Reborn as a Goblin

(If you are interested in this story, go to https://www.scribblehub.com/series/319571/reborn-as-a-goblin/ for more.

I can’t believe my eyes right now. It’s left me gobsmacked. The sight before me is most definitely real and infinitely spacious to boot. A place I never thought I would be. Not even in my wildest dreams. But by far the most alarming thing about this visage is how I got to be here. I can see my home… and three of the seven continents too! Despite all this, it is a breathtaking view with all the flickering stars and planets behind it. The only blemish is that guy sitting behind that rather luxurious looking desk, toga and all. His irritated face poked out from the stacks of paper in front of him. I haven’t even said anything and he looks pissed.

But before I go any further, I should provide some context. Mainly the events that have led to my current predicament. It all started presumably in the morning. I wouldn’t know since I covered up my windows to stop that damnable sun and his pesky rays. Stirring from my slumber, I caught a whiff of something in the air. One sweet but with a hint of savoury. Must be last nights dinner I left on my desk. Rubbing my groggy eyes, my arm slither to the lamp beside me. With a click, the tiny star beamed with crisp white rays revealing what was once concealed. Of course after temporary blindness. But today was going to be another good day. I could feel it in my bones. Games, manga and anime and a whole lot of other things of equal significance. And before you even start, no I am not a shut-in. I’m retired. That’s right, I already did my part for society. Forty gruelling years of work and god knows how many studying. I deserved those last few years of indulgence. But, I’m sure you don’t want to hear my autobiography. I get it.

As the gears upstairs started churning, dawning falls upon me as a shiver runs down my spine. Not because I’m in space, that’s a little bit later on, but because I am spooning a pillow. It’s not an ordinary pillow either. It’s a waifu. I bought it a couple of months prior to this incident. I thought it would be funny to have it just sitting in the corner. But it grew on me. At some point, it found its way onto my bed, which I blame her charming personality for. With a carefree grin, I looked deep into her ruby red eyes and attempted to caress her silky black hair which felt a lot like fabric. “Morning darling,” I said in a cheerful tone, “How was your sleep?”

I imagined her cat ears flicker at the sound. “Oh, it was purr-fect with you with me. Tee hee,” she replied in a slightly higher-pitched version of my voice. The back of my mind was screaming at me to stop. No, begging me. But I pushed it back into its little closet deep within my mind and looked at my beloved darling. Enveloping her in my arms, I began rolling around. This wasn’t the smartest idea to do on a single bed. I had fallen out of it multiple times because of it. This time was no exception. Gallantly throwing my dear out my arms with a practised motion, I began tipping over. At least she won’t have to suffer for my foolishness. I had expected to hit the floor. Quickly that is, but time seemed to slow to a crawl. It was strange, this wasn’t the first time I had fallen out of bed. Compared to all those times, this felt more like a lucid dream.

I myself floating there, unaffected by any external stimuli. Flickers of my life began to envelop me. Each one is hazy, but these smells, these sounds, these flavours. I instinctively knew each and every one of them. It was a surreal experience, one that I have never had before. A flurry of emotions came as scene after scene played. Even memories that I had forgotten long ago came to being. Just before I was overwhelmed by this strange new sensation, it stopped along with a thud. “Arr, damn that hurt,” I groaned while rubbing the top of my head.

Looking up at the bed, the silhouette of a pillow could be seen. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. At least my precious darling isn’t hurt. What would I do without you, I thought, as I gently picked her up into my loving arms. Holding her like we were newlyweds I opened the door to leave. Then slammed it shut, jaw slack and eyes wide. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead. N-no that can’t be right… what did I do last night? Then it dawned on me like getting slapped across the face with an eel. I don’t remember! Oh, god this is bad. No wait, that normally happens.

Taking in a few breaths to ease the ever-growing panic within me, I extended a shaking hand towards the doorknob. Slowly but surely it turned. The screeching of metal, once unremarkable, was now ever prominent. As the gap to the outside world widened, my nerves grew ever worse. After a small therapy session with myself, I looked out the slit. Nothing had changed. Still the same endless void. Since the air in my lungs hasn’t been sucked out of my body yet, it should be alright.

Swinging open the door fully, I gorked out in astonishment at what lay before me. Wrapping my hands around each side of the door, I leaned out for a better view. What I saw was breathtaking. I wished that I could have stayed there for longer. However, a brief movement at the bottom of my peripheral vision spooked me. With that, I lost my grip and began to rotate forward. But after a brief moment, my face was firmly planted into a white glossy surface

It seemed that the movement that I had noted before was the appearance of white tiles. The texture of them was far different from what I expected. They were warm and soft to the touch. Almost like my… oh no. My head creaked as it swivelled behind me. The look on my face a kin to that have someone dropping their newly purchased phone. Which I practically did. How could I neglect my beloved darling like that! She’s helpless down there exposed to the elements. Oh, god what have I done?!? Prostrating myself on the floor, I wiggled myself like a caterpillar and cradled her in my arms, begging for forgiveness.

With the apologies out of the way, I hoisted her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and went back to the tiles. I was vexed on how they worked. Every time I approached the edge of a tile a new one would appear out of nowhere. At the same time, the tile on the other end would vanish. All I wanted to do was see what was underneath. Maybe it would help me decide if this was some hyper virtual reality room. But the floor wasn’t having any of it. So I did the next most logical thing, that being starting a mind game with the floor. I darted all over the place. Left, right, up and down. At this point I had completely forgotten about my waifu pillow, still hanging out on my shoulder. No matter how ingenious my ploys were, the floor was not so easily fooled.

With ragged breath and sweat drenching my clothes, I slumped down onto the ground. I was too old for this. “Damit!” I shouted in anguish hitting the floor with my free fist. “What is with these tiles!?!” But before I could crumble further into despair there was a pronounced cough from behind. Pivoting around, my eyes came upon the source of the commotion. A single man behind a desk, emanating an enigmatic and omnipotent aura.

That pretty much sums up the gist of what has happened so far. Just me, him and the rest of the universe. Quite some time had passed since our eyes interlocked. The same irritating look was still etched onto his face.

I awkwardly scratched the back of my head as consternation began to build up within me. “H-hi,” I said in a pathetic squeak.

Shifting his posture ever so slightly, the wrinkles on his face began to shift as his mouth formed words, “Hello Henry, I welcome you to the afterlife.” In contrast to his scrawny appearance, he had a deep booming voice. One that demanded nothing but the utmost respect. It had been many years since I had receded from society, let alone talked to anybody. I could handle small interactions, like talking to a cashier at the shops. But this, this was next level. His sheer presence was enough to make my fragile composure crumble. The prospect of further conversing with him was an ever more daunting task. I nervously glanced behind where my bedroom door was. It was gone. With no were else to retreat all I could do is turn back to the man. At a complete loss for words, I could only utter out another, “Hi.” At least this time I said it with a little bit more oomph.

“Yes, Hello,” he said back, his waning patience clearly visible on his face. “I have important matters that I must discuss with you retaining to your afterlife.”

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, “Y-yes, what can I do?” At this point, my mind was at a complete and utter loss. Here right before my eyes laid what was most likely an omnipotent being. A god or maybe even THE one and only god. And he wants to talk to me. ME! Most people that come from the verge of death say they see a tunnel of light. Where was my tunnel! I must have done something really bad to skip through the pleasantries and go straight to this, but what?

Seemingly completely ignorant or uncaring to the plight within my head, the being which I now will refer to as God continued to speak, “Good, now Hen-“

“Oh, God, please. I don’t know what I have done wrong but spare me from your divine intervention,” I pleaded, clenching the waifu pillow to my chest as a prostrated myself in front of him. I looked at him teary-eyed, “D-don’t tell it was it that time when I-“

“No!,” he said in a firm but slightly panicked voice. With an awkward cough, he continued, “That is not why I have you to stand before me. It is due to another more important matter.”

“Really!?!” I said with a sigh of relief. However, this wasn’t the time to relax. By the look on his face, it was clear that I wasn’t out of the woods. In preparation, I stood there stiff as a plank attentive to his every move.

Over a long drawn out silence he asked me with a sardonic expression, “Let me inquire to what it is you’ve done the last few years?”

All I could do was look at him with a blank face. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly caught my words. What made me hesitate wasn’t the difficulty of the question but what the information the answer would entail. I could tell by the look of disrelish that he already knew. Still, to verbalise it was far beyond my social capabilities. With that in mind, I simply replied, “Ahhhhh… stuff?” By his expression, I don’t think he was amused by my response.

“Stuff?” He replied, hostility seeping into his every word. “What is it you mean by stuff?”

“Indulgence and Hobbies?” I hesitantly replied.

A small glimmer of hope entered his eyes. “Yes, Yes! Now we are getting somewhere,” he exclaimed somewhat ecstatically. “See, the current predicament we find ourselves in is due to those very past times.” A bemused expression crept onto my face. How could that be such a big issue? I’m sure tonnes of people do the same thing. Probably realising my confusion he continued on, “All your extracurricular activities or outings were largely devoid of any meaningful human interaction. Upon such a sparse encounter with another, your mannerisms were not overly malicious nor virtuous. Just one of pure monotonous indifference, looking for the quickest route out. You only ever employed the utmost pleasantries to hasten converse. Your life held such potential to revolutionize the world around you. But instead of utilising the gift I bequeathed you, you decided on a stagnant, innocuous and dull life. No impact was made whatsoever in the grand tale of humanity. Only the beginning held such promise.”

Well fuck you too then, I thought before replying, “Well if that’s the case, I’ll just go back and make the best out of the rest of my time?”

“No, that will not do at all for time is already up.”

It took a while for the words to click. I felt my blood recede deeper within me, no doubt giving me a ghostly visage. I felt dizzy, nauseous even. No, it can’t be, am I dead. How did this happen? When? Looking at my trembling hands, I asked in a shaken voice “A-m… am I d-dead?”

“Why yes you are, it occurred but a moment ago. Falling on one crown will do that to someone advanced in age. To think a childish moment could be so rudely interrupted from a tumble out of bed.”

I took a nervous gulp with a bright pink face, “Oh, I see. Didn’t think anyone would see that. S-so ahh, what happens now then?”

“Before I proceed, I must inform you on how the afterlife works. On one passing there are a couple of things that can happen. First is that your soul is kept by your Gaudian and reused in their realm, reborn once anew. Second, if the Gaudian does not wish to keep said soul and it is ferried to the Elysian Fields. There, any Gaudian in need of more souls may use them to fill their realms vessels. Lastly, if the soul is deemed unworthy of new life, they are sent to the abyssal void to drift away and slowly fade into nothingness.”

He pulled on a draw on his desk and removed two files, placing them side by side on the desk. A hand on each one, he looked at me condescendingly with a raised eyebrow, “Do you know the significance of these?” How would I know that!?! And by the look on your face you already know the answer, don’t you! With a furrowed brow, I shook my head. “These contain the experiences of two separate beings. One an irregularity and the other more normalic. I am most confident that you have ascertained the discrepancy between the two. One is yours and the other one of a deceased male of the same age who, let’s say, didn’t make the best life choices.” A wry smile crept on his face, “Which is yours?”

There was one clear distinction between the two folders. One was substantially girthier than the other. Given that I have spent a long time in both my studies and work, it would be safe to assume that the bigger of the two is mine. As I began to open my mouth, I couldn’t help but notice the smug look on his face. I know he said I lived an insignificant life, but there couldn’t be that big a difference. The more I stood there, looking at his face, the more uncertain I became. Is he trying to trick me? Is this a mind game? Hesitantly, I pointed to the thicker of the two folders.

The look on Gods face was clearly contradictory to my choice. With an index finger firmly on top of the smaller of the two folders, he opened his mouth, “This is yours.” For some reason he felt the need to open it, holding it in front of him for me to see. “There is only a few scraps of paper here,” he sounded exhausted as he said this. Putting the folder down, he ran his finger through the first page stopping at a section, “First Job.” Flipping through a meagre amount of pages, his finger quickly fell down onto another spot, “Stole pen from the employer.” He hunched back in his chair, looking dejected by the situation in front of him. “To be frank, you are useless. Completely and utterly. In fact, I am inclined to send you to the abyssal void”

At suddenly dropping such a massive bombshell, I accidentally caught my breath. Coughing and splatting I managed to wheeze, “What?!?” I was dumbfounded at the sudden turn of events. “Wait, you can’t do that!”

“I can, but it would pain me to do so. I invested too much to simply discard you.” I wipe the beads of sweat on my forehead and waited for his next words expectantly. “That is why I will give you to my ex-apprentices. After viewing your life they seemed eager enough to take you from my hands.”

I looked at him inquisitively, “When did they do that?”

“How do I put it in the term you would understand?” He rubbed his majestic beard while deep in thought, “Ahh, yes. When you say your life flashes before your eyes that is when we judge and decide how to use your soul.”

I took in a couple of deep breaths to try to calm myself down, “What is going to happen to me?”

He looked me in the eye, slightly disgruntled at the constant stream of questions “Do not worry so, the reincarnation process will be the same as here. Only that it will be in a world tended to by my ex-apprentices.” I took a sigh of relief. I really dodged a bullet there. Actually, this might be a fortuitous situation for me! I never thought this would happen. I’m so ecstatic. I couldn’t even keep joyous squeaks from escaping my lips. This reminded me of a manga I once read. One where the protagonist dies and is reborn into a world one could only call fantasy. If I was still alive, I might have died of a heart attack from all this excitement.

My eyes shone with new life, “You’re going to send me to a new world aren’t you, one full of dragons and dwarves. Right?”

“Yes, you are correct,” he replied with a perplexed expression. I’m sure it stemmed from either the fact I knew more than I should or just the sheer ebullience that radiated from my body. Or maybe it was a combination of both, but who cares when one of your greatest dreams is about to come true. After a moments break God spoke, “To ensure that your soul is properly integrated into the new vessel, you will have your memories wiped.”

With that, my smile got slapped off my face as it became as expressionless as stone, “Bummer.”

“However, there are a few details that I need to go over with you. Before you start your new life, we will need to go through some minor details.” An uncanny smile set on his face, “Hopefully you will do more in this life than the last. But for now…” He said as he pointed at something behind me.

Following the direction of his hand, my eyes settled upon a massive complex of books. It was a bewildering sight. Row upon row of books was lined up in front of me. No shelves, just books. No matter which way I looked, whether it be up, down, left or right, I couldn’t see where they ended. It dwarfed that of any library on earth I knew of. What left me even more awestruck was how I didn’t notice them all until now. I swivelled my head to God, overwhelmed by the sudden plethora of knowledge before me. “What am I meant to do with all this!?!” I said in a strained voice as I waved my free hand in the general direction of all the books.

“Oh, do not worry. These are but a fraction of my collection,” he chuckled to himself, amused at how flabbergasted I was.

“A fraction! I don’t have to read all that do I?”

“It is not something I expect of you. It would take you immeasurable lifetimes to read all that I possess, let alone you being able to comprehend it. I shall get what you need,” He said with a gracious smile.

I let out a sigh and hesitantly replied, “That’s good and all, but you didn’t really answer my question.”

“Stop your insolence, you need but wait.” I nodded my head. He seemed to know what he was doing. Still though, looking back on the sheer size of the library behind didn’t imbue me with much confidence. It was faster to just let things proceed and see what happens from there. Realistically thinking, I could let God set things up for me. However, being able to pick my race would be nice. Location is another idea to consider. It would really suck if I happen to pick a country that’s just about to be embroiled in civil war or gobbled up by a greater power.

With a nod of his head and a click of his fingers, books began flying from the grand amassment at frighting speeds. Once specs in the far of distance quickly grew in size. Congealing together, the swarm of knowledge combined to make a megalithic sized tsunami that hurtled towards me. Some books ejected from the mass and fluttered with new life. All I could do was stand there overawed, the magnificence of the sight before me captivating. As the main bulk approached it split, creating a perfectly circular island that contained both me and God. The various sized books stacked themselves on top of each other. As they did, details emerged: doors, columns, walls and so on. It only took a couple of minutes for the sporadic movements to still. Looking around, I gawped like a child at a candy store.

The room reminded me of ancient Greek architecture. God was centred in the middle of the circular plateau where a chandelier connected to the domed roof hung above him. At the perimeter of the plateau are columns spaced at even intervals. In between each column are stairs that lead to an elevated corridor that surrounded the room. The domed roof stops at the columns, instead of transitioning to a levelled celling for the corridor. In the walls are alcoves, each containing a circular pedestal with a solid stand in front of it. There was three of these in total. After taking it all in for a while, I looked at God gobsmacked. He returned my look with one of indifference, “Shall we begin?” I nodded dumbly.

“All you need can be found at each pedestal.”- he pointed behind me -“Once done, ring the bell and I shall open the gateway to your new vessel.” Tracing his finger led my eyes to a towering door the colour of an empty night sky.

I swivelled my head back to him, “What bell…” He vanished. Where once his luxurious desk stood was now a rather opulent looking side table with an equally opulent bell on top of it. That wasn’t the only thing that caught my eye though. The room itself was a sight to behold. Everything was an amalgamation of books. Even the fires that burnt brightly, radiating heat from within the alcoves, were made of paper. Looking at the floor I could make out a couple of sentences here and there. Most of it was incoherent though. As would be expected from a building made of books, the place smelled akin to a library. All that stuff doesn’t really matter. What does is the pedestals.

The first thing I noticed was the hand groove which, presumably, was used to activate it. Double-checking, I looked around the pedestal. Which turned out to be a massive waste of time. The only lead I had is the grooves. Oh, it can’t hurt to give it a try, I thought placing my free hand on the fibrous surface. The moment I did, a semi-transparent UI appeared.

[NAME] – N/A || [RACE] – Human || [CLASS] – None || [LEVEL] – 1

[STATS] – Health: 10/10 || Stamina: 10/10 || Mana: N/A

[BODY]

[MIND]

[BEING]

Strength:

Endurance:

Vitality:

5

5

5

Willpower:

Intelligence:

Wisdom:

2

2

2

Dexterity:

Agility:

Perception:

2

2

2

[BLESSING]

Blessing of Goddess Medias

Is he sending me into a game? That was the only thing I could think of when looking at this. Health check. Stamina check. Mana check. Aren’t these all the things you would expect a character from a game to have? A GAME! Does that mean… things just keep getting better and better. I should have died years ago, I think as I thrust my hand into the air. Spinning my head around to the other pedestals an ear to ear grin blooms on my face. Little did a know that wouldn’t last for long.

Starting from the right of the door and going to its left each pedestal allows to edit the following: race, affinities and talents. It kind of sucks that I can’t pick a starting location. In fact, a can’t really do much of anything. While there may appear to be a lot of choices, every time I select something I get rejected. Big flashing text boxes appear saying, ‘Insufficient Points’.

The only thing I can pick is a hand full of weak races. kobolds, goblins and hatchlings, those sorts of things. This sucks. This really sucks! Dragonnewts, Elves, Halflings and even Dwarves are all out of my grasp. All I could do was sigh in exasperation at this injustice. The hard truths of reality were already shattering my dreams. I couldn’t even take any good abilities without first selecting the shit ones. It wouldn’t be so bad if this system wasn’t so skewed. I mean just look.

[NAME] – N/A || [RACE] – Goblin || [CLASS] – None || [LEVEL] – 1

[STATS] – Health: 2/2 || Stamina: 3/3 || Mana: N/A

[BODY]

[MIND]

[BEING]

Strength:

Endurance:

Vitality:

1

1

1

Willpower:

Intelligence:

Wisdom:

1

1

1

Dexterity:

Agility:

Perception:

1

2

3

[TRAITS]

Cowardly

[PASSIVES]

· Crossbreeding

Night Vision

Major Fire Vulnerability {NEW}

Minor Frost Resistance {NEW}

I have to take major vulnerability just for a minor resistance, which is the lowest tier resistance mind you. In short, it’s not worth it. What is the point of getting me to make a new character when I can’t do anything! I deselect the passives and go back to select the human race again. It’s better than nothing, I thought but…

[INSUFFICIENGT POINTS]

[REVERTING TO LAST CHOICE]

I stare blankly at the screen, “What?” I select the human race again, the same message appears. I select it again, the same thing. “What do you insufficient points, I was just had it!” I couldn’t help but start hitting the pedestal with my free fist in a fit of rage. But venting my frustration on an inanimate object wasn’t enough. My headshot towards the bell and looked at with bloodshot eyes. I marched over after calming placing my beloved next to the doorway. I gave her a hug telling her everything will be alright before violently shaking that godforsaken bell. A smooth chime echoed through the room.

God appeared suddenly in the middle of the room, still sitting behind that same magnificent desk. I just stared daggers, not putting on any face. He looks at me with a smug grin, “Everything seems to have gone well, now

Before he could utter another word, I interrupted him irked by his cocky demeanour, “No it’s not, what is the meaning of this. Not only can’t I select anything half-decent without making my character trash, but now I can’t even reselect the human race. Your system is broken.”

“Is that so,” he says with a smirk. “I believe all the issues lie on your shoulders, not mine.”

“And how’s that?”

“Think back to those folders I showed you. Remember the word I used to describe their contents,” I to stare at him inquisitively for a bit before it clicked. Oh shit. I rubbed my forehead. “As for the second issue, do you remember what happened when you deselected the human race.”

“That it would refund all redeemable points,” I uttered in a defeated tone.

“Correct, so shall we continue?” I nodded my head. At that moment the door behind me began to rumble open outwardly. Slowly it revealed a tunnel of spiralling light. I felt faint gravitation towards it as if it were trying to pull me in. I might have once stared in awe, but now was not that time. My future lay in tatters in front of me. But to add salt to wounds, a sudden realisation hit me. What was the last race I selected?

“Good, I shall send you to your new vessel. If there is nothing else you need, I best go back to my administrative duties.”

“Yes, Yes! I need to change my-” but before I could finish a sudden force pushed me through the open doorway and into the spiralling light. Drifting into the unknown, darkness enveloped me until I blacked out.

The being sat there in the paper structure, looking around in a confused manner. “Now where did that pillow get to?”