I wish it hadn't come to this

I wish it hadn’t come to this.

Flames’ eyes blurred with tears as she read the note. Her breathing was frantic. She desperately searched for an answer. An answer to the note. To Kosmic’s empty bedroom. His absence in school. He was never one to miss school, let alone completely disappear.

I didn’t want this to happen. I couldn’t take it anymore, I’m so sorry to whoever finds this. I’m sorry for being a coward. For leaving you all alone in this grim world. I’m sorry for never being enough. I’m sorry that I never fit into your standards. To Flames and all those close to me, this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I knew it’d come to this point but I didn’t have the heart to tell you all. I love you so much.

-Kosmic

The sob she’d been holding wrenched from her chest and she fell to the floor. She shook with stunned sadness.

“No, No, No.” She weeped, “Kosmic.”

How had she been so oblivious to his pain? She was a horrible for not noticing how anguished Kosmic had been feeling. How had he gotten to this point, he’d seemed far more content and relaxed than usual the past few days. “Why?” her voice cracked.

There wasn’t anything she could do now, he was gone.

Footsteps echoed in the air but her muddled mind couldn’t quite make up what was happening. They were hurried and frantic, she didn’t notice her brother’s presence until he knelt next to her, his hands wrapping around her shoulder and pressing her weeping body into his chest.

“He’s gone,” Her voice was fragile.

Atticus let out a shuddered breath as he pulled his little sister close. His own eyes were red, dried tears stained his cheeks and he gently buried his face in her hair, “He’s at the hospital.”

Flames stilled.

Atticus bit his lip and sobbed holding his younger sister close, Kosmic was like a brother to him. He couldn’t get the words out, only cries left his lips. He’d always done his best to stay strong but seeing Flames crying had completely torn down his walls. She never cried.

He couldn’t bring himself to say why Kosmic was hospitalized. He was sure that Flames could piece things together.

Flames stayed silent letting Atticus sob into her shoulder.

“He attempted.”

Her breathing hitched and she couldn’t hold in the sob that rose from her chest.

Kosmic

His gaze was downcast; he stared at the hospital floor. He’d come in with an ambulance; the stickers of the EKG we’re still attached to his chest. He glared at the gown that covered him. It’d been a total miracle that someone had found him. They had not found him in the best of states, bruises and cuts covered his arms, his pulse had been racing, his breathing irregular and he’d passed out.

If someone hadn’t noticed him, he’d be dead. Most would be thankful that they had not died, but Kosmic resented himself. He hated that he’d failed at a task so simple to complete. He didn’t want to see anyone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle their presence.

His wish wasn’t granted as he saw Flames rush into the small hospital room. She practically threw herself on top of Kosmic who gave a soft grunt of pain.

“Kos,” Her voice broke and tears streamed down her face as she hugged her best friend tightly. She didn’t want to risk letting go, “Oh Kosmic,” she whispered.

Kosmic hugged her, his head resting on her shoulder. He could feel the tears forming in his crystalline blue eyes. He tried his hardest to keep them from falling but they poured down like a waterfall. He sobbed squeezing Flames as he tried to gain a sense of reality to the events that had just happened.

“I’m so sorry,” He breathed out shakily, “I didn’t want you to see me like this,” He weeped his body shaking with the force of his agony.

“Shh shh,” Her voice was soothing despite the pain that coated her words, “Don’t apologize, Kos. It’s not your fault.” she ran a hand through his hair, an action she’d done in the past to soothe his anxiety. She removed his glasses and placed them aside.

“I-I” He whimpered as he tried to find the words to explain what he’d done. He wanted to assure Flames that he was fine. It was obvious he wasn’t but he was so used to faking it.

“You don’t have to explain yourself Kosmo,” She sniffed as she pulled back and stared at Kosmic. He didn’t meet her eyes choosing to stare down at the floor instead, “I’m so sorry,” She took in a shaky breath as she let her head rest on Kosmic’s forehead, “I should’ve been more observant. I could’ve helped” her voice cracked.

Kosmic bit his lip and wrapped his arms around her once more, “It’s not your fault Flames, no one knew” he insisted, doing his best to keep the onslaught of tears at bay.

“Kosmo,” she breathed out softly doing her best to keep calm, “I love you, you know that?” Her voice cracked as she pulled him into her arms, “I love you so fucking much,”

Kosmic bit his lip as tears stained his face. He whimpered softly feeling weak and feeble in the arms of his best friend. He deeply regretted even attempting suicide as he held her in his arms. He couldn’t bear the amount of pain he was putting Flames through. Not only her but others as well, he could only imagine how panicked her family was. He was certain that Flames had run in without notice.

“Kosmic!” Atticus said his eyes wet and red from crying. “We were so worried.” He cleared his throat staring at his youngest sister. “Zane, Snow, and Vylad are waiting. The nurses said two at a time.”

Kosmic nodded softly and glanced at Flames who reluctantly let go of Kosmic so Atticus could hug him. Without hesitation, the tall blonde embraced Kosmic. His hug was firm and heartwarming.

“They’re all worried out of their minds, Celeste,” Atticus whispered.

Kosmic nodded softly. Atticus hadn’t used the nickname in years. He had always used it to comfort Kosmic.

Flames stood aside as the two hugged. She didn’t want to leave but she knew she had to give her other siblings a chance to talk to Kosmic.

“I’m going to let Snow in,” she said softly and walked out of the room wiping at her eyes as she went. She hated crying in front of others.

“Okay,” Atticus mumbled and ran a hand through Kosmic’s hair ruffling it. “You’re like a little brother to me.”

“Seeing the way you fight with Zane, I’d rather not be,”

Atticus chuckled at Kosmic’s attempt to lighten the mood. “Yeah yeah… Snow is going to scold you.” he said softly knowing that his twin sister was going to give Kosmic an earful even if it was out of affection.

“I know. She only means the best.” Kosmic stated softly and wiped at his eyes.

Atticus turned as he heard footsteps. Sure enough, there stood Snow, her blonde hair reaching her shoulders. Her blue eyes weren’t the usual icy blue, but instead they were filled with an obvious anxiousness and warmth that Kosmic had only seen a few times. They were red from crying. Her nose was tinted pink as she sniffed and walked towards him. Atticus backed off letting her embrace Kosmic.

She hugged him tightly, a sob escaping her throat, Atticus and Kosmic seemed stunned by her reaction.

Kosmic recovered quickly and wrapped his arms around Snow. He’d never seen her cry. He can’t recall a time where he saw her shed a tear. Most of the time she seemed emotionless or amused. Never once had he seen her this distraught.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Her scolding was weak as she hugged him, her chest aching with pain.

“I won’t,” his reply was meek.

“Seriously, Kosmo. We care so much about you,” Her voice cracked. “I know I’m not as affectionate as Flames, or even as patient as Vylad. I know I don’t show it often but I do,” she whimpered, “I do care.”

“This isn’t your-”

“I’m not saying it is.” She seemed desperate at this point. “Please. I’ll try harder but please,” She looked up at him, her eyes stormy and brimming with tears. He gazed at them as she spoke up ,”Please stay with us,” She said softly and hid her face once more.

Kosmic took in a shaky breath and wiped the tears that formed in his eyes. “I will.”