Locked Up

Numb. That’s what I feel. I feel numb. I see the blade running across my skin, but I don’t feel it. Have I lost all feeling? That must be it, because there’s nothing else to explain it.

The blade slowly goes deeper as I vertically move it down. I still can’t feel it.

My vision blurs.

I’m out.

/////

I wake up to bright white lights in a hospital bed, my right wrist cuffed to the bed. I look around and out the glass door, there’s daylight in the window and busy nurses moving around like crazy.

I rub my eyes and notice my left arm feels weird. I look and see an IV. My forearm was all bandaged up tightly with a white cloth and tape and it felt weird to move it.

There’s a knocking on my door followed by a male nurse walking in.

“Hey Synthia,” he started. “Luckily your parents found you and called quickly enough and we were able to get to you in time. You lost a lot of blood, so you may feel a little woozy, just give it some time.” He was a tall man with a deep voice. Mr. Marks. He looks to be in his 30’s. “After you recover a little bit, we’ll be taking you to Faith. They’ll be taken good care of while you’re there.”

Faith? As in the mental hospital? Hell no, I’m not going there. That place won’t take care of me, it’ll ruin me. I want to go home!

I move my body every which way, thrashing my body around so no one can touch me. Arms and legs going crazy. I want to scream what I want and I won’t stop screaming until someone takes me home.

Mr. Marks grabs a hold of my arm with the IV in it and pumps a liquid into it. My actions begin to slow as I get more drowsy by the second.

I’m out once again.

/////

I wake in a room I’m not familiar with. There’s an extra bandage where the IV was plus the bandages from earlier. I’m in a bed with white sheets and blankets, placed neatly underneath me. Where am I?

A short lady with long blonde hair and brown eyes walks in with a clipboard in hand.

“Synthia?” I nod my head slowly. “I’m Ms. Banks, I’ll be your therapist during your stay here at Faith. I was hoping we could catch up and learn a few things about yourself.”

I’m at Faith? No, I don’t want to be here! I need to get out!

I rush out the door and run to the nearest exit. “Let me out of here!” I bang on the door with my first and everyone is looking at me at this point. There’s about twenty pairs of eyes on me, but I couldn’t care less. “Let me the fuck out of here!” I keep banging on the door until my hand is bruised black and blue.

A nurse with red hair comes up to me cautiously with her hands near her hands, raised to show she doesn’t have anything on her. “Sweetie, we only want to help you, but you need to calm down first.”

“You can help me by getting me out of here! Now unlock this door and let me go!”

“I can’t do that, but we can get you the help you need. You just need to let us do what we need to do. Everything will be just fine if you trust us.”

“I don’t want your fucking help! I want to get out of here, so help me the way you want and get me out!”

Tears form in my eyes and my bangs on the door weakens by the second. I put my face in my hands and slid my body down the door to the floor. I sit with my head in my knees and let all my tears fall. I want to leave.

The same nurse walks up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Come with me. I got medicine to calm you down, we can talk this out, and I can get you apple juice and a rice crispy treat, okay?”

I hesitate, but after I slowly nod my head. I don’t want people to hold me down, let alone touch me. She leads me to the room I woke up in and lay down on my stomach. The nurse instructs me to pull down the back of my pants a little and stay still and relaxed. I feel a small pinch in my lower back and a liquid being placed in my body.

“It might take a few minutes for the medicine to kick in, just give it some time. If you would like to follow me, I can give you something to snack on,” The nurse said as she wipes off blood from my back and puts on bandages.

I sit up on the edge of my bed and look at her. The nurse’s red hair brings out her blue eyes and she’s very petite. The fact she came up to me in my rage stage when I could snap her like a twig, she’s brave. No one can stop me when I rage, not even my ex who was much bigger and stronger than me. Applause to her.

She leads me to a small room and instructs me not to go inside and wait for her to come back out. She leaves the door open so she can still see me, even though I got eyes on me from everyone else behind me. She comes out moments later with the snacks she promised me. I take them from her and go sit down on a chair at an empty table.

I look down for a second and next thing I know, there’s someone sitting in front of me in the other chair.

“Hey, what’s your name?” she asks. I stay silent, not wanting to talk to anyone. I take a bite of my rice crispy treat and try to ignore her. “I’m talking to you”

She’s annoying.

“I didn’t ask you too, leave me alone.”

“I just wanted to talk.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you wanted, I’m not interested. So bye.” I take another bite of my snack and look back down.

“You got an attitude, you know that?”

“Yes I do, and I’m mean as fuck. So if you don’t want to fight then leave me alone.”

“Fine, whatever. Bitch.” The girl gets up and walks away.

I quickly stand up and push her from behind. “The fuck you call me?”

The girl stumbles forward but regains herself. She turns to me with a scared look on her face.

“Watch what you say unless you want this smoke. Don’t fuck with me!”

The girl sits herself back down with her friends and avoids eye contact with me.

No one is looking at me now. Just how I like it.