Angle

"I know so many last words. But I will never know her. " John Green, Looking for Alaska

In the famous words of any person in a sad YouTube comment section; " your skin isn't paper, don't cut it..." blah blah blah, in hindsight, that advice would have been very useful; but the damage has already been done. The deep horizontal line that litters my arms, thighs, and stomach; as if I had been brutally attacked by a kitten have, for the most part, healed.

Some of the deep wounds are still open slightly, but they'll close up eventually. I honestly don't have a plain reason why I self-harm.

Maybe because it helps relax me, or it might be because I had an f-up childhood, either way I do.

I remember when I first started, it was right after my mom kicked my dad out. (Because he had been sleeping with my 4th grade math teacher.) I remember feeling so alone and helpless; like I was drowning in a sea of my own sorrow. I remember going into the bathroom to grab the tissues, and I had seen one of my dad's straight razors he kept, Because it quote unquote " has a cleaner cut." Anyway, I had grabbed it and remembered thinking this was my way out, that it could end all my pain; and for a little while it did.

But as I got older and the more I did it, the more I had to hide the scar. I started to wear hoodies and sweats, and started staying in my room more. Even for a little while i stopped eating. Then finally one day I was in the gym and some kid thought it would be funny to pull up my jacket; but when they did instead of everyone laughing, they all went silent. Like on, one could believe their eyes. Long story short, my mom and dad was called and I got sent to the hospital.

When I got out my parents thought it would be better if my dad moved back in, and I switched schools.

Anyways, now that you're all caught up, let the horrifying tale of my life begin.

"Angle... Angel sweety wakes up" my mom's soft voice hummed, she always woke me up on the first day of school. It's kind of a tradition her mom, my grandma started when she was little. She gently dabbed my slumbering body until I opened my eyes, she smiled at me, her deep brown eyes shined with adoration as she looked into my eyes that mirrored hers. "Time for school love" she said, starting to walk out the door once she knew for sure I was up.

I stayed there, wrapped in the comfort and softness of my Duvet; relishing in the feeling of contentment and warmth that I was forced to leave behind. When my feet finally did hit the cold marble floor, I found myself immediately missing my bed.

I walked to my closet and picked out my usual attire which consists of; my dad's old college hoodie that's been washed one too many times so the print has faded, and some old sweatpants. I collected my outfit, and headed to the bathroom to shower.

Once done, I went downstairs where both of my parents were waiting for me. They started doing that after I got home from the hospital; as if they're both waiting for the day I don't come down. My dad handed me my keys and kissed my tight cheek, while my mother kissed my left.

The school wasn't that far, maybe 5 mins away, so I got there 30 minutes early. I had time to find my locker and classes on my own. My first class was history, the door was decorated with historical figures and monuments, and in the middle were bold green letters spelling 'Mr. Bells'. Which I'm guessing is his name, on the side was a small picture of him; in the photograph one could tell he was balding in the center of his head. Mr. Bells was also slightly overweight, and wrinkles all over his face; yet by his smile he seemed nice.

Inside the classroom the desks were in groups of four, with name tags on the back of them. Meaning I would actually have to interact with people at freaking EIGHT in the morning. My assigned seat was located in the front of the room, right next to the window. The person next to me wasn't in class yet; but her name tag read 'Jessica Brookes'.

Just as I was about to sit down this girl with bright purple hair stumbled in, her book bag was hanging halfway off her shoulder and she had multiple books in her arms that were starting to tumble to the ground. I quickly rushed over to her, grabbing some of her books. "Omg, thank you sooo much!" she quickly said, practically running for her seat; after putting down her stuff in the seat next to mine she turned on her heels to face me. Jessica (which I assume is her name since she's sitting in that seat), had freckles scattered across her nose area, and some on her forehead. Her eyes were light blue; like the early morning sky, and her purple hair was cut short and the underside was black.

She smiled brightly at me, holding out her hand. "I'm Jessica, Nice to meet you." she said loudly, but before I could say anything the bell rang, late students and the teacher walked in. " Angle." I murmured, I quickly turned around to pay attention to the class.