Letting Go

On a warm and sunny day, everyone is probably going out of their homes to travel the world. But here I am, lying down on my bed, scrolling through my phone like I’m in a relationship when I’m not. My heart is still broken and I have already wasted 2 years of my life, crying alone. Why? It’s because my boyfriend and I decided to part ways since we are busy with our different lives and careers. Even though the decision’s mutual, it still hurt me like hell. We shared 4 years of being together. Why wouldn’t it hurt?

As I scroll through my phone while tears are running down my face, my sister knocked from the other side of the door. And as the elder sister, I tried to be brave and wiped my tears, acted like I’m fine even when I’m not.

“We’re going to a beach resort, said mom. Let’s get ready.”

I quickly packed my things in my bag including my power bank, camera, laptop, and phone. I brought other stuff with me which I found useful in a resort, a swimsuit, and a sunblock.

As we arrive at the resort, my sister hurriedly chose the beach cottage we’ll be staying in for a few hours. I decided to roam around and bring my camera with me, hoping to capture good shots. As I look through the camera’s viewfinder, I saw a chubby and cute girl, capturing photos of a certain flower using her phone. She’s beautiful, fair-skinned, and a bit chubbier than me. She’s cute and she’s happy. She has almond shape eyes and her smiles were beautiful and admirable. I found her as a perfect subject for my photos so I decided to take a good shot of her. She looked back and noticed me holding a camera and smiled. I took a shot. She walked towards me and greeted me.

“Hi! I’m Kayla! What’s your name? Can I see the pictures you took?” She’s more cheerful than I thought.

“Hi Kayla, I’m Kate. I apologize for taking a picture of you without your permission. I just thought you were cute and you were a perfect fit for my photos as a subject. Is it alright with you if I use these photos and upload them to my blog?” I asked her quite anxious.

“Yes, of course! Can I see your pictures? And any tips for me in beginner’s photography?”

I showed her some photos I took before and showed her some tips in photography. I told her that I am an amateur photographer, so I only have a few tips to share.

“It’s nice meeting you, Kate. I’m actually with my boyfriend and he’s in the cottage. He’s caring and so sweet. We were here since morning and I feel dry right now. Anyway, our beach cottage is a little far from here but would you mind coming with me?” she asked.

“Sure. I don’t mind coming with you. What number is your beach cottage? I’ll text it to my sister in case they look for me.”

And so, I went to Kayla’s beach cottage and saw a familiar man sitting inside. That familiar man was browsing through his laptop and I feel like my tears are starting to fall but I held it back.

“Hi, love. I’m here. I’m with a friend. Her name’s Kate. Kate, this is my boyfriend, Blake.”

“Hi,” I waved at him. He waved back and said, “Hi.”

Yes, you got it right. He’s my ex-boyfriend. The man whom I never had the chance to move on from. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now. It feels so surreal.

“Just take your time, love. He’s a bit busy for now, Kate. Would you like to eat spaghetti? Here. I made this!”

I accepted Kayla’s offer and ate it. I tried acting cool and collected but deep inside, my heart is torn to pieces. It hurts so much that I want to get out of here and just cry alone and lock myself inside my room.

“I-it’s delicious, Kayla. I like it!” I tried to fake a smile but instead, my tears fell while smiling.

“Kate? Why are you crying?” Kayla anxiously asked.

“Nothing. I just remembered someone.” I faked a smile and wiped my tears. I could feel the heaviness of his stare. 4 years... I guess it’s just nothing for him, huh.

I continued to eat the pasta which Kayla has served and talked like nothing happened. But oh well, Kayla suddenly asked me something.

“Oh! By the way, Kate! Do you have a boyfriend?” Kayla asked with sparkling eyes.

“Oh, no. I don’t,” I replied with a sad tone. I didn’t mean to be sad though.

“Really? You’re a great person and you’re beautiful! I wonder why you’re single? If you’re ready to be in a relationship, I could meet you up with a friend.” Kayla innocently said.

“Kayla.” he warningly spoke.

“It’s okay,” I told him, staring into his eyes and smiled.

"sigh Unfortunately, I still haven’t moved on. I’m still healing, Kayla. I’m not ready to be in a relationship yet. It still hurts. We were both busy with our lives and eventually, he forgot about me. I wanted to stop him from leaving, but I couldn’t. We both know what’s best for us.” I smiled.

Yes, we both know what’s best for both of us. It hurts like hell, but we have no choice but to accept it.

Kayla patted me softly on my back. “If he comes back to you, will you still accept him?”

I was caught off guard by Kayla’s question. I looked at him for a second and I was surprised to see him staring at me. Should I still accept him? Or should I just leave them alone now?

"sigh To be honest Kayla, I don’t know. I can’t answer that question. But I think he’s happy with his life now. If he is, I would be happy for him. But I don’t think I could love another man again.”

My chest felt so heavy. I want to cry. I want to cry so bad. I want to leave this place and just cry alone. I want to scream and let my feelings reach him but I can’t. I know I can’t. I know he fell in love with Kayla because we’re the total opposite. She’s cheerful and I’m not. She’s much more beautiful and fascinating. I can’t do this anymore. I have to leave.

“Excuse me. Is Kate here?”

I looked back and saw my sister. She looked at me and told me, “Mom wants you to buy food.”

Thank you, sis. Thank you for saving me in such an awkward situation! I wanted to cry but I can’t. I can’t let him see me like this.

My sister ran back to our beach cottage and so I decided to leave.

“Kayla, it was nice meeting you but I have to go buy food.” I smiled talking to her.

“Oh. Really? Wait a minute. We’re going too. Love, come on. We’re leaving.”

Kayla packed their bags and...

I made a mistake.

Out of habit, I brought his backpack and his cap when I walked out of the cottage, Kayla was confused but proceeded to bring his jacket anyway.

When they walked out of the beach cottage, Kayla stared at the bag I brought. I patted his back and gave him his cap and bag.

“Bye,” I told them without turning my head back.

I headed outside the resort and I crossed the other side of the road. From where I stood, I saw them walking out, the girl holding his arms as my tears start to fall down my cheeks.