Condemned

“He’s coding!” The sound of the alarms were blaring around me, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even open my damn eyes. I was paralyzed, well, actually, I’m pretty sure I was dying.

“Give him a dose of epi and charge to 200.” I could hear the sound of the paddle machine and the loud flatline. “Clear!”

Open your eyes, c’mon, you asshole.

The sound of the flatline seemed to grow louder as I heard the doctor call, “Charge to 300. We are not losing you tonight, Benji.” My body jolted upward and I wanted to scream for them to stop but the machines and my lack of response were telling them to keep trying.

“Again!” This doctor was resilient to say the least. With a third jolt, my eyes shot open and I filled my lungs with air. “Oh, thank God.” She dropped the paddles and took out her light to shine it in my eye. It took me a minute or two before I could speak.

“No, thank you.” I said between breaths. She glared at me as I showed my exhausted, blood ridden grin.

“Wipe that smile off your face before your sister gets in here, Mr. Elliot.” She looked away from me and nodded to the guy working on me. I watched as she walked out and Becks walked in.

“Becks.” I breathed, as she entered. Her arms were crossed, but I could see the tears in her eyes as she sat down beside my bed. “Don’t cry, I’m fine.” Talking was harder than last time, but I had to pretend. Pretend this wasn’t tearing me apart from the inside, like it wasn’t the most painful experience in my young twenty-something life.

“You’re fine? Do you want me to read your chart to you?” Her eyes were furious as she reached across the bed. She didn’t even look at the doctor before he handed it to her.

“No- I don’t want to hear it-” I started, wincing at the pain in my chest. And head. And legs. And hand.

“You have been in this exact situation three times now in the past two years. The last doctor who revived you wrote, ‘He is a hazard to himself.’” She placed a hand over her mouth as she flipped through the pages, even though I knew for a fact she had it memorized. I slowly moved my hand to grab hers, she let me.

“I need sleep.” I breathed, “You can lecture me when I wake up.” She pressed her lips together as I let myself fall into a deep sleep where I dreamed of nothing but darkness.

I groaned as I opened my eyes to the bleak pale blue walls that I knew all too well. A nurse was beside my bed, checking my vitals. She immediately smiled, handing me a pink cup with water and a straw.

“Thank you.” I mumbled, looking towards the hallway where I could see Becks talking with one of her colleagues. As she placed her hand on his arm, she realized I was awake. She walked in and I noticed her daughter was asleep in the chair beside my bed. “How long have I been out?” I asked, looking only at Caroline and her dark brown hair that resembled mine.

“Only a day or so. The doctor said you had a lot of drugs and alcohol in your system, you’re lucky someone dropped you off.” She sat down beside Caroline and brushed the hair out of her eyes. “She insisted on coming.”

“I wish she didn’t have to see me like this.” I said, looking down at my hands. I had an IV in one and a few bandages on the other. I stretched my bandaged hand, wincing at the immediate shot of pain. “What, did I fucking punch someone?” I groaned. She snorted and nodded slowly.

“Apparently a girl saw you get into a fight, so when you finally got knocked out she dragged you here from an alleyway. Her information was left at the desk if the doctors or police had any other questions.” Becks let out a loud sigh, “Are you going to keep doing this? Punishing yourself? Ruining your life?”

I didn’t answer, I just looked over at the nurse who was still writing things down. “Can I get some jello, please? Red. Don’t let them trick you into saying they all taste the same.” I winked. Ouch. She blushed and closed the chart before putting it at the end of my bed. I still got it, even half dead.

“I’m not kidding, Benji.” Becks snapped, physically and vocally, making sure she had my attention.

“Yeah, I know you aren’t, Rebecca. I know.” I closed my eyes and tried to tune out the rest of her lecture. I have heard it more times than someone can handle, not saying that I don’t deserve it, but I wear the weight of my father’s death like chains around my neck and let me tell you, that warrants a drink or two.

“Hi there. Can I get the number of the girl who dropped me off? My sister told me she left it. Benjamin Elliott. Room 437.” I leaned onto the counter, letting my head slump into my hand. The nurse stared at me with tired eyes before picking up my file and taking out a bright pink sticky note. She reached it forward before snatching it back as I went to take it.

“Promise you’ll stay out of my ER?” She narrowed her eyes. I felt bad realizing I didn’t recognize her.

“I’ll do my best.” I gave her a smile and held back the urge to wince, my black eye had been throbbing since last night. She rolled her eyes and handed me the sticky note. “Thank you, m’lady.” I looked down and read the name, Emilia. I slid my cracked phone out of my pocket and started dialing the number.

The line rang a few times before going to voicemail. I clicked end call, siding against leaving a message. I limped down the hallway as I saw Caroline rounding the corner.

“Benji!” She squealed, I braced myself for impact but surprisingly, she slowed down and gently hugged my legs. “Mommy said to come get you to take you home.” I brushed my hand over her hair and bent down to scoop her up. I swear she knew this hospital better than her own mother.

“Let’s go then, yeah?” I kissed her hair as she wrapped her small arms around my neck. Despite the pain and possibility of my stitches coming undone, this is what kept me going. Her head rested on my shoulder and I could feel her begin to relax as I slowly made my way to the sliding doors.

“Jesus, Benji. You can’t carry her right now.” Becks grabbed her from my arm and opened the door of her expensive SUV. “I know you want Uncle Benji, but he is getting in the car now… Plus, he has like, twenty stitches on his side.” I smiled as I walked around to the passenger seat. Just twenty? That’s nothing. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as Emilia’s number flashed across the screen.

“Hello?” I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I opened the door.

“Hi, I just received a call from this number. Is this the hospital? I called this morning to see if Benjamin Elliott was okay? I dropped him off a couple nights ago-” I cut her off with a laugh, “This is Benjamin Elliott, isn’t it?” She said after a long sigh.

“Hi. Thanks for saving my life. I hope I wasn’t too much trouble.” I waved off Becks as she asked who I was talking to. I closed the car door and buckled my seatbelt as the car began to move.

“I mean you were, but you passed out halfway to the hospital so it wasn’t that big of a deal.” She responded, I laughed as she stayed quiet.

“Can I thank you by taking you out sometime?” I surprised even myself with this request, but she sounded cute. And I mean, she did save my life. “It’s the least I can do.”

“I don’t know if that’s really necessary.” She paused, “But I have time for lunch tomorrow.” I smiled and nodded my head as if she could see me. “Lia’s Cafe on Millwood?” We agreed on noon and I said thank you again before ending the call. Becks was pressing her lips together, trying to hold back what she wanted to say. We rode like this for about ten minutes before I finally told her just to say it.

“You hit on the girl who literally dropped your blacked out ass at the ER? Really, Benji? Are you kidding me?” I smiled and slid back.

“Caroline, what song should we listen to next?” I grabbed Becks phone off the middle console.

“I’m so in love with you!” Caroline called from the back, I smiled knowing exactly what song she was referring to. Acoustic guitar filled the car and even Becks couldn’t help, but let the music play.