Chapter 1
"Natalie, are you sleeping again? Get
up, lazybones!"
up, lazybones!"
What the hell is Selah doing outside my
bedroom? How embarrassing...
"No, Selah... I'm awake," I say.
Hi, I'm Natalie... The world's most
boring fifteen-year-old. While other
fifteen-year-olds know who they arre.
I'm over here, playing it safe. Well,
most of the time.
I'm the most boring in my social group.
I can't play sports very well. I was
blessed with my mother's two left feet.
When I get nervous or scared, I chew
gum. I've been chewing gum a lot
lately. My dentist hates me for it.
"Stop chewing gum, Natalie. You're
going to ruin your jaw," I can hear
my dentist say.
going to ruin your jaw," I can hear
my dentist say.
To that, I say, whatever. I've been
clenching my jaw a lot, thank you very
much. My friends all know that when I
pull out a piece of gum, it's time to ask
me what my problem is.
I have a boyfriend named Chad
Jefferson. We've been best friends
since as far back as I can remember.
My older sister, Samantha, thinks he's
bad news. Maybe he is... maybe he isn't.
Or maybe I'm the Bad news.
I have a nasty habit of shoplifting. I
can't help it. I did it once and didn't get
caught. It only got easier to lift candy,
shoes, and jewelry. No one relates to
me except Selah.
Selah Moore, my best friend, with
her perfect grades, flawless black
hair, and olive skin. She was bornin
Venice, Italy. Her mom's Italian, and
her dad's American. It must be nice
to look like that.
her perfect grades, flawless black
hair, and olive skin. She was bornin
Venice, Italy. Her mom's Italian, and
her dad's American. It must be nice
to look like that.
Everyone adores her. She doesn't
notice. Perhaps none of us can see
ourselves. Maybe I'm not as flawed
as I think I am. Maybe I'm okay. Is
there more to life than being okay?
Not sure.
"Nat, get your lazy self out of bed,
now," Selah barks.
"Selah, I'm perfectly happy sulking.."
The truth is, I'm quite sure Chad
dumped me in a text message. Not sure
I can tell her that.
"NO, you are not. You are no fun ike
this. It's going to be summer soon.
Do you know if you can come to Italy
with me? My parents need to know
soon," Selah says.
this. It's going to be summer soon.
Do you know if you can come to Italy
with me? My parents need to know
soon," Selah says.
"Ummm, I believe yes. I have my
passport. I see no reason why I can't
go. I'm excited to go to Venice and sit in
one of those fancy boats and make out
with a European hottie," I say.
"What about Chad?"
I decide to hand her the phone.
CHAD: Nat, we need to talk... soon.
"He's going to dump me. And I don't
blame him. I'm boring..." I trail off.
"Would you stop? No, you are not,"
Selah declares.
"Selah, I'm on a bowling team. Oh yeah,
loads of fun," I talk back.
loads of fun," I talk back.
"Screw you, Nat. You also snowboard,
play piano, paint, sing, and horseback
ride," Selah reminds me.
"We both know I'm not athletic. I
would hardly call my snowboarding
skills legendary. And I horseback ride
at my aunt's because I give lessons. It's
a part-time job," I say.
"Whatever, Nat. You're talented, and
you don't even see it. And don't be so
modest about snowboarding. You got
5th place last season."
"Selah, I didn't win," I hiss.
"You were a freshman. The others
were upperclassmen. Good grief.
If you're boring, then I'm a slice of
toast. Now stop sulking, and let's go
shopping," she says, pulling me off my
ugly pink mattress.
I've had this bed cover since the
6th grade. It's a reminder that I will
never be cool enough to grow up. I
look at myself in the mirror and stick
my tongue out.
"What are you twelve?" Selah asks.
"I don't like what I see. I'm fat," I say.
Selah and I play this game, where she
will tell me why I am not fat. And I
won't believe her
I look in the mirror and see a balloon
a pear-shaped version of my sister. My
sister, Sammy, could be a model. She's
my half-sister. Her dad is Korean, and
she looks more like him than our mom.
Her dad and our mom were married
for a decade before he decided he
liked his second family better. They got
divorced. And shortly afterward, mom
met my dad, Jacob Gonzalez. My dad is
Chilean. I look more like my mom.
My mom, Maryanne, or Mary for short,
is a white woman. She always hadla
thing for dating other ethnic groups.
I think it has something to do with
her upbringing.
She's a military kid. She lived
everywhere and grew up with no
white friends. I don't have the same
last name as my dad. I have my mom's
last name, Ashman. That's my story,
the story of Natalie Ashman. The most
boring fifteen-year-old this world
has ever birthed.
the story of Natalie Ashman. The most
boring fifteen-year-old this world
has ever birthed.
"Natalie, oh my gosh, you're not fat.
Stop saying that," she says, flipping
me off and rolling her eyes into the
back of her head.
I don't argue. We don't agree, and II
shut my trap. I'm over it, all. She will1
never see me the way I do. I know she
listens to me, which is more than my
wayward family.
My dad is my favorite parent. He
comes to all my events, singing.
bowling, snowboarding, whatever. My
mom always goes to Sammy's events.
They always divide and conquer. And
since Jacob isn't Sammy's biological1
father, choosing nme and my events
made the most sense. Everybody wins.
Ive always had one parent at every
event, and it's been nice.
Ive always had one parent at every
event, and it's been nice.
Sammy and my dad are close. She
even calls him dad. She hasn't seen
her biological dad since she was 3, and
she is 18 now. She doesn't even want
to look for him. And she doesn't want
to meet the other family he created
behind her and mom's back.
My dad took Sammy and me to all the
father-daughter dances. He danced
with both of us. Sammy always loved
that about him. That he considered
her his own. We aren't perfect, but
we're family.
"Natalie, let's go for the last time. The
mall is waiting," Selah says.
"Selah, can't we shop online today?
I'm not feeling It
"No, we are going to actual stores. We
are trying on real clothes, and you are
going to like it," Selah says.
are trying on real clothes, and you are
going to like it," Selah says.
I get in her dad's car. She has her
license, and I don't. I'm almost 16, but I
don't even care about driving. The idea
of someone's life in my hands freaks
me out. I'm waiting until I'm 30. We
have arrived at our useless dead mall.
She drags me to every store-sixteen
clothing items to make me look like a
pumpkin, oh goodie. I must pretend
that I'm having fun for Selah. Selah
needs a friend right now.
Selah takes selfie after selfie. I'm
in every picture. Her Instagram
account has millions of photos of our
shopping spree. I pull out a piece of
gum and bite hard.
"Nat, don't chew gum now. How can
this stress you out?" Selah asks.
"I don't feel pretty in anything."
I bark. When did I become this
unlikeable girl?
this stress you out?" Selah asks.
"I don't feel pretty in anything."
I bark. When did I become this
unlikeable girl?
Oh, my goodness, Nat. You are
gorgeous. Just try something on.
And look at all the comments on
our photos. See, you're killing it,"
Selah brags.
I look at her phone and see comments
ranging from "hot" to "model girl."I
don't believe any of them. They don't
see what I see. And I know I see me,
more than they do.
I look over at the sunglass display. The
colors invite me in, tempting me with
their various shades. The five-finger
discount tempts me. I pull off the price
tag and slip my favorite cheetah style
shades into my purse.
shades into my purse.
I've shoplifted from this store too many
times, and no one ever notices. I grab
a pink pair of shades for Selah when
she isn't looking. She doesn't know I
shoplift. Chad taught me how, and here
I am, still doing it on my own time.
Shoplifting is bad, and I know that.
But I don't want to pay for things.
I'm not rich, but why can't I have
nice things too?
"Are you going to pay for that?" The
cashier asks me.
"Pay for what?" I ask.
"The sunglasses? I know you slipped
them into your purse," the cashier says,
raising an eyebrow
I hand them to her, both pairs.
"Shoplifting is a crime, you know," the
cashier says, breaking the silence that
has paSsed between us.
"What's shoplifting?" I ask,
playing dense.
"Kids these days..so uneducated.
Shoplifting is stealing, theft, robbery.
I'm sure you have heard of those.
Taking what isn't yours. So, unless
you are buying these, then they aren't
yours. If I ever catch you stealing
again, I will have to report you," thhe
cashier warns.
I hand her a twenty and tell her to
keep the change. I wish I felt guilty or
uncomfortable, but I don't. I want to
punch this chick for telling me off.
"Thanks for being honest, kid. Have a
good day," the cashier says.
good day," the cashier says.
"What was that about?" Selah asks,
chasing after me.
"Nothing, just telling me not to
shoplift," I say.
Shit, I didn't want Selah to know.
"Shoplift? You did what now,"
Selah barks.
"It's not a big deal."
"Yes, it is. You can go to jail. I'm quite
sure," Selah yells.
"Actually, it is a big deal. Miss, I need
you to come with me," a cop says,
interrupting our conversation.
"Why?" I ask.
"Dont pay smart wiüh me, young lady.
I just want to talk," the cop says.
I just want to talk," the cop says.
I follow him and sit down in the
food court.
"Miss, how old are you?" The cop asks.
"I'm fifteen," I say.
"And what is your name?" He asks,
taking notes.
"Natalie Ashman," I say.
"Natalie Ashman, tell you what I am
going to do. I am going to let you
off with a warning. If I hear about
your shoplifting ever again, you will1
be banished from the mall. Are we
clear? And if you ever find yourself in
trouble, feel free to contact me. I am
officer Drake Barnes," he finishes.
"Thanks, officer," I say, not knowing
what else to say.
what else to say.
He hands me his business card. Maybe
I really should hold onto this in case I
ever get into trouble.
"officer, are you going to tell my
parents?"I ask.
"Not today, Miss Ashman. Not today.
You have been warned," Officer Barnes
says as he walkS away.
Selah walks up to me.
"That was so cool and badass. You just
got off the hook from a cop. That's one
for the history books," Selah says.
"Please don't put this on Instagram.I
don't need my family knowing."
"Oh, right. I won't hit the post buttor then says
Why does her whole life have to be
online?I love social media, but Selah
takes it to a new level. She is trying
to be a famous model. She hopes her
Instagram will be a portfolio for her
future modeling career.
online?I love social media, but Selah
takes it to a new level. She is trying
to be a famous model. She hopes her
Instagram will be a portfolio for her
future modeling career.
I'm glad I got off the hook with a
warning. I can't afford to get into
trouble. But damn, am I stressed
out. I take out a new piece of
gum and chew the hell out of it.
Chomp..chomp.chomp. I feel stress. I
spit out the gum.
"Selah, have any e-cigs? Im
stressed," I say
We head to her car. She hands me an
e-cigarette. I light it and feel it hit my
lungs. I only smoke once in a blue
moon. It calms my nerves even more
than chewing gum. And today, I almost
got caught shoplifting. Well, Mr. Vape, I
deserve you right now.
e-cigarette. I light it and feel it hit my
lungs. I only smoke once in a blue
moon. It calms my nerves even more
than chewing gum. And today, I almost
got caught shoplifting. Well, Mr. Vape, I
deserve you right now.
