Fallacy and Reality
I know you’re wondering how I got here. Well, I’m kinda wondering that myself. I mean, I know the steps that led to this, but I didn’t think I would end up here. The man laying next to me is a stranger. I mean that literally, I met him last night. I feel like my brain is swimming in all the liquor I drank last night...and this morning. The man is knocked out. For real, mouth open, light snoring, and a little bit of drool on his pillow.
I’m trying my best to make out his features but my eyeballs hurt every time my lids open even a slit. This is a disaster! I throw my hands in the air at the absolute absurdity of this situation and feel something on my forehead where my hand lands. No. No. Not possible. I inch my right hand slowly toward my left. I mean, if I move slow, then maybe what I’m thinking won’t be true. As soon as my hands meet, a scream shoots out of me like a horse out the gate.
Mr. Stranger jumps up as if his pants are on fire. Hmm...if only he was wearing pants. My scream comes to a halt at the sight of his snake in the grass. MMM, BITE ME!
“What?! What’s going on?!” he yelled. That brought my focus back to the real issue. He was staring at me, eyes wide with confusion.
“Stop yelling,” I stated as I threw myself back on the bed, “my head.”
“Hey lady, you were the one screaming like you were being attacked!”
I threw my hands up in the air with a huff and replied, “It’s not lady, it’s wife to you!”
He grabbed my hand, pulling me across the bed, and stared at it. My hand was so close to his face that he could lick it. That would be nice. Girl, FO-CUUUUUUS! Stranger Danger twisted and turned my hand in every way possible, as if twisting my digits and throwing laser eyes at the ring would make it disappear. Now that I was concentrating on it with him, it was a veeeery nice ring.
“You think -” Before I could finish my sentence, he flung me away, jumped on the bed, and slid into the bathroom. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, what every woman wants on her impromptu honeymoon, a groom that vomits at the thought of his bride. Just great!
