Atdreunda

Memory:

Am I really that different? Is there something wrong with me? Why do mommy and my step dad ever talk to me

All these thoughts keep running through my head day and night, I always wonder what's wrong with me? What makes me different? Why can't I just be normal just like my younger siblings? The truth is that I don't know...I don't know if it's them or me. I may only be nine, but my feelings get hurt too.

"Atdreunda! Breakfast!"

I jump at the sound of my mom's voice, looking down at my journal and put my journal under my sky blue pillow. I love my room. I may have to share it with my baby sister, but at least I can spend time with my mommy while I'm in here.

"Atdreunda! I said it's time for breakfast!" mom shouts.

I get up and walk towards the door, then I remember my teddy bear (His name is Teddy), I turn and run back to my bed and grab teddy. Then run out the door towards the kitchen.

The first thing I hear before I get to the kitchen are my sisters Annabelle, and Harley crying. I enter the room and sit down at the table holding teddy close to my tummy. Mommy is feeding my younger brother Jake, with one hand and cradling baby Harley in the other.

"Mommy, why won't Harley and Annabelle stop crying?"

Mommy continues to feed Jake.

"They are hungry sweetie, they need to eat breakfast just like you do. Speaking of which, you remember how to make cereal right? Go grab yourself a bowl of cereal."

"Ok mommy."

I get off my chair and put teddy down so he can sit. I push my chair towards the large counter, move teddy on the floor, and climb on the chair. There's bowls, and food on the counter, I grab the bowl closest to me and see little pieces of dirt at the bottom of the bowl. I grab the cereal and open the box.

"Atdreunda don't use that bowl it's dirty."

Mommy takes the bowl out of my hands, she's no longer holding Harley, and moves my chair beside the sink.

"Next time you see a bowl that looks like this, wash it.

Mommy is so great, she teaches me how to be like an adult! Mommy is also so pretty, she has pretty brown hair, and pretty clothes, I wanna be just like mommy when I grow up. She turns on the water and shows me how to wash the bowl.

"Angela! This house is a mess! When are you going to clean it?"

Dad comes into the room. He walks towards mommy and puts his hand on the counter. Mommy looks at Dad.

"Jeffery, I told you I'll do it soon, I still have to get the babies settled, and take Atdreunda to school."

The way my dad looks at me is kind of scary...he always looks like he's mad at me.

"Instead of going to school, you should make her clean the house. It's not like she's going to become anything anyways."

What is dad talking about? Whatever he's saying seems to make mommy sad. Dad walks around the kitchen towards the fridge and opens it.

"Jeffery! Why would you say such a thing? She's our daughter!"

Dad grabs a glass bottle out from the fridge and closes the door. He always drinks those things, I asked mommy what they were and mommy told me that they're adult drinks.

"She's your daughter, not mine. These three babies are ours, but Atdreunda is yours and yours alone, she's not my problem."

Dad walks up to me and bends down so he can look me in the eyes.

"Remember this, and remember this well Atdreunda...I am not your father, and I never will be. Do you understand?"

Not my father...does he mean he's not my dad? What does he mean? If he's not my dad then who is? He's hurting my feelings...why is dad saying this? Why is he being so mean to me? What did I do wrong? I start crying and hold onto mommy's arm.

"Jeffery! Why would you say that to her? What is wrong with you?"

Dad stands up and looks at mom.

"I'm only telling the truth, Atdreunda there will be no crying in the house! Crying is for the weak and you should remember that."

Dad comes and takes the cereal I was going to eat away.

"Just for that, you're not getting breakfast this morning."

Dad puts the cereal in the cupboard that's too high for me to reach.

Present:

Why can't I live a life where I can be happy? Ever since I was a kid, I've always been neglected by my mom because she was so busy with my younger siblings. My step dad never cared about me and always went out of his way to put me down, and remind me that he wasn't my real father. What's worse, when I was twelve we all moved into the west end and my mom started having seizures. Since she had to go to the hospital all the time, it was my job to take my mom's place and take care of my siblings.

My mom always tried her best to show me that she cared...but whenever dad punished me for not doing mom's job right mom never stood up for me. I both hate her, but love her at the same time. She used to stand up for me, then as the years went by I watched as my dad slowly broke my mom down, and made her the obedient housewife.

My siblings have it easy, they don't have to worry about doing chores, or have to see the negative side of our dad...at least he acts like this to just me and not them. I don't want them going through the pain I had to endure at their age.

"Atdreunda, the house isn't gonna clean itself!"

I stop writing in my journal, close it, and but it underneath my small memory foam mattress. My room ended up changing after we moved to the west end. Instead of sharing a room with my siblings I sleep on a small memory foam mattress in the hallway. It's only an inch off the floor, so i joke to myself and say I basically sleep on the floor.

"I'm coming!"

I wonder what life's got in store for me today now that i'm fourteen? You never know...maybe my family will actually remember my birthday this time.