Worth fighting for

Harley

I woke up mid dream to the smell of bacon cooking in the frying pan mixed with the smell of homemade syrup which meant dads famous pancakes . It took me a moment to realize that breakfast did not fit anywhere in my dream and I was in my room safe not on a long wet winding road speeding in a car with Jack. Closing my eyes I took a long deep cleansing breath trying to beat the dream back into my self conscious where it belongs, before I opened my eyes focusing on the ten boxes that were piled neatly in two stacks near the door. I had agonized for weeks on what to pack if it was too little or too much. I figured there had to be a store nearby I could raid after I decided what my college style would be so I ended up taking a few of my favorite summer/spring clothes that were worn and comfortable, books cause yes I’m a nerd and new bedding dad insisted I have plus of course toiletries. The rest I would have fun hunting down. Maybe even some used furniture at a flea market if I could find any in my price range and I had the room. I know dad could help but I wanted to do it alone.

It was finally the day the countdown on my desk calendar had today circled in all the marker colors college orientation/first day!!. Today was the day I would be heading out to college in just a few hours leaving my life behind, well not your entire life my inner voice said sarcastically.

“ Hey babe your dad sent me to make sure you are up. He made breakfast and looks like he didn’t burn it this time.” My boyfriend Chris said yelling down the stairs for my dads benefit as he stepped in my room instantly making it smaller which seems impossible as this room was the third largest room in the entire house. It wasn’t his fault Chris was 6’3 250 pounds of muscle so whatever room he was in he dominated the space it was just hard for me not to get lost in his shadow.

“ Don’t be fooled I have friends who can make your body disappear and make it look like a accident.” Dad yelled back.

I rolled my eyes “ I’m coming just let me hop in the shower.” I said ignoring their bickering. I’m not sure why it bugged me most girls would give anything for their dad and boyfriend to get along but wasn’t their a thing as being too chummy. Chris’s dad was my dads best friend from childhood so it was expected when we meaning I was old enough we would date so I could never tell if my feelings for him were real or just a side effect of our family’s closeness.

“ Earth to Harley.” Chris said sitting beside me on my bed

“ Sorry. Sorry I’m just nervous about all of this.” I lied knowing me being nervous was more agreeable than doubting our relationship.

Chris reached over and pulled a lock of my blonde hair that had loosened its way out of my ponytail pulling me closer so he could kiss me “Don’t be nervous college is great although I’m still mad at you for going to a different college.” He said trying yo make it into a joke but it was a real sore spot in our relationship for months.

“ Please let’s not have this fight again I didn’t get the scholarship to UCLA only Stanford and I had to go where I could afford.”

“ But my parents offered…”

I put my finger on his mouth “ I had my reasons can we not do this today please.” I begged.

Chris nodded kissing my finger before gently sucking on the tip and moving on until he kissed every finger tip, then turned over my hand to kiss my palm by the time he reached my lips I was gasping and moaning into his kiss and him that tasted like a mix of Cinnamon Toast Crunch he religiously ate for breakfast, his peppermint mouth wash and the expensive cologne he wore. If this was a movie I would totally be swooning at this part. He pulled away wrapping his arms around me in a hug and kissing my head “ You are right babe not another word. Hurry up so we can eat and be on the road. Don’t want you to miss orientation.” He said kissing my forehead again before heading back downstairs.

I signed pulling my knees up and laying my head in my hands with a sigh. I loved Chris I did or at least I think I did but how did I know. He was such a big presence that he took up all the space wherever he was. Maybe this distance would do us some good.

I threw off the covers and headed to the bathroom turning on the water past warm to scalding brushing my teeth while I waited on the water to heat up. When the mirror turned foggy and the tiny bathroom steamed up I knew the temperature was perfect and I stripped out of my gym shorts and tank pulling back the curtain and stepped in. Immediately the hot water beaded down my back causing me to close my eyes and give in to the pressure of the water. I stood in the water a montage of my relationships with Chris playing like a movie through my head that I didn’t notice the water turning almost cold. I reached for my shampoo and rose tinted body wash. Quickly shampooing my hair and using a palm full of conditioner I washed scrubbed myself with a rose tinted body was Chris bought me for Christmas while I waited for my conditioner to set. Jeez you can’t even get away from him in the shower the mean sarcastic voice in my brain stated. I ignored bitch mode and washed off turning the water off and reaching for one of my big fluffy towels. I wrapped the yellow towel around my body trying it in front of my boobs happy that it almost didn’t fit maybe Chris was right and I was going up a cup size. What I wouldn’t give to be a B instead of a A.

My chosen outfit that I had agonized for weeks was sitting on one of the boxes and I grabbed it slipping it on. It was a pair of low cut jeans that sat on my hips snuggly and a black striped tank that made my boobs stand out and look bigger than they were. It was comfortable, cute and not too fancy for a day of moving. All my friends gave it a thumbs up so I was excited to show it off. I took a minute to curl my long blonde hair, a dash of colored lip gloss and slipping on my vans I opened my door practically bouncing downstairs.

Walking into the kitchen I could tell Dad and Chris were in mid conversation because they both stopped the second I walked it but oh well that was not going to bother me today.

“ I’m starving can I have some bacon? Oh and looks like eggs and pancakes too! You are the best dad!” I said in a happy you guys being secretive not going to bother me voice reaching for a white plate in the cabinet.

“ Um Harley are you sure you want to wear that to move?” My dad stuttered not looking up from his plate

Chris in the other hand slammed his hand on the table “ No way you are wearing that it’s too low you can see your boobs, stomach and ass. Go change.”

I shook my head “ You are not my dad Chris.” I said

“ Chris is right honey. You don’t want to give the wrong impression.” Dad said quietly

“ What impression that I’m seventeen not seven and that I have boobs deal with it.” I yelled slamming the cabinet doors shut so hard they rang and stomping upstairs mad at both of them. I know this was not the way to prove how mature I was but it was like I had two dads and both of them thought I was seven and they could control every aspect of my life.

I slammed the door which was immature I know but granted how I was being treated fit right in.

I threw this outfit into a open box planning to wear it when I was at college and both parents were miles away.

I sat down on my bed wiping away angry tears as fast as they fell. I hated crying when I was mad people always thought they win because they made me cry but really I was so mad it just came out with tears instead of punches although most of the time I would prefer punches.

I missed my mon and wished she was here. She would understand and wouldn’t let dad and Chris team up on me. She would help me figure out what to do about the Chris situation if there should even be one and she would be so excited I was going to her alma mater. Do you want to know a secret it was a main reason I was going here. Not just for the scholarship but to follow moms footprints and see where it leads. I’m not a great artist like she was but I can take painting classes and it might help the heartache. At least until I find out where I belong. I never knew I like Jack..

A knock on my door startled me.

I wanted to say go away but knowing that would be even more immature I took a deep breath

“Come in.”

To my surprise instead of Chris poking his blonde head in my room my dad was standing awkwardly outside my door rocking back and forth on his heels putting his hands in and out of his pockets. My dad a member of one of the elite police forces scared of his daughter. It was funny and his co workers would rag on him forever if they caught on to how nervous he was about taking to his daughter. It was funny and put a smile on my face

“ Um I just Um wanted to say Um if that is what other people are wearing then you should wear it. We were just trying to protect you but I forget you are grown up now.” He stuttered.

I got up reaching for him “ Not grown up enough to not need my dad.” I said kissing his unshaved bumpy cheek

Dad blushed and kissed my head “ Don’t be so hard on Chris either he loves you and it just worried he won’t be around to look out for you.”

I rolled my eyes “ I made it last year without him holding my hand”

“ He had friends looking out for you but he doesn’t know anyone going to Stanford I don’t even think they play the same standing football and it is freaking him out so be nice to the poor boy.”

I nodded “ Ok dad.”

“ Are you ready for breakfast?”

“ let me just change and I’ll come eat something.” I said

Dad nodded “ Ok Chris and I will grab the boxes while you eat.”

I gave him a thumbs up and waited until my door was as shut and I pulled on the same jeans this time paring it with a white tee shirt that I stole from Chris. I tied up the back with a knot so that it was tight enough not to be a dress but not form fitting to freak out dad and Chris

Grabbing the lightest box I headed downstairs where my plate was waiting.

When Chris saw me with the box he stood up and quickly grabbed it out of my hand trying to kiss my cheek.

I wanted to turn away but it was just easier to let him kiss me.

Dad smiled patting Chris on the back” Come on son while she is eating let’s fill up the pickup.”

Chris nodded turning to follow dad out of the kitchen but stopping like he wanted to say something but instead just smiled that shit eating grin of his and walked up the stairs.

My stomach was in knots and telling me I was definitely more nervous than I wanted to admit so I could barely eat a few bites of eggs, a piece of bacon and half of a pancake before my stomach rubbled in warning. When I got up to clear my plate and put it in the dishwasher I felt Chris come behind me and rest his head on my shoulder. For the first time in awhile I felt the spark that attracted me to big strong blonde Chris five years ago. I closed my eyes remembering how excited I was when twelve year old me was asked to go to the movies with fourteen year old Chris.

“ Don’t be mad at me pretty please firelight.” He whispered in my ear biting gentle on my ear lobe

I felt the familiar tug in my stomach as I turned around and wrapped my tiny arms around his thick quarterback neck reaching up for a kiss. This time for the first time in awhile I felt the familiar passion and electricity that sparked with our kiss. I lost my self in our kiss and when our tongues met his gentle caressing mine I wanted to jump in his arms to deepens the kiss. I was so lost I didn’t feel him life me up on the counter until my dad came in to interrupt us.

“ uhhh hmm break it up kids. There are things a dad does not want to see.” My dad said and we pulled apart both blushing red. “ You are all packed up Harley. Are you riding with us Chris?”

Chris shook his head “ No sir I have to be back tonight for practice.”

“ Ok Harley come on.” My dad said grabbing my hand thankfully not giving me a choice about riding with Chris or not. At that moment I didn’t know what I would choose. Whenever I thought I was done with Chris and glad we were hours apart hoping that would break us up a spark or electric zap would make me want to change my mind.

I waved to Chris as he blew kisses and hoped into my dads bmw. Crossing over my chest with the seatbelt I mussed how neat my dad kept his car. He never left anything in his car and it always looked like it was just bought from the dealership. Dad always said mom was the slob and I do have images of her surrounded by dirty laundry and uncooked meals. Mom was a artist and would get so absorbed she forget regular life except dad said for me.

Dad turned it to my station without me nagging him a gift to me or a realization that we would not be fighting over the radio much longer.

“ Next year when you are able to drive I’ll buy you something you can safely around in especially if you want to visit Chris. Although Chris said you might transfer and get a apartment together. I’ll help you both with rent I don’t want you to worry about that just focus on school.”

I nodded stewing furiously inside. I told Chris I might transfer only offering that up to him after he was furious about me going to a different college. At this moment I had no desire to transfer and was excited for once in my life to get out from under his protective thumb. Chris was a good guy but he acted more like my dad than my dad does. Like when I wasn’t allowed to go on the school ski trip because Chris couldn’t go and it was dangerous when dad at first said I could go or how the beach trip to Florida was not possible because Chris had football camp of course dad was weary about that one but I swear if Chris was not around in his ear I would have some breathing room. I loved Chris but I’m not sure as what and I knew this time away would make or break us.

“ I’m glad you are only a hour away from me even if that means you are farther from Chris.” Dad admitted

I nodded me too.

I already planned to visit dad once a month and we’ll Chris was another story I had to figure out how to tell him I wanted distance for awhile I hoped that he would be ok with it knowing I had to adjust to everything. If not then he was headed for hurt feelings and I wanted to avoid that because under it all he was my best friend. The reel of Chris and I played again in my head reminding me what a nice guy he was and how lucky I truly am.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know dad is gently patting my back “ Har we are here honey.” My dad said pulling into the visitor parking which was designated freshman drop off.

I looked around at the big beautiful campus at the old historic building and the huge grassy hills. All around me freshman were unpacking from their various cars with help from their mother, father, sister, brother or some combination of above. A few looked as excited as I felt, a few were crying and others were comforting family who were crying.

Upper classman were avoiding the chaos books in hand from the bookstore they just visited complaining about that wait now that the freshman were on campus either over the phone or in person with groups of friends. A few bragging how they paid moving companies as they would not be caught dead with their parents at school.

“ Har do you know where we go honey?” Dad asked pulling me away from the chaos.

I pulled the folder out of my purse scanning it quickly “ I have orientation where I should get my key. Do you guys want to go get something to eat then meet back here?” I asked

“ I can come to orientation with you I’m a expert.” Chris volunteered

I shook my head “ Thats ok I’m meeting Emily and Jess remember. Go eat and I’ll meet you guys back I think I saw a hamburger joint a few miles back.” I said trying to smooth it over so that Chris and I don’t have a full fledge fight in the middle of the parking lot in front of my dad.

Dad smiled “ I can’t imagine how you noticed anything snoring away like a buzz saw.” He teased

“ I do not snore!” I said self righteous

“ I have to agree with your dad babe whenever you pass out during movies or anything you sound like a buzz saw I was wondering if I should send your roommate ear plugs.”

I crossed my arms pouting “ You are both so mean I disown you both.” I said hands on my hips.

“Ok well if you are still talking to us we will meet you back here in a hour or so to help you unpack before Chris has to hit the road.“ dad said kissing my forehead and giving me a squeeze before slowly walking to the car so I could say goodbye to Chris

“ I hate you to you know just for the record” I said still pouting

Chris pulled me in his big warm arms “ I was just kidding you don’t snore at all and if you did it is adorable.” He said reaching down to kiss my lips. This time I felt nothing. How could one minute his kiss can blow up my world and the next I feel like I’m kissing my brother if I had one.

Chris tilts my face “ What wrong firefly?” He ask gently

I shake my head “ Just a little nervous.” I lie feeling horrible lying . It used to be Chris was the only person I would never lie to but the lies were adding up in my head at a alarming pace. I wanted to know no matter what happened to us relationship wise we would always be friends.

I shrug “ Nervous about all of this.”

“ I don’t mind going with. The first orientation was so much fun.” He teased

At that moment dad honked his horn and we both looked up

“ dads getting impatient you better go.”

“ are you sure?”

I nodded and watched Chris head toward the car with nothing but a small wave both sad and relieved he didn’t kiss me this time even knowing how I felt about pda sometimes a girl wanted to be swept off her feet.

I tried to read the building names then the rust signs knowing orientation was in front of the main building wherever that is. We are supposed to meet for the tour first and then head to the gymnasium for the picture keycard and small lecture before we get our key. I was excited and super nervous. I lied to dad about Jessica and Emily. We didn’t really have a plan to meet per say but I hoped to meet them. This campus felt very big and intimating alone.

I walked in four complete circles before I decided it was keep walking in circles or pull out my map and forever be a dork. Pulling my worn map out of my purse yes I admit I studied the buildings whenever I could, I stood still trying to match the buildings but the map must be outdated because nothing looked like it did on the map.

Not paying attention to where I was going with the map covering my face I bumped right into something solid which at first I thought could be a brick wall how embarrassing! The bump knocked me back and I prepared to land on my butt on the gravel walkway mentally thankful I decided to wear jeans instead of the shorts I was eyeing earlier. But although I was braces for it the fall never came instead two rock solid warm arms caught me mid fall pulling me close, so close I felt the warmth of their body heat and the smell of expensive cologne. I made the mistake to look up at my rescuer ready to say thank you but I was struck speechless and I’m sure my mouth fell open ;he was gorgeous with tad too long dark curly hair that when you first looked at it was jet black but with how he was standing the sun caught light blonde strands floating in the wind . He was around the same height as Chris maybe a couple inches taller with his built arms and six pack easily hidden under the ribbed white tee shirt but that is where the similarities stopped. Chris was clean cut with shaved blonde hair that he religiously shaved every month and while his arms were just as big they did not have any tattoos decorating them and Chris covered his six pack and with baggy tee shirts not ashamed of them per say but not wanting to advertise he had them. Mystery guy had a sleeve of tattoos so beautiful it made me want to reach out and trace them being so close to them while in his arms. His face was lightly tanned and he had a bar piercing through his eyebrow and when he opened his mouth I swear I spotted a tongue ring but the best thing about him were surprisingly his eyes. At first glance they were plain green but if you looked deeper you could swim in the deep emerald color and tan in the light gold flakes.

“ Hey are you alright?” He asked even his voice like smooth silk

I nodded my head I was being stupid I have a boyfriend sort of and no time to drool on this stranger.

I croaked out a “yes” and nodded to make sure he understood my lameness.

He smiled “ Ok good can I?” He gesture to me practically wrapped in his arms

I flushed bright pink “ yyyeqh Iiim sorry.” I said untangling myself from his arms.”

He nods then walks away catching up with the group of girls I didn’t notice walking with him.

So he is a player I thought while part of my brain screamed to me that college was the time to play the field while the other part shut down that part.

I looked on my map and matched up the administration building on the map with what looked like the administration building on campus. Hurrying around everyone I finally matched the dumb building after finding out I was having a very blonde moment and had inverted the numbers. I slipped into the back hoping not to be noticed.

“ Hey you are late.” One of the girls a redhead wearing checkered overalls undone at the waist and a black crop top shirt

“ Yeah I’m the dumb blonde who got lost.” I whispered

“ You didn’t miss much.” The girl beside her said. She looked more normal in jeans and a band tee shirt one I think I heard of. Maybe Chris opened a CD

“ Hey I’m Bree and this rude person is my bestie Fallon. She is just in a pissy mood because I dragged her away from some art project to come here.”

“ We ads standing out in the heat learning about the danger signs located all over campus I’m pretty sure most people know about these. Can we go get a snack and bail for awhile come back and get out IDs?” Fallon whined

Bree nodded “ Ok ok if it will stop the whining want to come with us new girl?” She asked

I frowned the good girl part of me wanted to stay and soak up all the knowledge but the rest of me was hot and possibility of making new friends was to good to come true.

I nodded “ Let’s go.”

Fallen jumped up and down “ Yay let’s go before my head falls off from learning anymore useless stuff. I’m a art major for a reason people.” Fallen declared loudly

“ Sssh hush fall.” She said trying to hush her friend as they walked in the opposite direction “ Have you checked out the cafeteria? It is truly awful so use your food card as often as you can for the fast food joints instead like let’s have ice cream for dinner shall we.”

They all stopped at a creamery and Fallen ordered a mix, Bree vanilla and I ordered cookie dough

“ Ooh you rebel you remind me of Bree. It took forever yo get her to losen up but thankfully I pulled the stick out of her ass senior year.”

“ How many students are from around here?” I asked finding the interaction between a fallen and Bree cute but hopefully not to promonitr or I had no home to make friends.

Fallen took a bite “ About half and half but don’t worry you have us on your side so you can’t fail. Speaking of which come with us tonight.” She said

“ Oh yes you have too.” Bree said agreeing.

“ Whats tonight?” I asked softly noticing other people were watching us and listening to our conversation only because of fallen and Bree. “ It’s a beginning of the year tradition and I can’t say more than that! Oh look Bree there is Ashley we have to go see if she is coming. Here is my number so call me after 9 if you want a ride to get there and it is total casual. Hope you come.” She said hoping up and heading to Ashley dragging Bree along.

I sat for a minute in that whirlwind that was Fallen and Bree.

“ Harley we have been looking for you!” Jessica said pulling me into a hug. Even with her on my cheer squad I never have trusted Jessica since she tried to hook up with Chris most of high school as if on cue

“ Where is Chris?” She asked

“ He is with my dad having lunch so they can help me move in.” I said

“ It would be great if he could help me too if he has time.” She said in her patent whiny voice

I shook my head “ He has to get back to school sorry.”

“ Oh well at least we can go to the games this year they are not that far away.” She said leaving a moment of awkward silence.

“ Anyway we wanted to find you to ask if you wanted to get our keys together and then more importantly attend the sorority/fraternity meet and greet tonight.” Ashley asked.

I shook my head on the tip of my tongue to say no but what the hell it was college I should try it once “ Ok as long as I don’t have to pledge.”Ashley shook her head “ No everyone is invited it is the back to school event practically everyone comes.”

My kind flashes back to hoped in the crowd mid tour in the back to the hot guy and I wanted to ask will he be there but they probably have no clue who he is and besides I have a boyfriend.

“ Let’s get our stuff we have to get back and dress plus rushes are in charge of the party.” Jessica said leading the way

“ anything I can do to help?” I ask

Both girls shake their head “ Nope only rushes but thanks for asking. A big knot forms in my stomach a fraternity/ sorority party what had I gotten myself into and was it all to see him.