The Downward Spiral

Charlie deserved to get punched. I liked Charlie. He was my pal. But he deserved to get punched. He had been winding up Eddie all day. Over every wee thing that bothered him. Winded him up about his burd, winded him up about college, winded him up about his Maw and Da having a go at him. Eddie could handle all that. He was used to it by now. But what set him off. What made him blow his wig. Was Charlie’s insistence that he was a ned. Eddie had been to college, he wasn’t a ned by any means. That didn’t stop him getting pissed at the accusation of being one. And Charlie being Charlie, a cheeky auld bastard. He wouldn’t let it go. We were out at the Dancing last night in town and anytime Eddie would try and make it with a lassie. Charlie would rock over and call him a ned under his breath hoping he’d lose his cool. He always did.

“Ah’m no ah fucking ned!”, “Don’t fucking call me ah ned”

This would scare off whatever lassie he was trying to fire into.

So thanks to Charlie being a cunt. Eddie went home all alone save for his right hand. Still, the young man had ignored Charlie’s attempts to get a rise out of him minus the odd act up.

Until this morning. As soon as Eddie came round to Charlie’s gaff in the Gorbals. Charlie was doing his nut in with the “yer ah ned” patter. Charlie kept at it and kept at it and kept at it...until Eddie turned around and punched him in the jaw. Charlie went down hard on the grass outside the tenement. He got right back up. He had taken many punches in his auld age. Judging by his reaction. That was one of the better ones. Certainly one of the ones he expected the least. He got home holding his jaw. He laughed, gave Eddie a golf clap and a hug for his troubles. No apology though. You never got an apology for Charlie no matter what he did. I learned that seven years ago. Eddie learned that today. We sat outside Charlie’s gaff in the Gorbals drinking. The tenement close was in squalor. Filthy and full of mice, broken glass and blood but it was like a palace to us. Me and Eddie spent most of our time here. To the point where Charlie had started asking for dig money. We ignored him and just kept coming over. Raiding his fridge of whatever we could find and sleeping on his couch. Sleeping on his couch annoyed him most of all. Because it had been an expensive present to himself in 67. And so he had banned anybody from Lying on it. Including the lassies he brought back from the dancing on Saturday nights in town. And there were many of them so he romanced his lassies on the floor. We joined in on cold lonely nights. Charlie was the oldest of the troops by quite a bit at 34. We met at the dancing one Saturday night in 1963. Striking up a conversation about Celtic and about our Catholic upbringing. We’d meet at the dancing over the next few weeks and from there I started coming over to his house on weekends. And our friendship grew from there. He had a chip on his shoulder from losing his Da in the War. A lot of guys around here did. A lot of guys grew up either never knowing their Das or seeing him leave to fight the Jerries and never coming back. This chip caused him to carry a small snub nosed Revolver around with him. Some guys like to drink and gamble to pass the time. Charlie liked to fight. It was the biggest high for him. Charlie had joined the Gorbals Young Team During the War. And when we became friends I joined too; I couldn’t care either way for the fighting it was what it was. I just wanted to hang out with my pal. But if someone hurt him as many of the Protestant razor gangs tried to do. I wouldn’t allow that. And violence would ensue. Eddie was a different story. At 19 he was the youngest of us. He had known Charlie since he was 12 after he battered fuck out of a wee Orange boy Charlie hated. From then on. Charlie took him under his wing as the kind of younger brother he never had. To Eddie’s credit he was a smart wain, wanted to be a writer and had the ability to do so. But he had become just as involved with the razor gang as I had. And despite his best efforts to keep his temper down and avoid confrontation. He often failed to do so. Diplomacy was rarely an option in Glasgow. He had been seeing a lassie from Paisley for the past 5 months. He was like a wain after his first kiss all the time. His face lit up whenever she was brought up in conversation. But recently he had seemed down, so I took it upon myself to ask him how he was doing. Charlie hadn’t seemed to notice.

“So, Eddie, whit happened wi’ ye and”... I forgot her name and was snapping my fingers trying to remember.

“Heather” Charlie said.

“Heather” I repeated right away as if I hadn’t forgotten.

Eddie shrugged, lowered his head and sighed. He looked defeated and heartbroken.

“We broke up”

“What happened?” I asked. He was silent for a beat before answering.

“She wanted tae get married”

“So?” Charlie asked. Neither of us could gather why this would be such an earth-shattering deal breaker. Considering how much Eddie seemed to love her. It didn’t make much sense to me.

“Well ah said congratulations who ye marrying and when ye dae gees us ah invite”

We sat in stunned silence for a moment before Charlie broke it.

“Yer serious aye?” Charlie asked him.

“Aye ah’m serious”

“No wonder she dumped ye then” I said in disbelief.

Eddie scoffed. He couldn’t understand how that would upset a lassie. I couldn’t be arsed explaining it to him. He’d have to learn it the hard way. It sounded like he already had. He just didn’t know it yet.

“Who’s this lassie you’ve been seeing? Charlie asked me.

“Well ah widnae say ah wis seeing-” Charlie interrupted me.

“Did she winch ye?”

“Aye”

“Did ye shag her?”

“Naw, no yet anyway”

“Then yer seeing her”

“How dae ye figure?” I asked Charlie trying to work out his logic, if he had any.

“Say ah lassie wants ah shag right?”

“Right. Ah’m no following ye mate” I said. Charlie was stone-faced.

“Fuck up. If ah lassie wants ah shag she’ll go tae the dancing, pick up a boy, take him hame and dae whit they dae ye follow?”

“Kinda aye”

“So she could ah taken ye hame if she wanted tae bit instead she hung oot wi’ ye, held yer haun and winched ye?”

“Aye?” I said trying to work out where this was going.

“So if she takes aw that time oot ah her day fur ye, lets ye hod her haun and winched ye, she must like ye mate. Take it fae ah guy who’s been aroon ah time or two. Lassies don’t just dae that fur any cunt. Yer seeing her. She must like ye son”

I said nothing. I just sat there thinking for a couple of seconds. Charlie had actually said something insightful for once in the six years I’d known him. And he was right. That made me feel good. He ruined it a few seconds later by going back to the usual Charlie.

“Noo ah don’t no whit it says aboot her taste in men that she picks you ah aw fucking people, bit ah’m happy fur ye” Charlie said. Eddie chuckled at it and kept drinking.

“Mon let’s put oan the telly and ah’ll order ah Chippy” Charlie said

He got up and walked into the close, we followed suit. The close was fucking freezing. If you touched the stone ground you might catch hypothermia and have to have your hand cut off. We walked up a flight of steps and across the veranda to the 12th house. Charlie’s house was a one bedroom little flat in the Gorbals. The poorest area of Glasgow but thanks to his “unsavoury work”. He had managed to make himself a decent living. Certainly better than all his neighbours combined. Not that that was saying much. But he had grown up here. He had a love for it and would never leave.

Me and Eddie sat on the floor, there was no coal left in the fire, so we were about as cold as we were outside.

“Whit yous wanting and ah’ll walk roon and get it?” Charlie asked.

“Dae ye want us tae come wi’ ye?” I asked, figuring if we were going to be freezing, We could at least walk it off.

We were down the first flight of stairs when Charlie stopped us.

“Hawl boys” Charlie barked.

Like his good little soldiers we stopped and turned to face him.

“Take ah look at this’ ′ He said with childlike glee. He pulled from his suit jacket pocket a snub-nosed Revolver and started waving it around.

“Whit is that?” Eddie asked.

“It’s a Revolver” he said matter of factly.

“A 32 to be exact. Like the wans they use in the John Wayne pictures. You should know that JR” he said and pointed the gun at me.

“Watch it wi’ that hing, how did ye get it anyway?” I asked him. He lowered the weapon as he answered.

“It wis ma Da’s, did ye no he served in the War?”

“Aye Chatlie ye tell us that aw the time” Eddie said.

“Ah’m just saying ah’m so proud ah him kicking those Jerry bastards out ah Europe ah wish ah had served” He said. We had heard this many times before.

“Ye were 10 when it ended mate” Was my deadpan response.

“Aye bit ah could have still kicked those Nazi bastards’ cunts in maself. If they come back watch oot” He said and raised the gun again.

I walked right up to him and lowered it. Just in case he got too excited and fired it.

“Settle doon ye weapon. Nae Nazis will be marching through Glesga anytime soon” I told him. Charlie shrugged me off.

“Well then it’ll save bullets fur some Orange pricks getting wide wi’ me. blow his heid aff”

“Like Tommy then aye?” Eddie chimed in with a smirk. Charlie aimed the gun at Eddie and grinned.

“Ye wanting shot Edward?”

As we started to laugh about it, we heard the faint sound of a snare drum, which got progressively louder and louder. It came from up the road and was coming up the street fast. We ran out of the close to see what was happening. It was the “Brigton Derry Boys″ A Protestant razor gang from Glasgow’s south side. They wore Williamite style attire. A red suit jacket, red trousers, red boots and a red cap with an Orange sash draped over it. It was over the top to say the least. Like a Halloween costume but that was half the point. To put on a show, be bombastic and entertaining before they slashed you across the face with their razors. There were three of them. The guy in the middle was beating that snare drum like he was Charlie Watts. The other two had their straight razors out ready for violence. We stood and watched them get closer and closer. We were pumped up. Ready for a fight. Adrenaline rushed through me. It was more exciting than football or shagging.

“This will be fun,” I said to Charlie smiling.

“Better than ah Nazi” Charlie said. He looked like he was ready to orgasm.

The gang were marching up the street in militaristic fashion. We could hear them from up the street singing a sectarian song set to the tune of “Marching Through Georgia”.

Hello, Hello!

We are the Brigton Derry Boys!

Hello, Hello!

You’ll know us by our noise!

We’re up to our knees in Fenian blood!

Surrender or you’ll die!

For we are The Brigton Derry Billy Boys!”

Their wee song and dance number came to an end and they stopped in the middle of the street. Their leader was a wee prick named Billy Locke. Ge was about the same age as Eddie with the most punchable face in the whole of Glasgow. He marched up to Charlie, squaring up to him. Saying he and Charlie didn’t get along was an understatement. I don’t know what started it but I’d never seen two people despise each other as they two did. It wasn’t just the sectarianism, that was an excuse. Just a reason to fight each other. If it wasn’t that. There would be another reason. They’d find a reason to have a rammy they always did. They were those types of guys. Charlie sarcastically applauded his performance. I had my razor drawn by this point. As soon as he tried anything I was more than ready to slash him.

Charlie walked over to me and whispered to me like he was a football manager working a tactic to get a last minute goal. I relayed the message to Eddie who was more cautious about drawing his razor. Wanting to avoid a fight though it was becoming clear to him that wasn’t going to be an option.

Charlie walked back to the Billy Boys. Getting right in Billy’s face he said ”Ye boys should be called “Billy Locke And The Orange Wankers”

Charlie stopped talking and spat in Billy’s face. Billy stood there for a second in shock that someone had the balls to do that to him. In the second between Billy registering what happened and Billy having a reaction to it. Charlie had made a beeline for the close. The Billy Boys pursued him into the close, Billy’s face turned beetroot from the humiliation. He was so pissed off in fact, he hadn’t noticed me standing there, neither had his two pals. I was left to plot a counter attack as they ran into the close. I leaned against the wall of the close. Sticking my foot out to keep the door open and looked in at what was happening.

Eddie hid under the stairwell, looking terrified. He hadn’t seen Charlie run into the close as far as he was concerned It was three against one. He was fucked. Locke and his boys had their razors drawn ready to slice wee Eddie open. They heard him instantly. Fuck. I was hoping Charlie’s plan would work but it didn’t seem to be so far.

“Found ye ya bastard” Billy shouted, his voice echoing up and down the close. They dragged Eddie kicking and screaming out from the stairwell.

“Watch ye don’t cut yerself on that glass there son that’s our job” Billy growled.

Not great to say the least. Charlie had better hurry the fuck up or I was going to have jump in there. The Billy Boys took Eddie’s black sports jacket off. And ripped his shirt exposing his bare flesh to their blades. Eddie was practically in tears now. Fucking hell. I decided to jump in.

From outside the close, I started singing my own sectarian song to the tune of “The Auld Orange Flute”

“Went to a party Friday night.

The Orange were there and they wanted to fight.

I drew out my blade as quick as a flash chanting “Young Team, Young Team, Ya Bass”

The first wan that came was five foot four, I lifted ma boot and he fell to the floor.

The cunt was in agony, the cunt was in pain, i lifted ma boot and fucked him again”

Billy and his boys turned to face me. In the slight distraction. Eddie got up and shoved Billy into one of the other lads and they fell down on the ground. Star fishing to cushion their fall. I walked into the close whistling with my razor in my hand, we had the upper hand now.

I jumped on top of Billy and the lad battering fuck out of them, raining down punches on them. I went to slice Billy open with the razor. The other lad grabbed my wrist to stop me. We wrestled for control of the blade.

Charlie and Eddie attacked the third lad. The wee bastard had a trick up his sleeve. He had two razors tucked down his sleeve so if Charlie or Eddie tried to grab his wrists. They were going to get sliced open. It was real scary shit. Clever but scary. He was fending the boys off, beating them back with ease. It was a cakewalk for him. Every time Charlie or Eddie would go for him. He’d just stretch his arms out and they’d retreat rather than risk getting their wrists slashed with the razors.

A police siren wailed in the distance and it was getting louder. They were on their way to come and sort us out. I dropped my razor and got off of Billy. I moved backwards towards Charlie and Eddie, not turning my back on him that would be a bad idea. Billy was the type of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to stab me in the back. The Billy Boys bolted out the close away from the sirens. We walked back upstairs to Charlie’s as innocently as we could trying to avoid getting lifted.