I’ll Finally be Happy

I found myself at the bridge that night, not knowing how to feel or what to do, I had no one to call. As I stood there on the edge of that ledge, looking down to see that long fall, I felt the wind against my body making me unbalanced here and there, I had finally felt the dark feeling come over me. As I stood on that ledge about to end it all, all those memories started rushing back to me, all those times I laughed my head off until I couldn't laugh anymore, all those times I truly had a real smile. I couldn't do it, it was too much of a pain to try to imagine what my family and friends would think after they found out their poor child or friend had just been found, found not moving or making a heartbeat. I slowly climbed down from the ledge and touched my feet against the solid ground out of harm's way. I sat right there, right where I had climbed down, and I started crying while burying my head into my legs. After 20 minutes of crying, I realized it was very late and my parents were at home probably worrying their minds off, so I got up and sprinted home as fast as possible. When I got to my house I walked slowly up the driveway after remembering the reason why I had gone out that night. I crept inside the front door trying to be quieter than a mouse so I didn't wake anybody. As I turned around to close the door softly I tripped and made a loud noise, then all of the sudden lights were turning on and I had realized I was in the wrong.

“Where have you been young man?” my dad howled at me.

My first reaction was to lie to him and tell him I was out partying with friends, which he had not taken well and sent me on my way to my room to spend the next week thinking about what I had “done”. I sat in the quietness of my room trying to think of something to do and I eventually dozed off into a slumber. The next morning I woke up forgetting what had happened the night before and I left my room. I crept down the stairs listening to my mom hum in the kitchen as she usually does while making her morning coffee. When I got down there I stood and stared at my mom as she danced her way around the kitchen until she realized I was there and came over and gave me a big hug. A hug always brightens my day because I didn't get them very often and they were always so soothing. After a few moments, I heard my dad stomping down the hallway towards the kitchen, and then everything came back to me from that previous night. I hurriedly ran up the stairs as my heart beat faster than it would be after running a 5K. I got in my room and slammed the door shut before my dad realized I had disobeyed him. All that day I sat in my bed, thinking about everything, making myself sadder and sadder as the hours passed by. I wasn't allowed to eat nor use the restroom, It was like I was being held captive by a capturer who had just captured the world's rarest animal and wasn't risking losing it. As those hours kept going by my sadness dragged me into an even darker pit, the darkest one I had ever seen, and it wasn’t letting me escape, not now, not later, not ever. I was losing this mind game I had gotten myself in. Why didn't I ask for help when I needed it most? Why didn't I just take my medicine like I was supposed to? Why couldn't I just be normal? These questions floated through my head nonstop, it was just like how you get a song stuck in your head, but instead of a song, it was depressing thoughts.

Nighttime had finally fallen over us, after that seemingly never-ending torturing day. The thoughts had finally consumed me, I was making myself feel horrible, I was lost and I didn’t think I could be ever found. My arm was bleeding, the worst it had ever bled, and every inch of my body was numb. After crying for a couple of hours and letting the darkness rip me more into shreds, I realized I had to let go. I went over to my desk and grabbed three pieces of paper and grabbed my favorite pen. I named each paper, Family, Friends, and Lover. I wrote my sorries and why what I was about to do had to be done. I wrote down all my favorite memories with those people that the paper was written to. In the last letter, I confessed to having caught feelings for this girl and that she was the reason I had a smile on my face most days. After I finished writing all three of my letters I folded them and set them on my bed all neatly and got dressed.

I got dressed and opened my window and slipped down the side of my house while trying not to be caught by my parents. Once I got to the ground I started crying but started walking away from my house. As I walked down the dark eerie street with tear-filled eyes, I couldn't stop thinking about how I hated myself so much, and how I wasn’t enough for this would, and that I had no purpose. After a few minutes passed I was at the bridge again, but this time I was happier that I was there. I got on the edge of the ledge, just as I did so last night. I could feel the breeze blow upon my face, the moon wasn’t shining as bright this night so I couldn't see the bottom of the fall. I stood in silence for a few moments, taking everything in, wondering if I would regret this. In the end, all that went through my mind is that the world would be a better place without me and that no one would care that I was gone. I stood there hoping I was going to a better place. I looked behind me and looked beside me and then looked forward and took a big deep breath in, as I took that big step forward off of the edge of that big ledge I muttered “ I’ll finally be happy”.