What Remains

"The start of your story grabbed my attention and kept me reading. With the name Eli, I thought your key character was a girl, until the doctor referred to him as Jaya's brother. I loved some of your descriptions. The seventh chapter ended with Eli still in hospital and the next chapter started with Eli looking at some mountains in the distance. In the paragraph following, he was talking to Jaya. There was no transition between those scenes. Who was Eli and Jaya referring to when Eli asked Jaya, 'what happens if they take you away...'? In the ninth chapter, Eli was back in the hospital. Eli was still in the hospital at the end of the twelfth chapter, then the thirteenth chapter started with Eli entering a bar. What happened in between those two scenes? That chapter ended strangely. It didn't seem as though the woman in the bar had a problem, so why did Eli say he wanted to help her? In the fourteenth chapter, Eli was back in the hospital. If the places outside the hospital were hallucinations caused by the drugs and electric shocks, perhaps this could be clarified through dialogue. Nurse Amy could tell Eli what was happening to him. I'm keen to know if Eli and his friend, ever get out. Would you like to read my story titled 'Who's There?' I'd like a review please?"