Chapter 1
CHAPTER 1.
I've always pondered the biggest question: why do we exist? And during my futile attempts at comprehending what I'm supposed to do with my life I squander it, I think we all do.
I've come to change my perspective and ask a new question: what do I want to do with my life?
But even then the things I want are not what I need and I effortlessly fall into a cycle of depression and self hate for doing the things that distract me from those Intrusive thoughts.
We distract ourselves from ourselves in an attempt to find ourselves; is that what life is? No? Well, that's what it was for me. Maybe that's why I watched way too much tv; I wanted a life you only ever see in fantasy because mine was mundane and stressful.
I had left home when I was 18, less than a year after graduating highschool, and struggled with this quote un quote "adulting" thing that I really wish schools could be useful for once and teach us how to do. I lasted about two years and instead of waiting till I was homeless and living under a bridge I decided to join the United States Air Force. I was doing fine, if you could call it fine, for about another year or so but eventually your own mind catches up to you.
I had accrued a substantial amount of PTO(paid time off) days and chose to go back home for a short while and hang out with old friends who always helped me decompress. Coincidentally another of my friend group, De'mari, who had joined the Navy also required some much needed time away from work.
There was 4 of us in total:
Daejohn, a strong, rugged goofball who was a bit shorter than me and used to have a dope flattop back in highschool which he has long since shaved away.
De'mari, aka: DJ, always had a comically aggressive tone but cares more than he lets on. We tend to feed off each other's stupid antics but that usually leads to something fun.
Michelle, the only girl in the group and Daejohns girlfriend. She's like a little sister to me and De'mari so naturally we tease her quite a bit. But she's a good sport and brings balance to our otherwise stupidly chaotic roster of guys.
And lastly Me, the tall one with a few screws loose and his head in the clouds as he trips over his own feet.
Just a group of black young adults in our early 20s from the east coast trying to find our way, known only to ourselves as the Cool Beanz.
Daejohn sped ahead hauling his girlfriend, Michelle, by the hand behind him as he exclaimed about getting good seats in the theater and not missing the beginning of the movie. A new Marvel movie had just released and we were readily excited to see it, some more than others though.
De'Mari trailed just behind them as he scrolled and skimmed through social media on his phone. Meanwhile I meandered in the back while looking at my phone's GPS to guide us, it had been a while since I was in town and barely recognized the area.
Finally with the theater in sight just across the road we made our way to the crosswalk.
As we strolled to the corner of main street with bright smiles, witty banter and friendly teasing tossed back and forth we made our way along the crosswalk. The light was red with cars halted and waiting but our joy, much like my life, would be short lived as the laughter from my friends ahead of me turned into cries of horror.
It was all so sudden and without warning, a truck had seemingly run the light and pinned me between it and the stopped vehicles beside us. Car alarms blared while the sights and sounds of engine parts and broken metal against my exposed bones and entrails terrified the onlooking public. As for me, the victim in tragedy with nobody to blame, The icy grip of death engulfed me as the warmth of my own blood poured away and the last thing I heard was my name laced with sadness and shock.
"ALEX!!!!"
Battered and broken I couldn't scream out in pain, only cry as I swiftly faded away with blood and tears in my eyes thinking this was the end of my story.
