What is your opinion?
Great start
"I like how the story begins, except for some typos it is a great start. The girl is dealing with some issues which is evident from the very start in your writing. I like how you have described her and her emotions all too well. Keep writing"
First Impressions
"We need to know about Ella. How long has she been in treatment for depression? How old is she? She lives with her mother, where is her father? Does her father have something to do with her current state of affairs? We can feel her sense of despair but would add to our understanding if her circumstances were revealed a bit more. Is she a bit antisocial? Or, have the other students given her reason to not interact with them because they are cruel in some fashion. Clue us in as school is an important part of a young persons' life. Now, on the technical side. You need to pay attention to your dialogue tags and make sure each person speaking is given a paragraph to set them off from another speaker. Your paragraphs will sort themselves out better if you do this. You need to use your dictionary and select words that fit better in a number of places. Since there is so little of the story written as of this point you should revisit the narrative arc of your story; that means the first few paragraphs of chapter one. Can you draw the reader in just a little bit more? It seems until you get to the end sentence and we are introduced to "him". He's new, we get that, but what about him that attracts her? Or, perhaps repels her at first. We have to rate this based upon what you have submitted far, so I wouldn't take the scores at this point to heart too much. Best, Rachel"
