Chapter One
He walked quietly, hands in pocket, into the College of Arts to his lecture hall. It was already thirty minutes into the lecture and he was well aware that he was late. Even so, he kept trudging steadily alone.
It was intentional, him being late, that is. He hadn’t gone off to someplace or overslept like people normally did. No, he had stopped on his walk from his Psychology class to stare at the popular Mirror Lake. The fountain had stopped spewing water since winter began two months from then. Some of the snow on the land surrounding the lake was slowly melting off in preparation for the spring. If he looked far enough he would see drops of water dripping from the melting snow which hung on tree branches. In about three days, the branches would be completely void of the snow and leaves would start growing. In few weeks, Mirror Lake would lose the image of reality it possessed only during the winter and would regain its image of dream-like beauty it and would maintain it for most of the year. At least he had a little more time to admire the real image of the lake.
The area looked desolate even if different people were passing by it at that time. Usually, during the spring and fall, people several people could be found at the shore of the lake on picnic dates or just admiring the beauty of the lake or whatever it was they did there. Now, the number of people who stopped to spare it more than a passing glance could be counted on one hand. That was how it always turned out, once the lake lost its glamour it was abandoned by the people that always came to relax near it.
That’s how it should be, they were humans after all.
It’s not like he was complaining. He liked the view of the lake in the winter when nobody would be seen playing on the shore, letting themselves get deceived by the beauty of the lake. Each year’s spring always brought new couples to the lake. He had never seen the same two faces return to the lake together after each year passed. It was sad, the couples always came to the lake and would make promises of forever love and in at least a month, they would break up. Sad indeed.
After some minutes, he heard it. Laughter.
He looked in the direction of the sound to see a man and woman, both dressed in winter clothes scooping up snow and throwing it at each other. He had seen them before. Not even the winter could keep them away. Oh well, by next year at least one of them would come with a different partner.
Now the same man who had stood admiring the infamous Mirror Lake was walking into his lecture hall thirty minutes after the lecture had started. He walked to his designated seat at the back, dropped the satchel he had been carrying around and got a notebook from it. It was then that he decided to actually listen to what his English Literature lecturer, Professor Lionel Wayne was saying. Professor Lionel, a thirty-four-year-old man with round glasses and brown hair packed into a short ponytail stood in front of the hall talking about a book by a female African writer, Tsitsi Dangarembga.
He had the book back in his flat and had read it over and over so there was no need to listen to Lionel. Even so, he picked up his pen and scrawled out the points Lionel was making in his book.
An hour and thirty minutes later, the lecture was over. Lionel called out just as the last person was walking out of the hall.
“Nicholas, I’m sure you have a good excuse for being late.”
Nicholas turned to face him and responded. “I wouldn’t say it’s a good one, but yeah. You could say that I got lost.”
Lionel looked at him for a while before sighing, bringing the fingers of his left hand to his temple.
“Alright, may I read your latest entry. I’m sure you’ve written something down” Lionel asked stretching his other hand forward.
Nicholas silently dipped his hand into his black satchel which hung around his shoulders and brought out a small leather-bound book with the word, ‘Thoughts’ inscribed on it in gold. He handed it to Lionel who leaned against his mahogany desk. He flipped through the pages until he got to the last page that had writing on it. The writing was a poem.
Lionel had been interested in Nicholas ever since he found out that he wrote poems. He was one of the few people that Nicholas related with not just because he had to.
Lionel read the poem and was immediately filled with a sense of dread.
No One Cares
Actually think deeply about this
Because only you can notice it
You never seem to know
How much you try to escape it
How much you devise ways to hide it
But you always forget
Illusions don’t last
Even lovely dreams are woken up from
To remind you of the reality at hand
That you are alone
That no one cares
No mind is focused on you
No one bothers about you
Because when it all comes down to things
You were always shunned, not loved.
Nicholas Radcliff
Professor Lionel read it about again before he finally closed the book. He placed his fingers on his forehead again whilst exhaling and shaking his head. He looked at Nicholas straight in the eye.
“There’s this dreary feeling I get when reading your poems, Nick.” Lionel said.
“Is that so?” Nicholas asked sarcastically.
“Yes. Why is that?”
Nicholas almost sneered at the really stupid question but he answered.
“The answer’s quite simple really. You already know that artists pour out their all; emotions and stuff into their art. The same goes for me. I’ve seen it, the truth of this world. From that truth, I’ve learnt that happiness is just deceit so I find no reason to engage in that deceit.” He took the book from Lionel’s hand and deposited it in his satchel. He walked towards the door but stopped just as his hand laid on the doorknob. “I don’t know Lionel, but you don’t expect someone who lacks that ‘happiness’ like me to write happy poems do you?”
He opened the door and already had one leg through the doorway when Professor Lionel stopped him for the second time in that hour.
“You can’t tell me that in this vast world, you don’t find anything or any reason to feel even a little joy. Not one?”
“No, I really don’t” Nicholas responded and walked out.
Nicholas was almost angry as he walked out of the College of Arts. He always warned Lionel that he wasn’t welcome to prying into his life. Yes, he had allowed him to read his poems but that did not mean that he considered him a friend. He was merely an acquaintance, as well as his English Literature professor.
The last question really put Nicholas off. What was Lionel’s business with his happiness? Why couldn’t he get it? The same way not everyone is made for success is the same way not everyone is made for happiness. Life was about role-playing. Everyone has a role and to Nicholas, he was playing his quite well. Prof Lionel should learn to grasp that. He was way too inquisitive for his own good. Then, he couldn’t stop himself even if he tried, could he? He was human after all, a terribly nosy species. That’s why he hated them. It’s like they never heard of how curiosity killed the cat.
Nicholas had walked a considerable distance from the College of Arts when he decide to stop at a nearby tree to sit on the bench underneath it. He knew that he must have been a strange sight because no one really sat under the trees during the winter. The bench was cold, the branches coated with snow. The conditions weren’t exactly relaxing but it was the only way he could be alone without having to walk all the way to his apartment.
He placed his satchel on his lap and reached in to get something when he heard a voice that made him groan inwardly.
“Well, I won’t say I’m surprised that you’re here.”
Nicholas lifted his head to face the jean-clad legs of the owner of the voice. He lifted his head higher to see a man donning a white brown cashmere sweater with a scarf of a lighter shade around his neck.
Just another human trying to disturb his peace.
“What, Derek?” Nicholas asked, bored of the conversation already.
“You haven’t appeared at the lantern office for a week now.”
“And?”
“You didn’t even bother showing up yesterday and Monday knowing fully well that the newspaper would be circulated in print form today and Tuesday.”
“I saw the paper. You guys did a good job without me.”
“That was me. I had to take responsibility as the Editor-in-Chief and your only friend.” Derek said to him but didn’t get a response. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
“No wonder…” Nicholas said pulling out a bag of chips from his bag “I counted about three articles that I would have deleted before I got to the third paragraph.” He got the bag of chips open and started munching away at it while Derek stood, looming over him.
After a while, Derek sighed and sat beside Nicholas.
“The all-business attitude didn’t suit me, did it?”
Nicholas shook his head as he chewed.
“In the first semester, I was just the Managing Editor. I know it was almost as much work as the Editor-in-Chief, but at least then, I had breathing space. Now however, I’ve got all eyes on me. Of course I won’t be able to do your job as the copy editor perfectly. I had other editors to check up on too. At least help me out, Nick.” Derek looked at Nicholas who was still chewing.
“You sound so pitiful it’s almost funny,” Nicholas said after swallowing. “At least you don’t have your annoying grin on.”
Derek Tanner was the only person Nicholas had deemed worthy of calling a friend. They had both attended the same high school but Derek was a year ahead of him. Derek had been the typical football jock but he was also in their school’s Newspaper group. Nicholas had been a loner who didn’t see the group as useful. Derek had written an article about bullying when his group of friends were taunting Nicholas and calling him gay because he wrote poems. That was the first time Nicholas had acknowledged Derek’s existence. He had appreciated it to an extent but didn’t bother thanking him personally. It didn’t matter, he had thought.
Two years later, Nicholas got into the Ohio State University. He was taking a stroll when a tanned man approached him.
“I had always argued that no one could survive without at least one friend, but boy oh boy did you prove me wrong. I’m Derek Tanner. You remember me, right? From High school. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.” Derek had said with his hand stretched forward.
Unsurprisingly, Nicholas didn’t take it. He had responded with an ‘okay’ and walked away. He however ended up seeing Derek again on his second week as a lantern reporter. Derek had welcomed him with a smile which Nicholas ignored.
Derek didn’t give up and as time went by Nicholas actual started to enjoy his company, which was a rare thing.
The rest was history and now, two years later, Derek was Nicholas’ longest and friend.
“Fine, I’ll come, if only to get that look off your face. Pity doesn’t suit you much.” Nicholas said.
Derek’s face brightened as he looked at Nicholas.
“Thanks Nick. Now, other editors won’t think I’m partial.”
“Aren’t you?”
“I am but I don’t want people thinking that.” Derek rose to his feet “I have a class right about now. I’m expecting you at the journalism building tomorrow.”
Nicholas put a handful of chips in his mouth as he watched Derek walk away.
