Recall
My short term is absolutely shot.
I'm making lunch for Haseena and the moms and she said,
I asked what they'd like
"Your egg salad would be amazing!"
I thought for a moment and replied;
"I make egg salad?"
I do. I make egg salad. Curried avocado egg salad with dill. Yes... and I brought some over to her house not long ago. Before Christmas maybe not. Maybe before thanksgiving. Maybe near my birthday. After Nolan died.
I had the worst public panic attack today. It was a horror. I could not stop, and there was nowhere to go and I didn't want anyone to look at me.
So I stood, like a statue, near the Levi's at kohls where I told Dennis I was.
And I stood until I could feel eyes on me. I felt eyes and looked around and saw that. So, I took a deep, surely audible breath and just turned and walked a few feet in a different direction and said to one of the staring people, "stop fucking looking at me." And she did, nervously pretend that she was reading a sign Behind me.
I stood like that again. I wasn't trying to act weird, get attention, or anything like that.
But it stops you, straight in your path and doesn't wait for you to make a purchase, finish sex, eat your dinner... nothing
