Chapter 1- Bottom Tier
We all have secrets, some smaller than others and some we wish we could take to the grave. However, we will find that the most interesting secrets are always the ones that lie deep within us, waiting to be unravelled. The secrets that live within the depths of our very souls hold the true key to finding who we are.
It is up to us whether we decide to lock these secrets away or embrace them with an open mind once they come to light. This is never an easy decision especially when you realize that you are far different from others. What is to be done when your true self is one that others might condemn? You may wonder who I am to speak on such matters and why I chose to.
The truth is I am no one of great importance or rather I was not. My name is Eliana Winsan and all I am is a woman, a weak and pathetic creature. I was merely blessed with the gift of intelligence and used it to the best of my abilities. At a young age I came to understand that I would also become blessed with other gifts, dark ones that awakened at the wrong time. I was plagued with impulses that almost led me to do things that were unimaginably horrible. These gifts however had the potential to change my life and the lives of everyone around me.
This tale begins in 1806, the year of my birth. I was born in a small English village called Arundel. My family was of poor status with a black mother that worked in a brothel as a maid and a white father that fished for mullets in order to put food on the table. I also had five older sisters that were kind, hardworking and beautiful. They possessed such noble qualities, which were lacking even among the wealthy crowd. Nevertheless, the other villagers were always less than kind to my family.
This was all because my mother had failed to bear a son and also because we were half breeds. In the olden days even if a family had nothing but the dirt on their feet and the clothes on their backs, having a son signified strength and dignity. Even bearing a retarded son was to be regarded as a higher honour than bearing daughters. After all women were seen as worthless creatures, only existing to satisfy the needs and wants of men. The names of my sisters were Kathleen, Lydia, Leona, Elizabeth and Diana.
Kathleen, the eldest was twelve at the time and she was responsible for the house chores. Her duty was to divide the chores among the sisters equally and to see to it that the chores were completed. She was stern but caring towards us, all due to her being our caretaker from the moment we were born.
Our mama was always busy cleaning the brothel in order to make as much money as she could. It had always become messy within minutes of cleaning due to the rowdy male customers that seemed to prance through the wooden doors every minute of the day. She rarely had time for us but we understood her situation. After all the money was used to maintain our poor family.
Mama still tried to spend time with us whenever she could and that was good enough for us. At least she was not like papa who had seem to give up on life completely. The only commendable thing he did was to fish and sell the sea creatures. However, he had only done it because he enjoyed it. He also knew that if he had not provided at least a shilling for us he would have been seen as a simpleton because men were meant to provide for their families. A majority of the money he made was wasted on his countless escapades. That often left us receiving only three or four shillings from him.
Our papa was once a kind man, but just as the seasons change so do people. He became embarrassed by the sight of us knowing that his seed was not strong enough to fertilize my mother with a son. Actually the only reason papa bred mama six times was because he desperately wanted a son. Even though my sisters were young, some part of them knew that he had regretted courting my mother. Now he barely wished to look at her and he would come home late at nights smelling as if he had bathed in liquor with rouge smearing his shirt.
In actuality we were living in darker days, which meant that there were barely any interactions between different races. Papa claimed that he fell in love with mama because she was kinder and more beautiful than any of the other girls in the village. She was a hard working virtuous woman and it did not go unnoticed by others, especially my papa. He knew it would be seen as an absolute blasphemy if he had gotten married to her but he did not care.
Papa was young, madly in love and no one could do anything to change his mind. His family had disowned him after he married her, so they decided to build a life on their own. They settled down on the western side of the village which was more developed possessing larger houses all around and the beautiful Arundel castle in the village center. The river Arun ran closer to the eastern side of the village but it did not take much travelling to reach it.
They chose that area because they knew that they could both find work there. They had my sister Lydia six years after Kathleen was born, Leona followed Lydia within the next year. Then came Elizabeth a year later and Diana was born two years later. After giving birth to me two years later, mama realized that she could no longer have children and she kept it from my father until I was older. When papa found out he becmae mad with fury. Since he could not have a son he chose to stay away from us as much as possible as we were a reminder that he had failed as a man.
He regretted not listening to his family now more than ever. That left Kathleen with the responsibility of looking after us. She never minded it though, she had always been happy to take care of us because it was in her nature. Kathleen was seen as beautiful both inside and out to everyone that came across her. Even those that were filled with envy admired her secretly.
She boasted fiery red hair like our papa’s, that trailed down to her backside in luscious curls. Though I was an infant in that year, I remember that somehow every time I looked into her golden eyes and admired her bronze skin that shimmered in the sunlight I felt safe, warm. It was strange because even in mama’s arms I had never felt like that.
