Chapter 1
Life had been so odd since my husband died. Everyone treated me differently, like they would rather pretend I didn’t exist. They had never liked me, they only tolerated me because everyone loved John. Widows weren’t common in my town, and they were feared. I had heard the whispers, knew what they called me behind my back. They all thought I was cursed, that I had killed my husband, used magic to free myself from his bindings. I would never do that, but the gossips would never believe me.
I remember the night I lost him, the worst night of my life. I had been waiting for him to come home, dinner cooking on the stove when I heard a bang on the front door. When I had opened it, I found his body on the other side, blood dripping down his face. I could see the wounds all over his body, long scratches cutting deep into his skin. The one that really worried me though was the large bite mark I could see on his neck. I could see the outline of huge teeth, and his blood was just pouring out.
“Oh no, John, what happened to you?” I whispered as I gathered him in my arms. I was too shocked to bring him inside, but I could tell there was nothing I could do for him. I rocked him in my arms as I sobbed, listening to his rapid wheezing breaths. The wound on his neck stopped gushing blood and he groaned, making me still. If my thoughts were correct, I needed to get his gun. I had to stop what was about to happen to him but I couldn’t. This was my husband, who I had known since I was a girl. I couldn’t hurt him, I loved him too much. I sobbed louder as he groaned again, this one sounding more like a growl. Maybe if I waited long enough, he would change and end my misery, because I didn’t know how I was supposed to live without him.
“Lissy, you have to go,” he rasped, reaching a hand to push my hair behind my ear. I could feel the blood he left on my skin, but I still leaned into his touch. “You know what’s happening, you have to find someone to kill me.” His eyes locked onto mine and all I could do was shake my head. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Maybe this time would be different, maybe he could be saved. He coughed and started shaking in my arms, loud growls erupting from his chest. I jumped back when the hand on my face turned into claws, slashing my skin open. I still couldn’t leave him though as I watched, pressed against the door of our house. His body was changing, the fur erupting from his smooth skin. I could hear his bones breaking as they reshaped into something inhuman, something ruled purely by instinct. It only took minutes, and I couldn’t look away from what my husband had become. The very thing that ruled my nightmares. He was a werewolf now, and there was nothing I could do about it. His golden eyes stared into mine as he stood in front of me, crouched on two legs. Tears were falling silently from my eyes as I waited, but he never attacked. He stood there looking at me for a while, then he ran into the forest.
I collapsed once he left, screams leaving my body that I didn’t even know I was capable of. Eventually someone came to check on me, and when they saw the claws on my face they knew what happened. I was so in shock that I didn’t even know who was helping me, but I woke up in my bed the next day unable to believe my new reality.
From then on out, the whispers of witch followed me wherever I went. They made me question who I was and what I was capable of. What if I was a witch? Did I curse my husband? He had always been so good to me, but what if that was a trick I was playing on myself? With John gone, it became almost impossible for me to separate fantasy and reality. He had been my rock, tethering me to the real world and my responsibilities. Without him I was lost at sea.
Eventually some women reached out to me, and helped. I think they feared I would curse them next, but help was help. They gave me clothes and food, and they would leave books on my doorstep to entertain me. There were a few months that I didn’t leave the house, and those books might have saved my life. In this time, still no one spoke to me, so I never learned which women were helping me, but it didn’t really matter. The books they gave me told me about the creatures that surrounded our sleepy village, the cursed creatures doomed to roam the forest forever bloodthirsty. It helped me understand what my husband had become, but none of them could explain why he didn’t attack me. Maybe the books weren’t helpful, because all they did was give me hope.
One book was left on my door step face down. It was dusty and the cover was blank, but when I opened it I knew immediately what had been given to me. Someone wanted me to learn the witchcraft I had been accused of. The spells were simple and the women had given me all the ingredients I needed. It had been months since I had lost John, and sometimes I could hear howls in the night and I liked to pretend they were him, trying to tell me he missed me. I often dreamt of him, and he would hold me close and tell me he still loved me, that if I just tried I could cure him and we could be together again. So I started studying the book on witchcraft. At first, it didn’t make much sense to me. The potions smelled awful, they took so long to brew, and I had no way of knowing if they even worked. I started simple, with spells for a good harvest, spells for healthy animals. I figured if I helped my village, maybe I would feel a little better about myself. After all, they were my only family, even if they shunned me for what happened to John.
I decided to learn all that I could since I was alone now. I didn’t want to return to my sad, powerless life. I wanted to feel confident and strong. I learned how to use the moon’s energy for more powerful magic, and I watched the knights practice sparring so I could at least practice at home. Some days I felt so miserable that I couldn’t even get out of bed, but most days I could fight it. I got quieter from the solitude over the years, but I got stronger and I soon became known for my skills. I had a deal with a knight at the palace, he would teach me how to wield my weapons and I would give him potions that made his sick son healthy. Soon the whole palace knew about my potions, and I was able to earn enough money to get the ingredients and supplies I needed for even more powerful magic.
