Losing faith
Everyday I wake up and breath just like everyone else but there’s something wrong about how I do it. When I breath it’s not for me, it’s for everyone else. I breathe because I have to. If it was my choice I wouldn’t be breathing at all. There are times where I get selfish and get tired of doing it for everyone else and try to stop my breathing by simply taking more pills than I should or cutting deeper than I usually would. Something I like to do to feel better is smoke, drink, do drugs which it does help in the moment but once the high is gone I realize I’ll forever be like this because there is no permanent escape. I can’t keep running forever. Living for me is a constant lie because I can keep telling myself and others that I am okay but deep down I know I’m barely holding on, and I have gotten really good at acting okay. Everyday a new thing gets added to that list of things that are holding me down. I will forever be Ill because I am truly alone in this world no matter how many times people say “I’m here for you”. There is no fix for me I’ve tried everything pills, drugs, cutting, smoking. I have lost faith in myself like a child loses faith in a broken toy that cannot be fixed. I am throwing myself away piece by piece and one day there will be nothing of me left.
