Potential!!

"I think you have something good going here!! I enjoyed reading through this, the world feels very well realized and your characters have distinct voices, so great job with that!! :) This may be personal aesthetics on my part, but I would suggest you play around with your formatting. Experiment with starting a new paragraph every time someone new is talking - in my experience, it helps conversations flow a bit better and can help a reader differentiate descriptions and dialogue. I found it made a big difference in my writing once I integrated that. Also, this is going to sound super nitpicky, but make sure your quotation marks are facing the correct directions. Overall, I am super excited to see where the story goes from here and I love your world and characters! Good job :)"