Chapter 1
The trees pass by as we get further and further from my childhood home. It's been two hours and I haven’t looked anywhere but the window trying to convince myself that it’s not real. That we would turn around and it would all go back to normal. But it won’t It can’t.
“Oh and the yard is so big we could build another house in it,” My mother says you could hear the joy in her voice as she talked about the new house. I could tell that the smile and the joy she showed were an act sometimes just for my benefit. She has been trying for the past month to try and convince me how perfect the place was but there is one thing that she and my father would never understand. This place would never be home it couldn’t be. It isn’t where I had all my birthday parties, where there is a hole in the wall because 10 years old me thought playing soccer in the house was a good idea, and where my sister walked around she owned the place.
But she is why we left because I had too many memories of her there. It was deiced without me that I had to leave that it wasn’t healthy for me to be there. Everyone was convinced I had to get away but all I could think was I’m leaving her behind.
Her name was Alexis or as I called her Lexi. She never stopped smiling, she was always happy. Whenever I was sad she had the way of always making me feel better I have no idea how she did it. But life has a way of fucking everything up you may have noticed that the way I talk about her is past tense. She was on her way to pick me up so we could go to a movie when a drunk driver hit her. He lived she didn’t he gets to walk free she doesn’t It’s unfair. It was only 4 PM who is drunk that early. We always wanted to do things early so we didn’t have to deal with people like that guess we were wrong, time doesn’t matter.
I lost my other half that day and everyone says it’s best to move on to let it go but how can I do that when everything I do reminds me of her. We did everything together. We were only a year apart. We are the best of friends..... Where best friends
I tuned out my mom's talking and continued to look out the window. Hours passed the sun has set and we still weren’t there. I hoped we never got there that we would just drive forever. Eventually, we pulled into a driveway of a house twice the size of ours. I slowly made my way out of the car.
“Your bedroom is the last door on the right upstairs,” My father said This is the first time he has spoken directly to me still hasn’t looked at me tho. I just wanted to scream at him that I was still here that he only lost one of us, not both. I just looked at him and gave a small nod and walked inside. I walked around looking at the picture hung up as I made my way to my room. All of my stuff was there plus some extra new stuff to fill the huge room. There was one thing I noticed that was missing but not just from my room from the whole house.
I made my way through the house looking for my parents. “Where are they I asked” My mother looked down at the ground knowing exactly what I was talking about
With his back to me, my father spoke ” We aren’t talking about this right now let it go”
“She is dead doesn’t mean we have to pretend she doesn’t exist” I yelled they both looked shocked it was the first time I had said out loud that she had passed “You guys keep saying how unhealthy it is for me to be this sad that I need to move on what like you guys did just cutting her out of our lives she was your daughter and your acting like she was never her, well guess what she was and everyone deserves to know that just because you guys can’t handle it doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t” My mom had tears in her eyes as she looked at me while my father just looked pissed.
“Go to your room” He yelled back at me. I walked back to my room and sat on my bed I pulled out my phone and went to the voice mail from September 15.
“Hey girly I’m on my way to come to get you now so be ready Love you see you in a few” It ends and I look at my phone
“I love you too” I whisper I can feel the tears running down my face. I didn’t answer her maybe if I had answered I could have stopped it somehow just maybe. I lay down closing my eyes trying not the think about it trying my focus on anything else.
I woke up the next morning with light shining in my eyes. I turned my back to the window facing the wall. My door creaked open and someone walked in. “Honey are you awake,” My mom asked standing at the end of my bed. I didn’t reply I just stared at the blank wall. “You start your senior year in a few days I thought maybe you would want to go get some new clothes”
I still said nothing hoping if I didn’t answer she would just go away. My bed dipped she didn’t leave. “She wouldn’t want to see you like this,” She said softly like if she said it any louder I would shatter into a million pieces and maybe I would have ” She would want you to be happy”
She was right I knew that but I felt broken I felt like glass once it’s broken it can never be the same again. You can always put the pieces back together but they will never be fixed. All I could think was she deserves to be here. “I miss her” I whispered
“I know baby I know” She pulled me into her arms and hugged me.
