Saturday, November 12, 1988
Saturday, November 12, 1988
Well, nothing much exciting happened today - oh except I lost my virginity, broke up with John, and then got back together with him.
He came over at about 10:00 in the morning. By 10:45 we were in bed, by 12:00 we were having lunch with Mom in this restaurant for wannabe’s downtown. She was totally trying to act like a big shot, babbling on and on about absolutely nothing practically the whole time.
She does that, talks about things that make no sense, all the stupid shit she does at work, just to make herself look important, make her life look like something it’s not. The larger the group, the more she’ll talk. Luckily today it was just John and I. Less talking. She made us eat es-car-go as an appetizer and she kept calling everyone honey, even the waiters. I hate it when she pulls shit like that.
I told her John and I just had sex. To piss her off, shut her up; see the look on her face. I swear if she hadn’t shut up, I would have stabbed her with the snail tongs. The look she gave me was priceless. She just about quit talking after that. John just sat there and smiled - the cat that ate the canary.
The actual act itself, by the way, was pretty uneventful. I could hear Tommy watching TV in the next room. For me it hurt - bad. I discovered I’m really small, and he isn’t. I could feel the skin stretching and tearing, it hurt like hell. He kept moaning my name,
Dylan, Dylan, oh God, Dylan.
Pushing harder and faster. I tensed up and dried up and all I could do was pray for him to get done and for it to be over with. Then, all day long John acted as if nothing different at all had happened - jerk!
I mean, we had talked about it for like weeks beforehand and he just floated along all day like all we’d done was nothing! So, we ended up getting into a fight, I yelled at him and he yelled at me and then I said, “We’re through!”
And he left. So, I called him a couple hours later, after I’d cooled off, to say no hard feelings but he was out, so I left a message. Nothing too long, just a quick little, “Hey, this is Dylan, no hard feelings okay? Call me back if you want.”
Mom says it’s best to call, but not leave a message if they aren’t home. She says you just need to keep calling until they answer, then pretend that was the first time you called and be totally casual about things.
But, I didn’t do that.
I called, left a message, then waited all fucking night like a fucking idiot for him to call me back.
So, he calls me at like 1:00 a.m., drunk and irrational, and says, “Fuck no hard feelings,” along with some other really horrible things.
He apologized when I started crying and told me that he loved me and didn’t mean anything by it and would I please forgive him.
So, now everything is 150% better and I love him a lot again.
