UnOrganized

I am worthless.

Yes. I don’t even care about myself. Who the hell am I? I keep on asking. Why do I even exist? I always added. Here I am walking, inside this scumshit world. Nothing makes sense. I wish I could just die right now, I keep on waiting. I am not needed. Why would I even breathe?

“Huh…” I sighed.

“Why?” I questioned.

“Excuse me…?”

I don’t exist. Why would someone ask excuse from me?

“Are you an idiot?” asked I to whom I heard.

“Ma’am can you help me in finding where the next train station from here is?”

Oops. “Oh, I’m sorry I’m new here…” I was not the one being asked.

“Huh…” I am such a total dimwit. I don’t exist. Why would I assume myself being asked?

“How about you? Do you know?”

“Hunh?” I tilted my head towards a white-haired woman with her hair spread all over her face, making it so hard to distinguish.

“Are you asking me, old hog? Why the hell?” Still, I’m annoyed. Why can’t she just ask other else? Why me?

“Do you know where you’re heading to?”

What on earth? “Hey lady, I don’t know what you’re saying. I–I just don’t care, alright?! So–”

She halted me. Who the hell is this bitch? I better get rid of her. Yes, I do. But a sudden twist began when I looked at her heterochromiacy. Her eyes. Left is blue, right is red.

“Are you an alien?” I asked when the woman focused her weird eyes towards mine, saying:

“You will forget anything. You will forget everything but not the way we compromise!”

What the hell’s happening?! My eyes are getting blurry when I heard a sound of an explosion I once heard on a radio.

All panicked. Everything around me's becoming insane. Is this the end? How wonderful… but what’s this sense of thrill?

Why am I the only one standing calmly in the middle of the chaos?

What happened?

I don’t know.

* * * * *

Who am I…?

Where am I…?

What is happening…?

Ahh… my head hurts… uh?

“Just who the hell is this guy…?” I heard someone. Making a soft sound.

What is it called again…?

Ahh… I don’t wanna think. I can’t see anything but there’s something white. Someone all white. She’s–

“AHHH!!!” I opened my vision and saw everything really– I don’t know… What is it called again…?

“Oh! Mr. Sheldon! The newbie is awake! He’s awake! Shall we make the entrance ceremony now?!” A girl? Wait, is this someone in front of me, a girl?

“What a pretty ‘head’. No, that’s not what it was supposed to be called. What is this called again?” I tried to wonder, pulling her ‘head’ “H–Hey! Don’t pull my hair!” She cried and as I came to know it, “A hair. That’s right! This is a hair!” I am so amazed. I am so happy. “Girl, you have a pretty hair!” I shouted with happiness. “Bullshit, you’re kidding me.” Hunh? Another unfamiliar word… “Hey, what does ‘bullshit’ mean?” I wonder. “Hah? Hey, uh, Mr. Sheldon, Nich, Sol, Mikan! You all better get hurry! I got a problem here!” Shouted the girl.

Sheldon? Nich? Sol? Mikan? What are those? “Girl, can I know–” before I had finished what I want to wonder, she grabbed me shouting, “I’M NOT A GIRL, IDIOT!!!” eh? No. She must be kidding, her hair is different from a boy’s. Her eyes are like lights. Her body is a girl’s. If I take a look at her–

“What’s the problem, Feliz?” Feliz? Is that her name? I heard another sound. No, it is not just a sound, it’s a– what’s it called again?

“So, you’re the newbie,” Someone, grabbed my cloth and focused his face unto me. “Uh?!!!” I got scared. My arms got numbed. “Wh–who are you…?” I asked with low tone. “Hmm?” The man focused his face unto mine's more. “U–Uh…” I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. He might do something to me that I might get hurt. What’s it– I know it starts with the letter ‘K’… “Don’t be scared. I won’t kill you.” Ah! ‘Kill’. That’s what it is! “S–sir…” I gulped for a bit.

“I am Sheldon. Welcome, newbie.” He made a curve on his lips. I know, it’s uh… “Smile.” He said.

That’s unbelievable! “How can you answer what I am thinking?!” I wondered. “It’s because, I can read your mind.” He released my cloth as matters are arousing inside my– uh… “Your mind.” He said. “What’s a mind?” I asked again. Then the girl, Feliz, moved towards the man, moving her mouth towards the man’s ears. “Hey, Mr. Sheldon… where on earth did you found this idiot? He doesn’t seem to know what everything around him is.” I just kept on staring at them, soaring below an unfamiliar place with those things spinning around. “It’s because he had an amnesia.” The man said. "Y'know, like those lost kids in movies."

“A–Am…” What is it that he’s saying– what? “Oh, an amnesia huh… well, he’s indeed a headache. Can he really be included to our Unorganization?” Feliz said. “Ask him what he can remember the last time he remembered.” The man tapped Feliz’ back as Feliz made a distorted face with rising eyebrows towards me, asking, “What’s your name?” She asked.

“My name…? I–I don’t know… I don’t know…” I wonder. Why can’t I know? A name is what a person called but, I can't remember mine’s. “How about… What do you remember the last time you do?” She palmed my head. “I remember… a word…” I’m trying to remember. White. It was said by someone all white. “-āys…” It ends with ‘āys’… “Ice? Like frozen water?” Feliz said, not sure. The man made a smile again but mysteriously, saying, “Okay, okay, your name is Ice. I-C-E.” He said.

Ice…

So that was my name.

Then the man made his way through the passage, I think. With his hands inside his lower cloth, waving at us saying, “Oi Feliz, this is an urgent order. Call Nich. Ask for a mind-data accumulation, somethin' like that. For Ice.” He said. “You serious? Is that even possible? This guy should regain his original memory!” Feliz got confused then the man paused walking then turned his vision unto us as he smiled, “That’s right! He shall regain his true memories but he can’t regain them if he remains such clueless on how to, right?” Feliz’ eyes remained opened still. “And after it, he’ll be a part of our group as we’ll help him regain. As we unorganized.” Ended by closing the door.

I wonder where he’s going… But he’s a really good man. He’s good to me. I should say something to him when he got back. What is it again?

Then Feliz handed something. A small rectangular thing with light passing out from it. She touches it through her fingers. I know I saw it before, “Hey Nich, Mr. Sheldon had an order. He asks to prepare a mind-data accumulation. This is for the newbie. Can’t say no to him.” Feliz lowered her eyes a bit then pointed the stuff and placed it inside the pocket of her cloth. “F-Feliz… What shall I do?” I asked. Maybe I can gain more matters. “Hey, Ice, look at this!”

“Hunh–” OW! What the…

I blacked-out. I don’t know why…

* * * * *

Hey… what’s happening to me? This is all dark? But I can hear voices… “Ice?” Someone’s calling me. Yes. That’s my name.

“AH!” I woke up from a very, very long sleep. But it’s different. I know many things now. I know, I had an amnesia that’s why I can’t remember my past. Now this made sense. It was an explosion and that’s what I can remember. Oh, and also ‘āys’.

“Ice, are you alright?” Someone held my shoulder while I am lying on a bed, wearing a patient gown. The room’s very bright, as I keep on twitching my eyes. It was Feliz. His kneeled eyebrows told me that he’s worried. “Feliz…” I called as he got surprised for a second, “I’m fine. Don’t worry, I know you’re a lad. I’m sorry, I thought you’re a–” All of a sudden, it’s me who got surprised when, “Ice! Thank God you’re alive!” he hugged me. “F–Feliz…” Now I’m wondering why. “You’ve been sleeping for almost three weeks! We thought that the operation can’t be a success but, you’re alive!” He shouted. I’m feeling a warm one. That there are people who even cared if I die. “Operation?” I asked then someone entered the room through the white door. He’s a thin youth wearing a jacket and chained eyeglasses. He’s green eyes made my sense be at ease for I think that I know him but I’m not sure. “I made you an artificial memory that will not last forever. I don’t even know if forever do exist but at least, you’ll be helped. By the way, I’m Nich. I’m the Unorganized Game Master. I manage all techs, I hope you understand.” He calmly said. Well, I think that he’s also good but he’s different from the man I met with Feliz. He doesn’t smile. “Nich…” I said, “Feliz called you that way, so I shall also call you that way too.” I said adding, “Thank you… for your help. Really.” I extended my hand to reach his but unfortunately, he moved away staring calmly at me. “That’s fine. Well, I shall go now, Sol and I have some business to be done at the ‘war-zone’. Mr. Sheldon might be coming back to see you. Feliz, take care of Ice while we’re gone.” He said with ‘baby-sitter’ Feliz got no more to complain. I’m feeling humbled by seeing Feliz just slumping down on the chair seemed hopeless even though he really likes to help his mates.

I checked the clock and its 7:25 in the morning. Maybe I should start moving now. I have to know more. About these guys. About myself. About what happened to me that time. Everything.

So, I stood up, surprising Feliz who’s reading a book with his back leaned on a stainless chair. “Hey, don’t get up yet. You still needs some rest.” He held my arm, informing me but I’m already fine and I can’t stand just lying down on the bed and doing nothing. “Feliz, I want to know more. I’m really fine now, really.” I said, hoping that I will be permitted to move. Then Feliz looked at me for a moment with timid eyes followed by a little slap on his forehead saying, “Huh, alright, alright,” he sighed. “Really?” I’m glad that he permitted me but I guess he’s not that agreed. “But, first go on and take a bath, and uh, go to room fifteen, you’ll see your clothes there. Wear your underwear and cover your ass.” Well, that’s kinda ridiculous. “U– I don’t wear any underwear???!” I got surprised, without me realizing it in the first place. “Yes exactly, so go on wear a cover for your dick.” He said slapping my back. “Ow!” Feliz is a really– I don’t know– he’s true but in an average green-minded ‘not kidding’ manner.

I want to know more about this place. For a moment, I looked back at the room I went out as I walked a little distance from it through a yellowish corridor. Its early morning twilight and the rays of the sun refracting through the sliding windows catch my eyes. It seems like I was reborn again. That this was the first time to open up my eyes and see through sunshine. I stared outside by the window seeing people walking by, jogging, biking, and breathing the early morning breeze. “Hurry up, we’ll stroll outside!” said Feliz, making me move further.

I searched for the room numbered fifteen and I found it at the limit of the corridor. It was the second to the last. There I found the door key stuck still in the knob with a small keychain with a symbol of peace with cat-ears, I think. The key was labeled, ‘Ice’ so I knew that the room’s really mine. I opened the room only to find an average spaced home with a small bathroom, a solo bed with bluish mattress, and one closet matching with a medium-sized rectangular study table. Oh, and add the cute little refrigerator and a flat-screen TV affixed on the white painted wall. I found the clothes that Feliz was talking about, inside the closet. I know it’s new but the price tag was scratched, hiding its price to me. “Who might buy these?” I’m thinking. Then through the long-sleeved cloth, a small white paper slid, making me bend down the floor to reach it. The handwriting was quite a mess but I’m trying to understand it. It says:

Hey ICE!!! Sorry that you’re experiencing a complete Unorganization. Well, I hope that you really understand. Those are your clothes. I’m the one who picked those and I know that it’ll make you absolutely awesome. I’m really happy that I found you. By the way, I would like to talk with you about stuffs and yeah, I hope you’ll enjoy staying with us. I know this will not be permanent but at least, we would like to join you. I’ll go back there after accomplishing getting rid of some shits. By the way, I’ll start calling you Ice. You can call me as Mr. Sheldon or even as Sheldon-chan if you want! Knowing that you’re Japanese. :) …

I’m really amazed by his small handwriting, trying to fit those words inside a small paper.

…

I really should thank him.

…

But wait... I'm Japanese...?

After the cold bath, still shivering until I realized that warm water was available, I hurriedly dried my curly ice-blue hair and wore the pearl white long-sleeved shirt with another peace sign on its right portion. With the slate-colored pants and bronze-colored sneakers. For the last time, I looked at the mirror of my closet. Seeing myself is really complicated to comprehend. Seems like I’m not exactly what I really was. I’m thinking. Does my real family panicking right now? Or they don’t care about me being lost in the first place? I want to know. Who I am. Who I was. What I really am.

My reflecting was ended by a sudden knock. “Hey, did your hair got stuck with the zipper of your pants? You’re having a long time there. It's past thirty!” Heh. Feliz. So, I opened the door seeing him leaning by the window with his usual timid-smiling face. “Sorry but I didn’t catch any hair through the zipper. ’Cause I already wear underpants.” I kidded confidently. “Fantastique!” he said, slapping my back.

We got out of the building, with a signage saying: Red Zinnia Residence. As we started walking, I’m wondering, “Hey Feliz? Why is it that the signage says ‘residence’? Who exactly own that four-storey building?” I queried. “Oh, you ask? That building is our home. That’s the home where we come back safe after every mission. Our Mum owns and runs that building even that café,” he pointed the vintage café on the building’s corner, “She sustains us.” Feliz smiled. Now I’m wondering more. “Who’s her? Your Mum?” Feliz looked at me all of a sudden saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet her, for sure. She’s just busy over stuffs at England.” Wow. "So, this woman is rich, huh? I mean, of course, Feliz, Mr. Sheldon, and even Nich and other else are not her relatives– wait. How could I know that?" Huh… I don’t know.

“She’s not a relative to us but she and Mr. Sheldon are really close friends. That’s what some of us know but all we know is that she’s the dearest person who accepted us, who gave us home, and who acted as a mother to all of us.” he grinned. Maybe he really dears that woman. “I hope I could meet her.” I said. “Of course, ’cause she’s the one who will approve you to be an official Unorganized member.”

“By the way, Ice,” Feliz called, “You’ll meet some of us. I don’t know when and where.” He meant, his other comrades. “Let’s see, you met me, obviously, Nich, and Mr. Sheldon. You’ll meet Sol and Mikan maybe tomorrow. Today, we’ll buy your needs.” He informed and for a second thought, I realized that we’re indeed gonna buy stuffs but, “Hey, Feliz, where will you get some money– you know– for buying things I need?” I’m just wondering as Feliz confidently said that, “Don’t worry, everything’s under control. The money was given intentionally for you by Mum,” then I thought that their Mum is absolutely a caring one. “R–Really?” I was humbled about it. I’m planning to thank her though when I get the chance to meet her. “You see,” Feliz explained more, “Mr. Sheldon told Mum about you and in just a couple of minutes, she passed extra money to Mr. Sheldon’s account, saying that it will be allotted for you to buy the things you need during your long stay.” I was humbled more. Probably because of thinking that, I am indeed a stranger but, it seems like I’m a lost relative that was already found. Found by these guys. They treat me like I’m a special person. I really should thank them for that. So, I paused for a second, looked at Feliz, saying, “Feliz,” I called, “Huh?” as he got surprised, “Thank you. Really, I mean it.” I grinned. Instead of hearing a ‘you’re welcome’ reply, I heard something like, “What the hell is the drama for? Fix your ass dude, this is not yet the time to thank me. We just met by this week.” He pouted and it’s kinda weird but funny but I smiled though and we continued walking.

* * * * *