Just Another Winter Evening
The winter air choked everyone who dared to step outside with its harsh and frosty grip. Although the people around me seemed in a complete rush, I walked somnolently across the glazed streets of central London. I felt so at ease within myself that I could barely look down at my wrist to notice the time, but as I did so, I realised I’d been walking for hours. I hate it when I get lost in thought. My brother always did the same before he moved up north, I guess thats where I get it from. It feels as though you slip into a different reality, where everything you say and do doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference to the pondering life around you. I know it sounds depressing but it’s quite the opposite. It’s so incredibly peaceful. I just wish it didn’t have to take me shutting out everything around me to feel such an emotion. I should really go home, even though it hasn’t been the same since he left, and by he I mean my brother of course, his name was Aera, and he was the best twin I could’ve ever dreamed of. I miss him most days, and sometimes I even find myself angry at him for leaving, but I guess we all have to get out of the hell that is the Marigold household one way or another. I just hope he’s good and well wherever he is now, and as much as I wish he would visit, I know it isn’t ever going to happen. I’ve made peace with that now, and I’m thankful I have to be honest. I wouldn’t want to stuck in the mindset that Eowyn has been in since he left, I can’t blame her to be perfectly honest, she was so madly in love with him. It’s a shame to admit that my otherwise angelic brother shattered her heart into tiny pieces or nothingness when he decided to go. I feel for her really, but I would never want to be how she is. I know that she needs me with her but sometimes I just like to be alone, mother always says it’s a terrible habit, but she doesn’t realise that there’s a fine line between being alone and loneliness. Loneliness is a void that swallows you whole and consumes you slowly and painfully, head to toe. While being alone is what it means for some to be happy. Sure, sometimes being alone leads to loneliness, but thats what makes it all the more thrilling. See, you can be completely lonely even with others around you, and I’m sad to inform you that that’s the fate of
I’m home now, and I opened my dingy bedroom door to find Eowyn sitting staring back at me from my bed. I can tell she’s been crying and I don’t even bother to ask why, I just sit and hold her. It’s hard to witness this a lot of the time, she used to be such a happy girl. She was always the sunshine in the room and now she’s the thing that keeps happiness away. Herself and Aera were a match made in heaven. I could see it when I watched them interact, even when they had their little arguments over the fact that Aera was at work too late or that she was taking too long to get ready in the bathroom. It was always harmless little arguments, never anything alarming. They were each half of a soul that became one when they found the other. But now, here cries a half of that soul, deeply yearning to hear the others voice or feel their touch.
“Why don’t you cry anymore?” Eowyn questioned.
“Because i’m not sad anymore love,” I replied “I can’t change what’s happened and I can’t stay sad forever.”
She looked at me, almost perplexed.
“Even so, the minute I even so much as think of the letter A, his name imprints in my mind and before I know it I’ve gone through an entire box of tissues!”
I know that she’s hurting but what she’s doing to herself is no longer grieving, it’s obsessing.
“It’s been 4 years Eowyn.” I felt terrible saying it, but it needed to be done. She needed a reality check as soon as possible. All of her days have merged into one and I’m not sure she’s even noticed that she hasn’t left the house since the funeral. She didn’t say anything in return, which I’m secretly grateful for, because I really don’t know what I would’ve said next. Instead, she sat up off of my shoulder and looked at me as if for the first time in ages. I realised that this time she was really seeing me.
“Goodness Ophelia, you look like a young lady now…” Eowyn muttered in a disbelieving tone,
“He would have facial hair right along that same jawline if he were here.”
It was then that I knew she was only but a lost cause.
“I’m going to fetch some soup from Jaspers cafe for tea, would you like me to get you some?” I changed the subject.
“No thank you, although you happen to see Odessa there please tell her to pop in at some point, i need to speak with her.” Eowyn furthered. I actioned an agreeing nod and set on my way once again.
I swung the door to the cafe open and heard the all too recognisable ring from the bell attached to the ceiling above me. “Ophelia?” I heard a questioning tone yell from the mouth that could only possibly be that of Jasper Reid's. “Phe, I need help with some of these boxes, would you come along down here please?”
I couldn’t help but giggle, “Yes,” I said, “Just let me take off my coat!”
Jasper and I have been friends since we opened our eyes for the first time. The Reid’s and the Marigolds have been friends for potential centuries, and we didn’t want to tarnish the legacy of friendship. He was an odd character, always up to something that no perfectly sane person would even think about doing, but I loved him for it. Funnily enough, when my mother would take us three children (myself, Aera and Jasper) out for the day, we would always get confused for triplets for his uncanny resemblance to myself and Aera. He too had bright blue eyes with a full head of mousy brown curls. Although I would’ve been able to tell him apart from a Marigold because his hair was always cut and combed, which neither mine or Aera’s ever was, father never cared enough to pamper the two of us, and neither did mother even though she always looked like a princess herself. But despite our differences, Jasper and I were inseparable.
“Sorry to call you down here Phe, I know you’re still like any other customer but I figured that since I’ve never shared a bath with any of those people, you’re a slight exception.”
I laughed at him, humoured.
“What’s all this mess?” It wasn’t unusual for Jaspers cafe to be in what could only be described of as the state left behind by an earthquake, but tonight it just seemed somehow worse.
“Well, I made a deal with the man across the road, Timothy Rancher I believe is his name, and he told me that if I hired his niece, I could have all of this free china and cutlery!” He explained, unsurprisingly proud of himself.
“Wow, score!” Some say that sarcasm is rude, I say it’s necessary!
“Oh for goodness sakes okay, I admit that his niece is pretty alluring, now stop pressuring me” He threw his hands up in the air with a joking surrender.
“Ahhh I see, Jasper has once again looked at a potential employee with a dirtier version of rose coloured glasses!” I poked, “What’s this lady’s name then soldier?”
“Her name is Alice, Alice Hentchworth.”
