaks as I step in and take off my shoes.

My mom ran up to me and gushed as she hastily sat me down to talk. I put my backpack down and asked her what was going on. “Mom? Mom! What’s wrong? What is it?” I asked, worried.

She began, “We’re moving again! To Oklahoma! Your grandpa wants us back there isn’t this exciting?!”

I gawked at her. Held straight for a solid minute. I had so many questions racing through my head. What? When? Why? Oklahoma? Didn’t she run away from grandpa? Didn’t he hate us? Why now? My mother didn’t seem to mind that I had gone blank and instead, went to go grab a glass of water for me from the kitchen.

“Amazing isn’t it? My dad wants us back!” She continued, “We should be thankful, who would still want their child after they go running away from home to get married?” My face crinkled. She had always thought of herself so lowly in this aspect. How she was never worthy of being taken back because she ran away to find love.

My mother had run away with my father many years ago, to start their own family. She had mentioned her father a few times, but never in detail. I knew that she was happy and that she missed where she grew up. Mama never talked about her childhood and how her life was back then, so I went off assumption.

I looked up at her and saw her eyes gleaming with hope. I had never met my grandfather but why would I want to meet someone who told their child to never come back after their marriage?

That night I phoned my friends and told them. Everything seemed surreal and it went by so quickly. I would like to say I understood everything that was happening, but in two weeks, my mother and I had packed up, and I was still in a daze.

Roberta, Oklahoma it was.