Chapter 1
FINCH
Day 9
I was fucked. Absolutely, positively, fucked.
And it was all because of the girl in the big, ugly glasses.
Violet Markey.
Today we wandered to the highest point in Indiana, Hoosier Hill, which was an overwhelming 1,257 ft. We stood upon that rock, and I got to hold her hand and — oh, Jesus Christ.
I don’t know what happened to me, but all of the sudden I feel more awake than the day before. Like, awake-awake, like some grabbed an electrical cord and stuck it up my ass and cranked it up as high as it could go. Now I’m itching to hold her hand one more time. To feel her soft skin against my own sounds really great right now but hey! You can’t always get what you sometimes.
I only have one word to describe Violet Markey.
Invincible.
She’s hard like steel, but soft all the same. She’s strong-willed, I can tell. She’s bright and smart and snarky and has a curvy ass. She makes me feel. Violet Markey makes me feel stuff I don’t want to feel.
Every time we’re in U.S Geography, I want to look at me. See me. Hear me. It’s weird. And my heart speeds up every time I see her or think of her, like I’m running a marathon. It’s exhilarating.
“Decca, tell me what you learned today,” Mom says, and I suddenly remember that I’m at the dinner table.
“Actually,” I cut in, “I’d like to tell you what I learned today.”
Decca and Mom and Kate stare at me, open-mouthed. My mother blinks before smiling. “Okay, Theodore. Tell me what you learned today.”
“Today, I learned that Violet Markey is all the colors. She’s red, fierce and fiery. She’s orange, snarky and smart. She’s yellow, happy and energetic. She’s green, irritated and sarcastic. She’s blue, sad and melancholy. She’s purple, mysterious and beautiful. She’s Ultraviolet. All the colors at full brightness.”
By the time I’m done talking, Mom is crying and Decca and Kate are staring at me as if I’d lost my mind. I smile, finishing the pattern on my plate.
“Excuse me.” I say, and without an answer, I take my plate to the sink and drop it off. I flash them one last smile before trudging up to my room.
Once I enter, I pull out a sticky-note and a pen. I write, Ultraviolet; all the colors at full brightness, then slap it onto my Wall Of Thoughts/Ideas/Song Lyrics/whatever.
I stare at it for a while with a goofy smile on my face.
“So bright.” I murmur.
FINCH
The Night Of
I am euphoric. I am elegance. I am honey melting in her grasp. I am warm. I am cozy. I am so fucking sappy.
Violet Markey is cradling me close to her chest like a piece of fragile glass, which makes me feel even more special. She’s stroking my hair with graceful movements. She is elegance. She is euphoria.
Her fingers move to my face, where they trace beautiful patterns that only she knows on my cheeks, my forehead, my neck. Her fingers glide over my lips, and that’s when I decide to speak.
“I love you, Violet Markey.” I whisper it so quietly that even I have trouble hearing it.
Violet doesn’t falter one bit, her hand moving to grasp my chin and tilt my face upwards. I stare up at her, my heart pounding and my blood racing. Her eyes are intense and I can’t look away.
“I love you too.” she says it just as quietly.
I smile, and she smiles too. She holds my cheeks in her hands, and she leans in.
I meet her half-way, kissing her with everything I’ve got.
I just hope it’s enough.
FINCH
The Day After
“You see, until I met you, I had only ever experienced desire. Love, never.” — Vicomte De Valmont.
I
am
in
love.
FINCH
Day 67
I sit in my closet, the door closed, thinking. Deciding. Deciding whether I should tell Violet what I almost did.
I’m trying to decide how I should tell her. I could go: ‘Hey there, Ultraviolet. Before I ran to your humble abode, I ran to a hospital so they could suck out sleeping pills I swallowed because I wanted to see how it felt to feel my body shutdown, limb by limb, organ by organ. Sorry’.
Or:
‘I almost committed suicide’.
Yeah. So, as you can clearly see, I have limited options.
And I also kinda hung up on her, too. So she’ll probably be pissed at me.
In a blink of an eye, I find myself standing outside Violet Markey’s window. I don’t remember running here, but all I know is that I can’t turn back.
I pick up a pebble and throw it.
She comes to the window immediately, and I feel a grin on my face as she opens the window and stares down at me.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Hey,” she says back.
We stare at each other.
“What the hell, Finch? What was that? Calling me and then hanging up?” Violet asks, her grey-green eyes clouded with anger and worry.
I grin. “I knew you’d be angry.” I snicker.
“I’m not angry, Finch.” she says. Her big eyes soften and she sighs. “I’m worried about you.”
I look away, ashamed. I swallow down unwanted emotions, closing my eyes for a brief moment.
Relax.
Breathe deeply.
Count.
I open my eyes and find her staring at me again. “I suppose you’ll want to know what I was doing.” It’s not a question.
“Yes.”
“I —” I pause, unsure of how to continue.
Violet raises an expecting eyebrow at me.
“Give me a minute.” I say. She nods and continues to stare at me. No-bullshit eyes.
My heart beats fast. My blood pounds. My thoughts race a mile-a-minute. I take a deep breath and speak. I don’t look at her. I stare at my feet.
“I took some sleeping pills.”
The night is so quiet that I can hear my own heavy breathing and the thumping of my heart in my ears. It’s maddening.
“What?” Violet sounds scared.
“Sleeping pills. I took, like, ten of them. Maybe more. I don’t know.” I shrug and look back up at her. She’s crying. I don’t know if she knows she is, and my eyes widen.
“You going to die?” She whisper-sobs. It’s a horrible sound.
I frantically shake my head. “No! I got them out,”
Violet forgets we’re in a neighborhood and it’s nighttime. “How?!” she screams.
“I ran to the hospital! They got them out, Ultraviolet, no need to loose your marbles!”
“Why would you run there!” she cries.
“Would you have rather me walk there?” I retort.
She stares at me and says nothing.
I sigh. “Violet, look —”
“Do you want to die, Finch?”
I stop, my heart sputtering in my chest. The breath whooshes out of my lungs. “What?” I ask, breathless and winded.
She repeats her question. “Do you want to die, Finch?”
I stare at her for a while before replying. “No.” I say.
“Then why?” she sounds hysterical.
“I don’t know, Violet. I —” I stop and sigh, knowing what I’m about to say won’t make any sense to her. “It keeps me Awake, okay? I just need to feel something. I wanted to know how it felt.”
Violet stares at me, her grey-green eyes burning holes into my very soul. She slams the window with force, causing the whole thing to shake. I jump in surprise.
I don’t have to wait long.
Violet barrels out the front door, in her hideous robe and flip-flops. She launches herself into my arms, and I stumble back, the force of her impact making me loose my balance.
“Finch!” she cries. Her legs are wrapped around my waist and her arms are bound tight around my neck. I nuzzle into her shoulder while wrapping my own arms around her body. I hold her tight to me.
“I’m sorry for scaring you.” I whisper.
Violet says nothing, just pressing her lips to to forehead and running her hands through my hair. I grab her face and kiss her.
“Sorry,” I murmur between kisses.
Violet shakes her head, her dark golden hair falling like a curtain around us. She doesn’t have her glasses on. She looks beautiful. I love her.
“I love you, Ultraviolet Remarkey-able.” I tell her, and she smiles at me. I smile back at her.
“I love you too, Theodore Finch.”
My heart bursts with joy.
And in the end, my love was enough for her.
