My Feelings As A Whole

Am I happy?

A feeling inside me tells me I am

But I hear whispers that warn me of myself.

They tell me I’m lying and happiness can’t be made

But rather it grows inside like a flower.

I have no flower and I’ve planted no seed

So is it true

Am I happy?

Happiness is something I crave

And even when I have it

I feel mostly strange

As if its a torch I have not yet lit

Like I have fallen in a pit

So deep down I can’t see the sun

I cant climb out so I just sit

cradling myself starting to cry

I just wish I could die

So that no longer I would feel this pain.

But then something beautiful happens

It starts to rain

And it fills my pit

And instead of sinking I float to the top

And once again I’m at the ledge where I first dropped.

I know if the wind picks up I’ll fall back in

But this time I'm hopeful it will never happen again.