Chapter 1
We weren’t supposed to fall in love with each other. We weren’t supposed to get that attached to each other. We weren’t supposed to be each other’s reason for living. And it definitely was not supposed to end that way.
Those two months were the best and worst times of my life to say the least. People may think that I was too young to feel that strongly for a person, but Tobias Jaxon wasn’t just a normal person. He had this energy to him that made me feel the way that no one else had.
The day that Conner introduced me to Tobias, neither of us knew what this would turn into.
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It was a chilly October day. I checked the time on my phone. It read 4:23. School had just let out and I was sitting at the park downtown waiting for my best friend Kaitlyn to finish football practice. She was the manager for the team since her father was the coach. We are going to get food before we go to the volleyball game where we have to sing the national anthem for choir. It doesn’t start until 7, so I figured that we would have enough time to go to the Sunrise Diner for some curly fries and milkshakes. Those are our favorites.
I looked up from my phone and glanced around. Even though it was very early in the month, there was a stand selling pumpkins at the edge of the park. A sign near the stand read $3 for the small pumpkins. I smiled at the thought of getting a small pumpkin just to paint a face on it.
A little boy who couldn’t be more than three was hobbling around the stand picking up the small items and trying to place them in a row. The woman that I assumed to be the mother was sitting at a picnic table not far from the one I was sitting at watching him with a worried look on her face. I have always been good at reading people and trying to figure out what they were thinking, but the way she was looking at him, I couldn’t place what she was thinking at the moment.
I sat my bookbag down on the table and walked over to the little boy, smiling at him as I did so. I may only be sixteen, but I love little children. I love the way that they always see the best. I miss having that much hope.
“Do you want one?” I asked him, motioning to the small pumpkins that he had arranged in a line on the ground.
He nodded and grunted. I picked up the smallest one I could find, giggling as it reminded me of how metaphorically he was the smallest pumpkin around all of us larger ones. I took the object up to the salesman and handed the money to him as I turned back to the child.
The little boy placed his hand in mine as we walked back over to his mother. She looked at me with tear filled eyes and her mouth parted slightly.
“You really didn’t have to get him one,” she said with a sad smile.
“It was really no problem,” I tried to smile at her to emphasize the fact that I just wanted to help. “He reminds me of my little brother. How old is he?”
“Only two.” She looked over at him and laughed. “He seems to like you,” she nodded to where he was picking up his toys and bringing them to me to play with. I gave the little boy a small smile and happily sat down on the cement ground to play with his blocks with him.
Suddenly my phone lit up with a Snapchat notification from my friend Conner. Conner lived in another town not far from mine. I knew that he had feelings for me, but he wasn’t the type of guy that I usually went for. I liked a softer type of guy, and Conner and his friends were always getting into trouble and smoking weed.
I opened the snap and it was a picture of Conner with some people that I didn’t know. A taller boy with dark hair and brown eyes caught my eye. He looked as if he had a hard life. His face was worn and his presence looked dangerous. But overall he was very attractive. He wasn’t the type of guy that would usually go for me though. I am a bigger girl and guys don’t usually go for that. He wasn’t smiling, and he had this tough look to him. It intrigued me.
I sent a text to Conner that simply read: The boy in the back, he is cute.
Conner immediately replied with: He thinks ur cute too.
Conner had never really been good with his spelling and grammar skills, and it partially bothered me. I liked everything to be neat and in order, and something about this boy just screamed chaos to me, but yet I liked the idea of a small amount of chaos, as long as it could be controlled if needed.
I stared at the text probably a little too long, because Conner sent a “?” because I hadn’t replied but the little symbol told him that I had read the message.
I replied with something I thought of as a joke: Hook me up lol.
I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, I didn’t really do that. I feel that love wasn’t really real, and everyone leaves. So I tried to just stay away from them as best as I can. I figured this boy would just be someone to fool around with from time to time, nothing serious. I hate serious things, it always leads to heartbreak.
Conner sent me the boy’s Snapchat username and I added him. While I waited for him to add me back, I turned back to the little boy. He was trying to stack all of the blocks on top of one another. I glanced up at the mother and she was talking to a woman that looked as if she was a social worker. I could tell the mother was crying but it wasn’t my place to interrupt and ask why.
My phone lit up with a notification from a snapchat that I assumed was the boy Conner was with. The name read Gangsta Bean. I thought to myself that it was a little odd to have your name as that, why wouldn’t you just put it as your real name? I unlocked my phone and opened up the message. It simply read: Hey.
Me: Hey
G: wassup
Me: Nothing really. Waiting on my best friend to get done with practice so we can get food. Wait, what’s your name, anyways?
G: Tobias
Me: Oh my haha
Tobias: What?
Me: That name, I’ve never heard it before.
Tobias: Well my middle name is Alexander if that helps.
Me: It doesn’t haha that makes it nerdy.
Tobias: I’m far from nerdy, trust me.
He used correct grammar and spelling, he must be smart, I thought. He didn’t seem like the type of guy to hang around Conner. Conner was classified as a “hood,” and I was not. I didn’t do the things that they did, I was considered good. I got good grades, I was in choir and band, I was in student council, I read lots of books.
Me: I’ll be the judge of that.
The mother was picking up her child. She glanced at me once more.
“Thank you again for getting him the pumpkin. Money’s tight lately.”
“It was honestly no problem. I’m always here to help.” I smiled at her as she took the small child and silently left the park.
I looked back at my phone to continue texting this Tobias boy that screamed that he was bad news, but I kept texting him anyways.
Tobias: So whatcha doing if I pull up?
I looked at my phone, alarmed. We just met. There’s no way that he wants to hang out this soon. He doesn’t even know what I fully look like, he only knows what Conner showed him. I typed back fast.
Me: Uhm we don’t really know each other yet. You could be a serial killer, I don’t know.
Tobias: Well, for what it’s worth, I’m not. I just want to see you.
Wow. He moves fast.
Me: Well I’m going to be hanging out with Kaitlyn. She doesn’t like the third wheel.
Tobias: Conner could come.
Me: I’m a whole hour away, I doubt Conner would drive all this way, he won’t even drive 30 minutes to see me on a regular day.
Tobias: I could convince him.
Me: What’s the rush in seeing me?
Tobias: Because I’m tryna see you, if you know you know.
Me: I’m letting you know right here, right now, I don’t do relationships. They never end well.
Tobias: Good because I’m not looking to date anyone.
Me: If you can get a ride here then sure, we can hangout. But I have to be back at the school by 7 to sing.
Tobias: You sing?
Me: I do, but I’m not good lol
Tobias: To quote you from earlier, I’ll be the judge of that.
I laughed a little. He pays attention, I thought to myself. I like that. Wait, no. Renna, stop. No feelings. You know how that played out for you last time.
Tobias: So, Renna. I like the name by the way.
Me: Thanks, I got it from my mom.
Tobias: I like your sarcasm.
Me: I hope so.
Tobias: What’s that supposed to mean?
Me: Oh, nothing. Just if you didn’t like it you would have unadded me by now.
Tobias: Nah, I’m not the type to leave like that.
Me: Leavers are quitters.
Tobias: I never quit.
Damn, this man is really pulling at my heartstrings. A message popped up from Kaitlyn saying she was done with practice and was on the way to the park to pick me up. The park is only a couple blocks from the school, but I didn’t have a car and didn’t really fancy the idea of walking all the way back up there.
Me: Everyone quits everything eventually.
Tobias: If I enjoy something I don’t quit. Quitters never win and I’m here to play the long game.
Me: I like your style. Hey, I only saw that one picture of you. Can you send me some more?
Tobias: I don’t really have pictures of myself. Let me look to see if I have any that are acceptable to send to you.
Me: Okay haha
I went back to the message from Kaitlyn. It was sent two minutes ago. That means that she should be pulling up at any second. I looked towards where the school is and saw her car coming down the street. I picked up my bookbag and walked over to where she would pick me up.
She pulled up to the curb. I got into the car quickly, wanting to tell her about Tobias. Her mouth was opened in a surprised manner and I quickly forgot about him and asked her “What’s going on??”
“I met a boy!” She exclaimed.
“Wait, for real? Me too!” I giggled. “But he and I aren’t going to date. We just gonna do the nasty. Where’s your boy from? What does he look like? What’s his name?” I knew I was bombarding her with questions, but I didn’t care. I wanted to know everything.
“His name is Cole, he’s 16, and he’s from Rockford, and this is what he looks like.” She shoved her phone in my face to show me a boy with blonde hair. He wasn’t really attractive to me, but based on Kaitlyn’s past, he was definitely her type.
“Oh my gosh! That’s where Tobias is from.”
“Who’s Tobias?” She asked with a puzzled look on her face.
“The guy I met. Keep up, slow ass.” I giggled. This was how Kaitlyn and I showed our love, we insult each other.
“What does Tobias look like?”
“Oh crap, he was about to send me more pictures of him before I got distracted with you picking me up. I better check. He is really cute, though.”
I unlocked my phone and immediately opened his snap. There was only one picture. It was simply a picture of him with his head slightly raised, mouth parted slightly. Gosh he is really cute. I replied with a simple “Damn.” I put my phone to the side and turned back to Kaitlyn.
“He is kinda cute,” she admitted. I smiled at this comment. Kaitlyn never admitted I was right.
I sighed, and turned up the song on the radio. I wasn’t much for conversation. We sang whatever song was blasting on the radio in complete comfort. I checked my phone occasionally to see if Tobias had replied, with no such luck.
While waiting for a reply from him, I got a text from my friend Charlotte, who went by Charlie, asking what Kaitlyn and I were doing, and asking if we wanted to hangout at the abandoned theater before the game. I showed the text to Kaitlyn, who just shrugged and turned the car in the direction of the theater. I replied, “Okay, ETA 2 minutes,” to which she replied quickly with a thumbs up.
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Soon, we were pulling up to the theater where Charlie was standing outside. She was only a sophomore, so she didn’t drive yet. Whereas Kaitlyn was a senior and I was a junior. I assumed it was her grandmother who had dropped her off, and she wasn’t much for waiting around.
“Damn girls, took you long enough.” Charlie exclaimed with a humorous smile. She is always so sarcastic. I don’t understand why she has to make everything a joke, but it always seems to brighten my mood anyways.
“Girl calm down. Kaitlyn had to finish practice.” We all giggled at this comment. “So Charlie, guess what?” I looked at her with wide eyes.
“What trouble did you get into now?” She asked, rolling her eyes.
“None, surprisingly.” I usually was in trouble for one thing or another, but I could honestly say that at the moment I was grounding free.
She sighed. “What do you need to tell me then, Renna?” She sounded mean but she always spoke with a sweet smile on her face.
“Kaitlyn and I both met boys. But neither of us want to date, so my guy and I are just gonna hook up.”
“Oooh. Renna I’m happy for you. You haven’t been able to even think of anyone since Brian.” Charlie met Kaitlyn’s eyes, asking if it was okay to talk about him. Kaitlyn nodded.
Brian was my ex-boyfriend. He and I had dated over the summer. I went down to South Carolina every summer to visit my biological father since my parents were split. Brain and I had started dating the day I was destined to leave there, and we held a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance became too much for both of us to bear. We had to end it. We still talk on occasions, but not as frequent.
“The one Kaitlyn met is named Cole, and the one I met is Tobias.” I looked down at my phone to check the time. 6:37. I noticed a notification from Tobias, which I immediately opened.
Tobias: You maybe wanna facetime tonight?
Me: Sure. Kaitlyn will probably be staying the night so it just depends on how things are at home. My house is usually a little chaotic.
Tobias: Well what are you doing right now? Maybe we can facetime right now.
Me: I’m with Kaitlyn and Charlie, and we are about to head back to the school to sing. So maybe tonight.
Tobias: Ight, I’ll be waiting.
He wanted to facetime? He did realize this was only sex, right? I left him on read and turned back to my friends. They were deep in conversation about how the band teacher was falling behind on his work and we were stuck playing the same pieces over and over lately. Kaitlyn and I were both in band and choir, whereas Charlie was more into drawing.
I looked out the window into the dark and empty parking lot. There were many reasons that I don’t date. When I meet someone, I usually become too attached to them, way too fast. I always put in all of my effort with very little back. I hadn’t been in many relationships, only three serious ones. I may not have had much experience, but someone always ends up hurt.
I turned back to study Kaitlyn. She has long, dark brown hair. She has perfectly clear skin, and beautiful eyes. Her skin was slightly pale, the way she always was. She didn’t tan easily. Kaitlyn was absolutely gorgeous, though she never saw herself that way. She is my best friend, without a doubt. This friendship is 13 years in the making, and we are indestructible.
I looked over at Charlie. We only became friends at the beginning of the year, so we still didn’t completely know each other. She has long, straight, black hair. She is super skinny, but not in the gross way. She dressed in a grunge style, and always wore thick black eyeliner, and even though it was sloppy, she looked stunning and flawless when she wore it, as if it was supposed to be messy. And maybe it was, I have no idea. I just know it suits her.
I looked at the time once again. It read 6:54. I turned to Kaitlyn.
“We gotta get to the school!” I exclaimed. I hated being late to things. The school is only about two miles from the theater, and the drive was fairly short, but I needed time to warm up.
“Renna, calm down. The drive is a whole two minutes. We have time. But we will go anyway, since Renna is a control freak.” Kaitlyn giggled. “Charlie, sorry to cut the conversation short. It was nice seeing you.”
Charlie gave a small wave as she pulled out her phone to call her grandma. Kaitlyn pulled the car out of the parking lot in one swift motion. I looked down at my phone to text Tobias.
Me: I have to sing now, so I probably won’t answer as fast.
Tobias: You are going to be amazing.
Me: I doubt it. I’m not that good.
Tobias: You’re perfect.
Me: You barely know me! I could be the serial killer this time.
Tobias: Even if you were, which I feel that you aren’t, I wouldn’t mind.
Me: How do you know I’m not?
Tobias: FIrst off, you are way too soft to kill anyone. I can tell by looking at you. You couldn’t hurt a fly. Plus, you are way too cute to be a serial killer :)
I smiled at this text. He thinks I’m cute.
Me: Well, I for one, am still not fully convinced that you may not be one. Also, I don’t have school tomorrow, so maybe we can see each other tomorrow? If you still want to.
Tobias: I would love that.
Me: Me too.
I sent the last message and put my phone into my pocket as we arrived at the school. The dashboard clock read 6:57. We rushed into the building and into the choir and band room. Everyone was already there warming up. We silently snuck into the crowd and started warming up with them.
As we did the random vocal runs, my mind wandered back to Tobias. He was being way too nice for just a hookup guy. It made me nervous and excited at the same time. And he wanted to facetime? Something was up with this.
We made our way into the gymnasium right in time for the announcer to tell the crowd that the high school choir would be singing the national anthem. The instructor, Mama Linda, hummed the first pitch, since we always sang it a capella.
During the song, Kaitlyn and I kept looking over at each other and giggling. Which of course made us both mess up. The song didn’t last that long, maybe around two minutes. And as soon as it was over, Kaitlyn and I were back into the car heading towards my house.
Kaitlyn’s mom and dad were recently separated, and she currently lives with her dad. He didn’t care if she came over. She was almost always at my house or I was at her house. We were never apart. We have bad anxiety when we are apart, but it’s probably because of the fact that we were always together.
We were almost to my house, and because my parents were so strict, I wasn’t allowed to have social media. So I deleted the SnapChat app from my phone without even checking to see if Tobias had texted. I had been so lost in thought the entire drive I had forgotten to see if Tobias had texted. The rest of the night was a blur, my mind gets like that sometimes. I go into autopilot mode.
The next thing I knew I was laying in bed next to Kaitlyn. I could hear her soft snores from her side of the bed. I turned onto my side facing the wall and reminded myself of the reasons I don’t get into relationships, because I feel that this boy is going to cause some trouble.
Someone always ends up getting heartbroken. Someone always gets hurt. And if I had only known then that I would have been this hurt, I never would have gone and seen him that next day.
I drifted off to sleep silently with Tobias still on my mind.
