My mind was wandering and I had to mentally shake my head before I put down the frame again. It was an annoying habit which I had tried to shake off many times. That’s when I heard a pair of footsteps, they were heavy so must probably a guard. I was nowhere near ready, not realizing my hands were shivering until I felt the door slam open and instinctually, my hand went to the spot I kept my wand but my hands came up empty. The guard simply sneered at me before handcuffing me and informed me in his thin reed like voice that I had a visitor, which gave away his nervousness. I kept my face emotionless and simply raised my eyebrows in response. Then he pulled me by my chains and led me to the room assigned to me to meet my last visitor. Habitually I eyed the room and noticed the entry and exit points as well as the guards. Then my mind wandered, thinking of my parents and then I had to reign in my mind before it began to think of him. That’s when I heard the door open but as soon as my mind clicked about who my visitor was I immediately looked down at my lap absent mindedly noting my chipped nails and filed it in my mind for later when suddenly I realized with startling clarity; later would never come.
That I would never get to kiss my husband good morning or hear my son say he loved me. I didn’t even realize that they had taken their seats until he cleared his throat. I did not want to meet his eyes, his stunning gun metal grey eyes that never failed to hold me captive, that eyes that by now would be filled with hatred, maybe even a bit of sorrow but when I met his eyes all I saw was coldness and resignation. It hurt me more than anything but I had to keep up my façade. Only a single mantra of ‘he must never know’ was going through my mind, it would shatter him more than anything I could ever do as after all that monster was his idol, the one whom he tried so hard to emulate. But, it wasn’t those eyes that held the key to my heart that broke it into pieces, it was those eyes which still held traces of childhood that looked at me so hopelessly lost that shattered my heart. I averted my eyes and instead focused on the cracks in the ceiling.
I had nearly reached a hundred when the eerie silence was broken by a raspy voice that had lost all of its charm and showed me the depth of the sorrow he suffered, "Why??". I mused on how simple the question seemed and yet how complicated an answer it had. Involuntarily, my mind replayed one of my earliest memories of trying to study and work hard so as to have a better future and to get away from my hell called home. Memories of hands wandering where they shouldn't were still fresh but most important of them was the day that changed the course of my life that resulted in my father disowning me and selling me to the Master. I remember with great clarity how he trashed me, goaded me, and manipulated me till I was his perfect pet. He treated me like a princess in front of others and pampered me, always acting his part as my generous and kind-hearted benefactor in front of others. The greatest blow was when the Master married me off to the highest bidder who knew me for the pet he had shaped me into.
But the biggest surprise was when I found out that I wasn't to be his bride but his daughter-in-law. For the first time in my life I learnt how to be loved and love in return. He would treat me as something precious even in our private rooms and slowly taught me how to open my heart. I remember the way his black curls flopped up and down when he jumped with joy on learning he was to be a father, yet his own father was a monster. On knowing the fondness I had for his son, he began to threaten me with his death if I showed even a slight hesitation on my orders to assassinate. So with a heavy heart I continued to lie to my love always making up excuses knowing that if the monster gave me a command my body would move to carry it out due to way it was conditioned. I tried many times to break the thrall of the words of command even though all it resulted at the end of the day was me being given even more commands.
And then came the day when he ordered me to kill his own blood and suddenly my mind and body became mine again. Power I did not even know I had overpowered the thrall and I lunged forward to kill him, the only death that I thoroughly enjoyed. But the bastard, for what else was I to call him, had a back-up plan for the day that I would break out of his control and betray him, ensuring even in death to have power over me. I mused on all these as I sat there waiting for my ever nearing death.
All I did instead of answering his question was removing the necklace I had, the only piece of my heritage that I kept of my mother and slid it across to my baby boy who was sitting there looking lost. I mustered a smile and told him my final wish," Live, live for me." while finally meeting my husband's eyes. I looked over at my son and whispered a final love you before signaling to the guards that I wanted to go. I stood up with the chains rattling and saw my baby quickly snatching the trinket that would be the only item left behind by the one who gave birth to him and involuntarily my lips quirked.
The next day I was allowed a final bath and as I undressed I gave the frame hidden within my dress a final caress, it was my wedding photo and after placing it over my discarded clothes I removed my wedding band the only piece of jewelry that I had on me atop it. Then without even a backward glance, I went for my bath and wore the white night gown I was provided with. My magic was raging inside of me as I walked towards the noise of the crowd, clearly at odds with me. I simply hummed an old lullaby that My mother sung for me and that I sung for my son and faced the music or rather the crown that had gathered for my death. I looked at the blue sky, imprinting it in my mind before a black bag was pulled over my head and I lost my line of sight.
I simply smiled and closed my eyes, at peace with myself and welcomed death which was my constant companion.
