Eye Contact
Electric blue eyes with little specks of silver throughout them. I can see some green billowing out from the pupil, swirling into the blue. It reminds me of the galaxy. Always moving, always flashing, always creating something new.
Sometimes, I’m lost in those eyes. And I forget that there’s a world going on outside of them. I’m so entranced by their peace, until he pulls me back to life.
“Hey, hey, you there?!” Cosmos snaps his fingers in front of my face, trying to regain my attention on his words instead of his eyes, “I lost you again. What’s going on?”
“Mhmm,” I reply, still staring absentmindedly into those remarkable eyes, trying to grasp what genuinely goes on behind them. Cosmos presents this front that he’s an open book, that he could be asked anything and answer honestly. But I know better. He’s no more of an open book than I am, sitting in class, never spouting a word.
Cosmos observes me worriedly, “Umm, yes isn’t an answer to my question. What’s up with you lately?”
I finally let his words sink in. What’s up with me? I’m tempted to reply the sky and go off talking about space and all the very interesting phenomena within it, solely to avoid an answer to his inquiry. Maybe I do get annoyed by his reluctance to divulge his numerous thoughts, but I’m no better. It’s a wonder we’re friends with such a lack of trust. It didn’t used to be this way. I decide I wanna break the cycle, or at least try.
“What would you do if I died?” the question pops out of my mouth without my censuring it.
Cosmos stares at me for a second. A look of shock, then confusion sweeps his already pale face. I can tell he’s tempted to freak out but responds coolly, “I’d fall apart… What would you do?”
“I’d die right beside you, because whatever got you into that much trouble wouldn’t have been accomplished alone,” I smirk, hoping to lighten the mood and compel Cosmos to forget my abrupt and odd question. But I’m wiser than that. Cosmos never misses a beat. I love and hate that about him. He’ll be sure to press me more later, but for now, he seems to lay off.
Catching my hand, Cosmos leads me towards the movie theatre down the street from our neighborhood. It’s a small, humble location, but we enjoy it. A concession stand runs out front, with a slight variety of sweets and popcorn to bring inside. Cosmos saunters up to the stand, making small talk with Jerome, one of his many friends who works here. I admire the quaint building as always. Flashing lights surround an enormous, pearly white sign with the latest movies spelled out upon it. That’s typical of most movie theatres, but the pride jewel of the place is the star that rests perfectly on top.
A star may not seem like much, but this star was signed by the senior high school drama club of 1981. They used to perform every Friday at this place before it became a TV joint. The class became famous not only around here, but in Hollywood itself. Our little town produced a group of the finest actors in history, my mom being the most renowned of all. So, we keep the star. In memory of the fact that dreams can come true, though I’ve been doubting that lately. My mom still belts out showtunes throughout the house as she cleans, but she ain’t no Shirly Temple anymore. The truth is, she resigned from the hope of becoming an actor the minute she realized what it was doing to her closest friends. Said the show biz twisted their minds, warped them to be mere money loving fools. I don’t know. All I know is her dream was to be an actress, but it wasn’t all it was chalked up to be.
Finally finishing his banter with his friend, Cosmos returns bearing my favorite candy bar and a huge bag of overly salted, and equally buttery, popcorn. I nearly rip the Cookies ‘n’ Cream Hershey bar from his hands as we officially enter the theatre.
I barely understand the storyline of the movie. It’s some Western Cosmos has chosen. He’s constantly telling me how the last frontier now is space, and even that we’re gonna explore one day. I hope he’s right. I’d give anything to escape to Neptune for the rest of my life.
Life. Right now, I despise that word. But I also loathe the word death. Honestly, I hate any words that remind me of either of those things, and that’s a good amount of words. I feel torn. I don’t know how to reveal anything to Cosmos. I wish it was like when we were younger. Everything was simpler and the worst secrets we had were who had a crush on who. Now, our secrets are like these uncrossable barriers. They wall up my heart, preventing it from breaking, but also preventing it from loving. How do I tell him? Surely, it’ll harm him so much if I do. I long to be truthful, but my most prominent fear is him leaving me. Will letting him know my secret cause him to give up? On me? On us?
Questions pound my brain incessantly, and I glance over at Cosmos. He’s laughing at the show. His eyes are twinkling. Those eyes, oh I desire so much to lose myself in them, never to resurface. It only takes a minute before he spots me. Sees my ugly brown eyes looking back at him, filled with pain and anxiety. We make eye contact and I know there’s no going back. I must tell him.
