Prologue
From the earliest moment in my life all I knew was pain.
“No, I don’t want to.”
“Shh… you’re doing good.” Uncle Tommy said to me as he pushed his private parts in my mouth again. I couldn’t breath, I pushed his stomach so he would let me go. “Oh fuck…” The slimy, white stuff that came out got on all over my tongue, it was salty and tasted terrible every time he did it. I coughed and spit it out of my mouth, but I can still taste it. Uncle Tommy rubbed my back when I was still coughing. "We'll work on it." I pushed his hand away starting to cry again, I told him I don't like it.
"I don't wanna." I wiped my mouth.
"Shh." He put his finger over his lips, "It's okay, calm down you know I wouldn't ever hurt you right?" Uncle Tommy never hit me like mommy did, he always told her not to do it. I nodded, "Good. I won't tell Daddy what you did okay? I won't because this is our little secret, right?" He ran his hand on my face like always.
I nodded because when I opened my mouth to talk my tummy didn't feel good. He smiled and he let me get back on my bed then he kissed my cheek before going back to his room.
I got out of bed and went to my bathroom. I threw up because my tummy hurt a lot when mommy pushed me when I spilled the juice. I was scared Uncle Tommy was going to tell daddy and daddy won't like me anymore just like mommy told me. I heard mommy's voice in my head too, she was mean to me all the time even when I was being good.
'Don't be such a baby.'
'Boys don't cry.'
I want it to stop, but daddy will be mad about what I did.
Someone touched me in the morning, I moved away and it was just daddy. "Hey, buddy what's wrong?"
I couldn't stop crying, "You scared me." I wiped my eyes.
"Come here, I didn't mean to scare you." Daddy hugged me really tight and wiped my face. "Come on, let's take a bath and then we can go down stairs to make pancakes." I took a bath and daddy turned me around putting my towel around me. "Nate, did you fall while playing?" Daddy asked when I hugged my towel, I shook my head.
"No, me and liam played inside with cars and watched a movie."
"Can you please tell me where you got all these marks?" He showed me my arm and it was all purple with blue. "Nate?" Daddy was using his soft voice.
"Uncle Tommy said you won't like me anymore. After he said he will tell about what I did and you will be mad at me for doing a bad job."
"What did you do?" I don't want daddy to be mad at me, but I don't wanna lie. "Nate, what was the bad thing you did?"
"I didn't eat all of it and I started coughing." I started crying, daddy didn't say anything. He was mad at me, I didn't want him to be mad. "I'm sorry, it tastes bad and I didn't like it. I didn't wanna do a bad job. Uncle Tommy said that we can practice."
Daddy put his hand over his mouth looking at me before he touched my hair hugging me like when he came back from work. "I'm not mad, Nate. I'm not mad at you." He hugged me extra tight to make me feel better.
