Edge of the night
For you, I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad.
For you, I could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt.
I wish love was perfect as love itself. I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden.
I grew a flower that can’t be bloomed in a dream that can’t come true.
--- (Translation Lyrics from FAKE LOVE – by BTS)
New York Institute, in Alec’s bedroom.
Alec already falls asleep when his phone ringing in the middle of the night. Alec is blinking his eyes sleepily, then trying to get his phone placed on the bedside table.
“Hey… who is it?” Alec asked in hoarse tired voices. After a whole day of busy hunting demons, all he wanted was to have better sleep now.
“It’s me…” A familiar man’s voice came through the phone.
“Magnus…?” Alec was looked surprised and sit upright instantly. He checked the caller's name on the phone screen again for double confirmation. Weirdly, Magnus called him this late at night, Alec is getting worried, not sure if Magnus having any troubles which need his help?
Magnus, who was standing at the balcony nodded his head silently as an answer for Alec.
“What’s wrong? Hey, Magnus, say something, please. Are you okay?” Alec asked again. Normally Alec will stay at Magnus’s home, but today is quite a special case because Alec was busy with Shadowhunter's job with Jace and Isabelle. However, Alec already informed Magnus about he will sleep at Institute tonight, so how come Magnus is calling him again at such time?
“Don’t worry, nothing happened. Just… I wish to hear your voices……” Magnus tried to say in a cheerful tone, but his eyes are full of sorrow.
Alec chuckled. “So, you called me at the edge of the night just to hear my voices?”
“Yes,” Magnus replied. “Sorry to disturb you… But I can’t get sleep without you by my side.”
Alec smiled softly. “Hey, just for today only. I told you in the earlier conversation, I will go back to your home tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know.” Of course, Magnus knows about that, but he is just can’t control himself.
“I miss you.” After a short moment of silence, Magnus said in a low tone.
Alec is stunned and then speaks in soft voices. “Me too.” When the tiredness attacking Alec again, he is yawning and tries to stretch his arms and neck to keep him awake.
Magnus’s heart was dropped and getting heavier when he realized that he is causing troubles to Alec. He apologizes again. “Sorry about that, I know you must be very tired now. Go get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Magnus, WAIT!” Alec stopped Magnus from hang up the phone quickly.
“Hmm… What?” Magnus frowns and looked confused.
Alec takes a deep breath. “Magnus, are you sure you are fine?”
“Yeah, why not?” Magnus said, even he is not sure about this answer.
“…Would you like to come over?” Alec asked.
Don’t know how to describe it, but some strange feelings are stirring Alec’s heart now. He feels that something has happened and Magnus is in trouble, although Magnus is not telling him and keep him a distance. So, Alec is trying to seek the truth. He wants to make sure on his own, to confirm Magnus is always fine and good.
Magnus was holding his phone tightly, not sure did he heard wrong.
“What did you just said?” Magnus tries to re-confirm it again. “Did you asked me to go over there?”
Alec sighed, defeated by his own desire. Then, he instructs Magnus directly. “Magnus, open a portal and come to my side now.”
“Are you sure about that? I am a warlock and you are now at Institute. Furthermore, the time is such late now…” Magnus is in hesitation, not really sure if this a good decision?
“No need to worry about the others, I will take care of it. Come, I miss you.” Alec admitted his feeling towards Magnus honestly, tries to gives Magnus some courage on it.
Magnus feels the warmth in his heart, thinking that how sweet of his young boyfriend. Even sometimes Alec is quite obtuse and slow to respond, but sometimes he is a quite sensitive person too. Magnus has an intuition that he can’t explain, but Magnus has a strong feeling that maybe Alec already senses his insecure feeling and abnormal behavior.
“Alexander.” Magnus bit his lower lip and tried so hard to suppress his emotions. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, I promise.” Even he is not fine, but once the sun goes up again, tomorrow everything will back to normal, right?
“Magnus.” Alec sighed, can’t help himself but thinking back few earlier times of similar experiences that Magnus is trying to hide his real thoughts and feeling from Alec, just not to make Alec worry about him.
From Alec’s understanding of Magnus, Magnus is really that kind of stupid person. Because Magnus always like to pretend that he was happy when he was sad, and always pretend that like nothing happened even when he was damn hurt and broken inside. Magnus is stubborn as always, seems like wanted to hide all his weakness and pretend to be strong, even he was not in a good shape.
“I think I should probably hang up the phone. It’s late, you should take a rest and get back to sleep now. Goodbye, Alexander.” Magnus faked a silent smile with tears and ended the call quickly before Alec can stop him in time.
Looking at the phone, Alec is totally in a blank mind.
Does he wonder what’s going on? What exactly happened to Magnus?
On the other hand, Magnus is standing in a daze on the balcony alone. The wind is cold and the night is darker. Magnus just holding his phone and standing there, let his tears falling from his eyes and cheek, then sobbing with the lonely moon in the night sky.
There is something that he doesn’t tell Alec. Something about his nightmare and the loneliness. Something about his ugly bad side and the worst time of his life. The untold stories from memories.
Everyone has a secret, doesn’t it?
Magnus kept his secret on his own, not wanting to let anybody else in, not willing to cry for help even his heart is shattering and tearing apart piece by piece.
