Chapter One: The Break Up
“I don’t think this is working out, we need to break up.”
This is how my anniversary night went. With me sitting at a table in my best, sexiest outfit, listening to jazz music, while being dumped publicly.
A night that consists of celebrating three years.
Three tough years, years of fighting and making up, of making decisions together, of hanging out with each other all the time, and telling each other everything. Of becoming best friends and lovers.
This is how it concluded?!
With a night that I had planned. A night that I made romantic for us and for our future as a couple. A night that I put my all into just so it could be perfect and it would show how much I loved him.
A night in which I planned for months!
Years of tears, of missing my studies to hang out with him, of doing nothing but being a good girlfriend. And this is what I get?
I mean our relationship wasn’t perfect, but no relationship was. They all had their faults and their imperfections. But I always thought that we would never let those imperfections and faults outweigh our love for each other. I always thought that I was worth the trouble and the ups and downs.
Then he does this! Where is the punch line?
“What? What do you mean it’s not working Andrew, we’ve been together for three years, three years. How can you just end things like this.
We have made it through a lot of hurdles, and I stuck by you even when I didn’t have to, even when you would hurt me with your words. Why now, why here?”
I was absolutely shocked and hysterical. I thought that we were fine. I thought that things were finally going good. We had been going strong for a while.
I mean, yes we had another argument the other night. Where he told me that I couldn’t plan everything, that it was cute in the beginning of our relationship, but now it’s become annoying and predictable. But, then we had sat down and talked about how I would try not to be so controlling and how I would plan aspects of our lives less.
But I guess that isn’t enough for him, for him to know that I’d try.
What happened to loving people for who they really are, flaws and all. What happened to supporting them no matter what. To being there for them through thick or thin.
I can’t believe that he was dumping me on the night of our anniversary. After all that we had been through.
You know what the sad part is, as much as I wish I could control this, just make everything he said just disappear and forget it ever happened — I can’t. This is the worst part of being in relationship — giving your all, being willing to change, and giving your heart to them even though there was a possibility that they would hurt you in the end.
“Because we’re too different, I want to be spontaneous and you want to control every variable of your life. That doesn’t make for a successful relationship. I would rather end it now, then to keep going in this relationship, pretending.”
Looking down to the ground as he shattered my heart into pieces. Not even giving me the courtesy to look me in my eyes and say it. It was like he didn’t want to do it, but he felt that he had to.
“If you don’t want to break up with me then don’t. I really can change, I’ll become more spontaneous and more wild if that’s what you want. Just please, please don’t do this. Please.”
I said as a stream of tears fell from my eyes, wishing that they would stop, wishing that this moment wasn’t happening. Knowing that this wasn’t a dream, and I wasn’t going to wake up from it. Because I was already awake — and this was happening.
“You’re amazing Char, and I love you so much, I really do. But it’s not going to work. I’ve tried, and there is no point in prolonging this relationship knowing how I feel. I’m sorry.”
He said with regret in his voice, but maintained a stoic expression.
“Andrew — please, don’t do this. We’ve made it through worse, we can make it through—”
Before I could finish he interrupted. “Don’t Char. Don’t make this harder than it is please.”
Harder for who, HIM! How could this possibly be hard for him. He said this as he held his head down and kept it there afraid to look up and see the damage he was causing. Which is so like a guy to be a coward in situations when he should be a man.
“So we’re over. This is over. Just like that, you’re ending three years together just like that. Is there someone else?”
I asked praying that the answer would be no, praying that he wouldn’t run my heart over with semi-truck. But, he wouldn’t do that to me, he wouldn’t be talking to someone else while we were together. He couldn’t.
“Char—” And with that I knew my answer.
I knew immediately that I had bitten off more than I could chew. I instantly regretted asking the question.
“How long Andrew, huh? How long have you been screwing some other girl. How long have you been cheating on me?!” My voice instantly growing two octaves higher and louder.
I was positive by now the entire restaurant could hear me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if the entire neighborhood heard me. I just wanted to know.
“I didn’t plan it, it just happened.” Finally looking up in my eyes.
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs. That I didn’t see he was growing more and more distant. So, this whole break up is because he want to be with someone else. Because he had grown tired of me, and tired of trying to make it work.
He wanted someone more spontaneous and more wild, he wanted some who didn’t make lists and didn’t plan details of her life. He wanted someone to live his life with on a whim.
All I could do was keep thinking about all the times he was on his phone when we were hanging out, talking to his “best friend” saying it was just “inside jokes” he was laughing at. How he would be out a lot more than usual, and he’d hide his phone.
When I thought of these things I surpassed heartbreak and moved straight into anger.
I wanted to get even. I wanted him to hurt as much as he hurt me. I wanted him to feel everything I felt when he ripped my heart out, placed it on the plate before him and feasted on it.
…
But then I realized that it would do me no good. Remembering what my mom said “two wrongs do not make a right Char” she would always use this phrase when kids would bully me on the playground.
And she’s right. I’m not the person that seeks revenge. I’m the person that takes the punches and keep moving in the ring.
But now — I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to be weak, I didn’t want to be passive, and I sure as hell did want take the high road.
He wanted to break up with me, I was going to make him regret ever losing me. I was going to be the baddest and sexiest woman he’d ever seen — and then I’d rub it in his face.
“You know what Andrew — fuck you. Oh and by the way I hoped she enjoyed your limp shrimp dick.”
I said rising from the table and tossing my napkin down on my plate.
He looked up at me in shock of the words I just said, and completely mortified. His face turning bright red as the whole restaurant was listening by now.
I suppose he expected me to keep begging him to stay with me, to give us a second chance. But if he wanted us to break up, I wasn’t going to stop him, I’d simply just get even.
And with that I left the restaurant. I wasn’t going to lick my wounds in front of him. I might have cried in front of him, but that would be my last time. He didn’t deserve me or my tears.
He wanted to move on from us and what we had, then I would too. As a matter of fact I would show him what he missed and what he will be missing.
It’s funny how things happen in your life and suddenly it gives you a new leash on life. With him I was always passive, always predictable, and sensitive. But now, he would see a refined Charmaine. He would see a badass Charmaine
Screw being soft, weak, and predictable.
I was going to badass, strong, and reformed. Andrew you can kiss my ass quite frankly you’re going to be kissing the ground I walk on from now on and wish you hadn’t ended things.
Wait and see.
