WILLINGNESS

As I entered the bathroom, I heard Jack taking a shower. It was something usual among us. We had no shame, living almost 2 years together. We saw each other naked enough, more than our significant other. We had catch each other jerking off or having sex enough to know we had no actual shame left.

However, today I heard him moaning and cursing under his breath. It was soft, almost a whisper/whimper. But it was my name. I was out of that bathroom the next second. I didn’t know if he saw or heard me there and I wasn’t gonna find out.

I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I have never thought about him that way. I’m actually straight and Jack is gay. So, yeah, when I say we have no shame, I can say I saw Jack and Tobey’s dicks more than I’d like, if I actually liked it. And he saw me and Jen naked more than I appreciated, to say the least.

We are single now. Rebound phase, if you know what I mean. I for 3 months now and him for 1. And honestly, I was getting restless. I wanted someone’s hand on my dick or someone’s lips kissing me. Couldn’t care less about who. So when I got out of that bathroom aroused by Jack’s moans, I almost lost it. What was I thinking? And tonight was going to be another drunken coming home alone night. We were going to see Pacey who just got back from another one of his boat trips.

I was quiet and Jack noticed. “Hey! Is everything okay?”

He was ready with some basic dark blue jeans and white shirt. He is handsome, everyone can tell. He takes care of himself, but not too vain. Sometimes I even copy him a bit. He knows what he’s doing and I have no clue of what I’m doing. So, I put on my dark blue jeans and, not to be so obvious, a light blue shirt.

I nod. “Just in my head a bit”. Which wasn’t a lie.

“You sure? Wanna stay home?”

“No no. I miss that man and need some distraction”. Definitely I needed a distraction.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah yeah. Let’s go.”

God, I’m drunk! But not enough. Actually, the more I drank, the more I could hear Jack’s moans playing in my head. And tonight Jack was touchy. He gets this way sometimes when he drinks. Always hugging and taking my hair from my face. I’m used to that, but tonight every time he did that, I got this feeling that I can’t really explain. I felt my skin tight.

And here we were, back home, me on the armchair and him on the couch, drinking our last beer of the night. I’m staring at my beer and he’s resting his head on the back of the couch and feet on the coffee table, eyes closed.

“You know, I heard you this morning”. I’m losing my mind, but what a hell, why not?

“Ahn...What?”

“You know. I heard you... in the shower?” I took a sip of my beer.

“And what did you hear exactly?“. Now he was looking at his beer peeling the label.

“My name”. I said, fighting a small smile. Why was I smiling?

“Fuck”, he whispered. He sat up and put a hand on his knee. “Look, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay”. I interrupted him. “I don’t mind” I said without taking my eyes from my beer for a second since I started this conversation.

“You don’t mind?” I could feel him looking at me. And hear a bit of a smile and confusion in his voice.

“I don’t mind. I’m actually, curious” I said, raising my eyes to meet his. His mind was working on something. I know him well enough to know that look he was giving me.

“And... what are you curious about?” he said looking straight to my face with a somewhat amused and confused face.

“How long?”

“How long, what?”

“How long have you thought about me that way?” I said quickly. My almighty courage was beginning to fade.

“Hummm… Honestly? About a week ago I had a very, very wet dream with you.”

“Oh… Really?” I was nervously laughing a bit and taking a sip of my beer after.

“Yup… Problem?” Now he was studying me, with his jaw in his left hand, supported by his elbow on his knee. Twirling his bottle of beer on the coffee table. Looking very sexy and getting amused. I closed my eyes and ducked my head a bit, because I knew I couldn’t handle that image very well.

“No. Not a problem at all.”

“You sure ’bout that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You brought it up now? Didn’t say anything this morning. Can’t look me in the eyes even.” I hear the smile fully in his voice, the teasing tone. I could even see the squinting eyes of pure joy at making me uncomfortable.

I opened my eyes, finding the courage from the last sip of my beer and my hornyness that makes me do stupid things, and look him straight in his eyes. “I’m looking now”. He was still in that same pose of his. Why was I finding that so damn sexy? I always knew Jack to be tall, dark and handsome. I wanted to be him, not to do him. Or was he doing me in this wet dream of his?.

“And what are you looking at? Where is your mind, Dawson?” He interrupted my mental breakdown. And I actually answered with the thought that was crossing my mind at that second. Why? A lot of whys tonight. I might faint.

“Tell me about this dream of yours.”

“Do you really wanna know?”

“Pretty much.”

“That much?” He smiled a little bigger now and I started laughing. He could be an asshole sometimes, but he knew how to lighten up the mood. He sat further on the couch and relaxed. “Look, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and start thinking that I might jump you or something…”

“Don’t say that. I’d never think that. No… it’s just curiosity, really.” I sighed. “All this time living together, we’re almost like brothers. I was surprised with what I heard.”

“And I was surprised with my dream… and how long it’s been playing in my head.” He said under his breath. “Honestly, I’m horny AF. With Tobey I wasn’t getting any for two months before we broke up.” My eyes bulging. “Yeah, that bad!”

Jack put his hands on the back of his head and rested them on the back of the couch. His empty bottle on the coffee table next to his crossed feet. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. His shirt raised up a bit, showing his low jeans and picking white boxers. I couldn’t take my eyes off that particular area. It was inviting to look. Maybe it was my drunken mind. Maybe I wasn’t thinking straight (what a horrible pun). Maybe I was curious and wanted to try something else. Someone else. We sat in silence for a bit and I found myself relaxing, putting my hands on the arms of the armchair I was on, resting my head on the back, and opening this door inside my mind, looking up at the ceiling. “Tell me.”