The Dust and the Wind

"I think firstly the summary needs to be revised. It doesn't do much to make me want to read the story, it's far too casual in tone and saying "it relates to him but also not" doesn't really tell me much about the story or make me want to pick it up. As for the story, the plot itself is interesting, but it all unfolds far too fast and there's way more telling instead of showing. The chapters are really short and we're really just kind of given a summary of what happens rather than going through the story and shown what's going on - the pacing is just too quick and relies too much on narration, I think. I'd almost prefer this to be told entirely from first person. Overall, I think the technical side of things could use a lot of improvement, but the idea in and of itself is really good, which is most of the battle so keep it up! Good luck :)"