Fire Inside

His message a few days earlier had caught her off guard. It’s not that they weren’t on speaking terms, things had just gotten… awkward. They’d both agreed that space would be a good idea. She wondered if she had done the right thing by accepting his invitation to start again and catch up with a few beers. Her inner dialogue had been jabbering away with itself for nearly twenty minutes now; her heart-rate and stomach couldn’t take much more.

“Hell-oh!” Abi blinked and jumped at the same time as her brother’s demand for attention snapped her out of her thoughts. “Abi, we’re here - was it your plan to actually get out of the car at some point?” “Ha! Sugar, sorry, yeah, I was in my own little world! Thanks a mill for the lift, you’re a star.” She gave her brother a kiss on the cheek and gathered up her belongings. Maneuvering herself out of the car, she reminded him to pop back for her around 11pm. “No bother - or if you’re later feel free to get a taxi and I’ll leave a key out, there’s no hassle!”. “Will do, drive safe!” She closed the door and stood watching the car drive away, listening to the calming hum of the engine and turbo dumping. She lingered there longer than necessary really; her mind in overdrive, bracing herself for the unknown.

For fuck sake Abi. Quit it. You’re here now, you made your decision. You’re ruining what is going to be a perfect evening if you keep this shite up. Remember how much fun you guys have when you’re together and work from there. This is your chance to let both of you prove that being friends will work.

Abi chastised her internal-overthinker. It would be fine. It would be fun. She thought about the last time they joked in his kitchen about something ridiculous and had tears running down their faces they laughed so hard. With that, she turned around and looked at the marina. Instantly she relaxed. Water always calmed her. The clinking of rigging from the main sails of the yachts was quiet tonight, there was hardly a puff of wind. She always loved that sound, it reminded her of years spent on boats with her own family. Feeling calmer and settled, she began her descent down to the jetties.

By the time she reached the berth, the feeling that she had made the wrong decision had completely abated, uncertainty gone. This is how it could be from now on - chilled out times on boats, reminiscing and lots of laughs. The yacht was lit up from the inside, with a few marker lights outside to guide a way along the deck. The table at the aft was extended, ready for drinks and a hum of music came from the main cabin. Abi smirked. James’ taste in music was very different to hers and this evening there was some weird combination between house trance and some kind of ballad happening. She took a moment to look along the length of the boat, admiring her lines and how the ripples of water reflected and lapped along the water-line. She always wanted to learn how to sail. Someday maybe. Her head lifted as she allowed her eyes to travel all the way to the top of the mast where the wind vane indicated a soft south-westerly.

“I’m down here”.

“JESUS!” Abi jumped. James had appeared on deck and positioned himself slightly to her left without her knowing. Her reaction had both of them laughing and Abi’s worry about things being strained, or difficult, drifted away.

“Someone obviously needs a drink”, James chuckled as he held out his hand to help her onboard. His eyes twinkled and his cheeks dimpled as he did and Abi felt a warning flash of nerves shoot across her stomach.

Avoid physical contact!

She smiled up at him, feeling her face flush a little. “C’mon, you know I know my way around a boat!” she responded as she grabbed a stay line and hopped onto the deck. She landed right in front of him, no space to go anywhere without clamouring around lines, cleats and countless other trip hazards. And in a flash, there it was. That sensation of being drawn to someone. Like magnets. Fuck. .

James cocked his head to the side and shrugged one shoulder. “Fair enough.” He held her gaze a little bit longer than felt comfortable for her before taking the bag from her hand, and gracefully ducking under some rigging. “I’ll pop these in the freezer for a few minutes to give them a head start”.

Abi exhaled a breath that she hadn’t realised she’d been holding on to.

Don’t blow this up in your head to be more than it is Abi. Relax.

Hearing James in the galley pottering around, she allowed herself to reset. He could sense it all, or at least she thought he could. She wanted to be friends and make it work. So she had to believe that it could and not read into every… tiny… movement. She chuckled inwardly realising how much hard work her over-active imagination caused her sometimes, before making her way down to the seats at the stern of the yacht.

Passing the steering wheel she allowed herself to pause, hands resting on the shiny, curved mahogany and reflective stainless steel of the giant wheel. Time spent sailing around the Cayman Islands for a few days with her mum flashed into her mind, vivid and warm. James reappeared from below deck, and paused. He leaned against the door, admiring the sight in front of him. “She suits you”, he said, with a relaxed smile on his face. Abi smiled back. “I think she and I would get on just fine. Let’s have a beer - I want to hear all about your trip from Kinsale”.