Screwed

I gape disbelievingly at the letters sprawled in capitals on the huge sign post placed atop the blue skyscraper.


A wave courses through my veins and I can feel a sensation building up like bricks inside me. I can almost taste it; it's like honey being poured onto a dry fountain, until it fills up and runs over. It's threatening, but in a good way. My heart is overly charged, ready to explode with where an empty hole once lay.


My cheeks go wild at the sensation. A huge smile latches itself onto my face and for a while, I shutter my eyelids close and savor all the sweetness.


For a while, I just want to pretend, pretend that nothing bad happened and that life has always been good to me.


In my mind, I never set foot at that bar that night.I never slipped into that gold digging dress that Alice gave me for my birthday. I never got crazy drunk and smashed my lips onto some stranger's own. My appearance never screamed sex and that stranger never bent me over the toilet and ram sacked his dick into me against my will.


For a few seconds, I want to be in another world, where my belly never swelled with a baby for six months and miscarried. A world where funeral mode was displaced from my options, where my eyes didn't bulge out of their socket and where I didn't spend my days drinking tears like it was a glass of water.


That my music career hadn't been ran over. And that my fans didn't hurl stones at me when the douche who bent me over clearly wiped his name off the world's blacklist with his towels of money.


In my head, none of those ever happened, because I'm putting those images behind. I'm burning them along with the fury, hatred, self pity and everything else that helped to throw the old Susan Mills under the bus.


As my eyes flutter open, and the sun bounces its rays against the glass wall of the million dollar building, I see it shining and I see my future right in there.


The harps that have been buried deep in the pit of my belly suddenly rise and flow with music. I love the warm sensation, the feel of a new beginning. This is where I've always belonged and I won't be thrown off balance again.


With jerked up chin and shoulders, I saunter into the building. But when I come to the conference room, my confidence suddenly falters. My feet have lost the ability to move.My mouth has gone dry.My heart is raggedly pounding against my rib cage because I see him—my manager.


His piercing baby blue eyes,contoured nose,dark eyebrows, defined jaw line and succulent pink lips that I so want to devour.The media does no justice to his looks.


And that's when I knew.


Oh boy.......


I am so screwed.