Chapter 1
I'm going to be totally honest right now I fell like i want to explode into a million little pieces. I feel like if i started to recognize my self when i was younger I would not feel this way. I would probably be skinny driving around for no reason. I would get the boy that I liked and maybe friends. Since the day I was born I always felt like a failure. My mom would scream at me slap me it was never the same after my brother was born. My parents always cared about my brother,they still do. I always have to do thing wash the dishes wash,the clothes, and to look over the dogs. To be honest I thought my brother would love me but, he was the same as my parents. My dad was a drunk till my brother was born. My grandmother died when I was eight she was all i had. I feel so lonely without her. I finally found a guy that was sweet, respectful, caring,nice, and ovelal made my heart flutter. When I finally talked to him the second day of school I was lovely. We talked more and more each day I felt so safe around him. The day I found out he had a girlfriend was terrible. I had felt my heart break even though that's very dramatic it did. For weeks I stayed home not wanting to talk to anybody. That little part of my heart broke. The next week I went back. People were staring at me whispering as if I killed someone. First period began 10 minutes later. He walked in they guy that I once liked and loved was here in front of me.
I wanted to walk out an cry but I knew I couldn't. I stayed there waiting for teacher to arrive. It was like this for a week always felt something empty now that he was with her.
Today was different, it was not in a good way. I walked into class I saw them holding hands, all over each other. I wanted to cry. I walked out of class. I went to the safest place I knew, the library. I sat all the way in the back. The librarian she knew me. I always enjoyed her company. She was like a mom to me. She didn't have kids, she only had siblings. It was my second year in high school and still Cindy got on my nerves. When we were little she used to call me fat,ugly, stupid ect. anything you can imagine that made me less confident. When she told me I was fat I stopped eating. When she told me I was ugly I wore makeup in 7th grade,because when
I was younger
my parents didn't let me wear it. When she told me I was stupid I worked my ass off to get smarter. I'm now on the top of all of my classes. Anyways back to the library . Once I sat in the back I took out my laptop and started playing a game. I put on head phones and listened and music. I was sitting minding my own business. I saw him. My heart ached. they were kissing. I walked out,the one person I truly loved.But he loved her. My heart ached just thinking about it. After that everything seemed like a blur. I went to a party I said yes to. I never go to parties. I woke up in bed with him. I was naked. I started to freak. He started to move. He finally woke up. I was already getting dressed. He put a towel around his waist. " this was a mistake,don't tell Cindy please shes all I have" he said . I just nodded and changed and walked out.My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to hurt my self for what I did, or what we did. I broke down crying in front of my house. I thank god my parents wen't home. I walked in to my room and started to sob uncontrollably. I woke up the next morning. I felt disgusting, i walked in the bathroom and mascara was all 0ver my face. I took a shower since I knew my parents would not be here until they wanted to get here so was about a week. Then I ate then went to school. Once I got there every one was looking at me indiscusted. I walked into the library and ask the librarian why every one was looking at me she said that every one found out me and lorenzo (the one guy this girl loves, oop anyways back to the story) slept together. I walked to class embarrassed. I saw lorenzo he looked pissed, he walked up to me. " who did you tell, I told you she was all I have" he said angry "I didn't tell anyone, why would I" I said trying not to sound hurt. I walked out of school trying not to cry. I got home broke down cry. All of the sudden I was so hungry. I rushed to the kitchen and saw there was nothing in the freezer so I went to the store in such a hurry I almost crashed into a car. I got there and got anything you could imagine. I walked out in such a hurry everything almost fell. Once I got home I ate almost everything I got. I sat down and watched tv. I fell asleep. The next morning I started throwing up unconditionally. didn't go to school that week because I haven't been feeling good. I walked into the restroom and looked in the cabinet and saw all my pads and tampons. I haven't had my period now I started to worry. I went to the store and bought a test. I took it at home. I prayed it said negative but it said positive....
