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"I think it’s too comical. The scenes aren’t funny as it may seem and it feels very Wattpad. I know I’m saying this because I spent years of reading Wattpad stories but I feel like the third chapter deserves to be at the end. After you know and show love to all of the characters, like a finish off. I would also say that there’s a lack of description and it’s hard to be gripped as a reader if there isn’t a clear description of any character. They all have lovely names but I need to imagine them! The rule is called the blank canvas - I think you should search it up and write it up again (after you finish writing). I loved the whole therapy scene but the direction of the story has been moved. She’s suffering from pain, Emilia and game loss. I didn’t like the name Theo, I think because it’s usually a boys name and it’s been heavily gendered in books. I thought that I was reading male x male book due to Jack’s flirtations but it didn’t. I can see that you spent time on it and the storyline looks like it would be good but if the character is going to be hurt and sad and or angry, it needs to be like that throughout. Yes, I haven’t read all of the chapters because there’s only 6 currently. Just a thought. "