Recruitment
Chapter 1 – Recruitment
GCHQ – Cheltenham, England
Knock knock. In came JoJo. Ladies first.
She had been worried all morning about the questions they would ask. Can you shoot straight? Do you know Morse code? Can you snap somebody’s neck in the dark? She needn’t have worried. They were alarmingly generic. She could have been applying for some bland middle management role. How do you evaluate a potential spy anyway? Her two inquisitors blazed away.
‘What attracted you to this job? What have you been doing for the last year or so? Describe your greatest achievement? Are you a team player?’
But then came the special question. There was one for each of the six candidates. Pre-set in advance by …well, by who exactly? Someone else, someplace else. That was pretty much all they knew.
‘Well that’s about it Joanne’ said Blinky, an hour or so later ‘You’ve answered all the questions very well I must say. Just one more to go and then you’re done.’
‘Ok, well thank heavens for that. You`ve saved the hardest one till last I suppose?’ She widened her eyes enquiringly.
’Well, in some ways it might be easier because it’s a multiple choice. So, I want you to imagine that you`re stranded on a desert island. Which of these three options would you choose to optimise your chances of rescue?
Number one. You find the highest point on the island, light a fire and keep it blazing as long as possible to try and attract attention.
Number two. You calculate how much wood you can get together and figure out if you can build a raft and make a dash for it.
Number three. You try to build some kind of signalling or transmission device. You are a radio and network engineer with a physics background as we heard earlier. Amongst your other skills that is.’
‘Well the first one is impractical. How long could I keep it ablaze, even assuming I could light it? Number two is too dangerous, too weather dependant, one rogue wave and I`m in the drink and would probably drown. Number three. Might work depending on what kind of natural minerals are lying around. Possible, but a hell of a long shot. I might have another preferred option though. Do I have drinking water?’
‘Yes’
‘Well then I’d probably stay on the island. Better to adapt than die. Might be miserable but might be idyllic. No noise. No pollution. No digital world. Just Mother Nature. If I could learn to hunt I`d be ok. Only need to have food every thirty days and water every three so that would give me time to build some kind of shelter and get myself sorted out. No major ties in the outside world. So, on reflection, I think I’d choose to stay.’
The two interviewers studied her impassively. She turned and gazed over towards the window, focusing hard, suddenly remembering the type of job interview that she was having.
‘How did I get stranded anyway?’
‘Plane crash.’
‘Am I the only survivor?’
‘No.’
‘Did the plane burn up?’
‘No.’
‘Does anybody know where we are at the moment?’
‘Not exactly, no.’
‘How long have I already been there?’
‘Two days.’
‘Is anybody from the plane dead?’
’Yes.
‘The pilot?’
‘Yes.’
‘Did he die in the crash?’
‘No’
‘Was the other survivor involved in his death?’
‘In her death.Yes.’
‘Are we related?’
‘No’
‘Am I presently in danger from the other survivor?’
‘Yes.’
‘Are there any weapons on the island?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is the island actually inhabited?’
‘Yes.’
‘Were we on a mission?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is the other survivor an agent?’
‘Yes.’
‘An enemy agent?’
‘Yes.’
‘So, I have a former colleague who has gone rogue and tried to take control of the plane to land it somewhere else, on the other side presumably. The cargo of guns and other ammunition on the plane was destined for one side of a conflict that is currently raging for control of the island. So that implies wealth, since an armed struggle is seldom over anything less. The agent underestimated our pilot and either killed her deliberately or by crashing the plane accidentally while attempting to land it away from the designated strip. So, my priority is to escape detection, contact the faction that we are supporting and then use their comms to call for urgent back-up’
‘You don’t want to kill the other agent who is trying to kill you?’
‘Neutralise her yes. Kill her no. I need her information.’
‘Her?’
‘Female pilots only fly on all female crew missions.’
‘OK. So how will you do that?’
‘By going missing until the good guys turn up. Any mission of that importance will start to flag very quickly back at base if there is no contact for a while. That’s usually a couple of hours max. You said we were two days in. The reinforcements must be as good as coming up the beach by now.’
‘Well she did catch on eventually I suppose’ Blinky was ticking off a couple of boxes on the form.
‘Yes, and from that point onward her thought process was logical and fluid’ agreed Archie. ‘Plus prior to that she`d been very solid. Pretty good all round actually. I think she`ll fit in ok.’
They both ticked the relevant boxes. Now then, let’s see who`s next. Mark Wright, the weapons guy. Hah! Joining a unit with no weapons. Would he already know that? Should they be telling him? Quick thumb through the notes. Didn’t say so. Apparently not then.
Knock knock.
‘Hello Mark, and welcome. Please take a seat. My name is Algernon Duff and this is my colleague Archie Webster. We`re a bit of a double act on this side of the desk but it’s just a ruse to get you to talk about yourself. The more conversational it is, the better we like it. So, there are – obviously – going to be some questions but please just relax. We`re really more interested in you as a person than the answers actually.’
‘No problem’ Mark smiled confidently. ‘What would you like to know?’
And off they went.
How did you hear about this job? Why do you think you`ll be any good at it? What three qualities would you say describe you best as a person?
Then the special question.
’I want you to imagine that you`re the manager of a big time football club. You’ve got a massive cup semi-final coming up. Your star striker has been caught out boozing two nights earlier breaking a strict curfew rule. The media have the story and are going to print it. Which of these three options would you choose to serve the best interests of the club and the other players?
Number one. Drop him because he`s broken an internal rule, even though you might lose the cup game and the big money that would come with an appearance in the final. Number two. Appeal to the media to sit on the story until after the game, promising them a bigger favour in the future. Number three. Poll the rest of the players and go with their preferred course of action.’
‘None of those. I’d put him on the subs bench and just use him if I had to. If we were winning, he could just sit there and stew because I wouldn`t need to bring him on. That would hopefully teach him a lesson and demonstrate to the other players that the club was serious about sticking to internal rules.’
‘Pleasure to meet you Mark. Thanks for coming in. We`ll let you know by the weekend.’
Did the candidate demonstrate the ability to think outside the box? Yes.Tick.
Did they choose one of the options provided? No. Tick.
Did they proffer their own solution? Yes. Tick.
Was this sensible, practical and realistic taking into account all of the circumstances? Yes. Tick ’Shall we break for lunch now? No let’s do Paul and then its three down and three to go this afternoon.
‘Morning Paul. Please come on in and take a seat. My name is,’ etc, etc. ‘Can you tell me one thing about yourself which most people don’t know? Have you got any unfulfilled ambitions? Why are you wanting to move on from what you are currently doing?’
And then…
‘Ok, so last question. I want you to imagine that you`re an astronaut on the space station. Your buddy has gone outside to do a repair. On your instrumentation you notice that his oxygen level has started to dip alarmingly. He should normally have enough for one full hour easily and he`s only been out there for ten minutes to do a thirty minute repair. You can’t communicate with him because he’s on the dark side of the ship, no radio waves. Which of these three options would you choose to address the situation. Number one. Assume it’s an erroneous reading and do nothing. Number two. Contact mission control back on earth and ask their advice. Number three. Head on outside to bring him back in, just in case?’
‘Can he actually see me?’
‘Yes, but only if he stops looking at the repair job.’
‘What’s he fixing?’
‘A reflector panel on an aerial.’
‘Can I move it remotely from where I am?’
‘Yes, you can realign the aerial to pick up different frequencies.’
‘Will he realise that I’m doing that?’
‘There is a high probability that he will, yes’
‘Is there any danger to him if I make the unit move while he`s working on it?’
‘No, the movement is very slow. Detectable but slow.’
‘Well, that’s my preferred choice. I move the unit and wait for him to turn round and make a rude sign at me. Then I draw my finger across my throat to indicate the danger and beckon him in. The other three options are non-starters. Number one is just guesswork and could get him killed. Number two is delegating the problem to somebody millions of miles away who is probably no better equipped than me to test the fault. Nice way to cover my arse perhaps, but the wrong course of action for resolving the situation. Number three would just put us both in danger.’
‘They`re good aren’t they’? Archie asked rhetorically, attacking the smoked salmon and lamb tagine. ‘Where`d you get them all from?’
He had been surprised at the high calibre of the interviewees so far that morning and, as a man with more than a passing interest in filling ministry vacancies, he was intrigued. Colonel Algernon Blinky Duff tapped the side of his nose. Aah. Ok. It was like that then was it
‘Three passes and no fails. You don’t get that very often in one session,’ he persisted, although remaining pretty certain that his fishing expedition would fail.
’I can’t tell you what I don’t know Archie. Sorry old man. It’s not even a need to know basis. It’s more of an “ I don’t actually bloody know myself” kind of thing. I know that`s difficult to believe but there it is. Strange but true.’
Somebody had, it seemed, as good as hand selected the six who would be The Nines and these final interviews were just rubber stamping the appointments. But who? And why the unusual lack of transparency. All a bit worrying really, but not so much that it disturbed their enjoyment of the mini blackcurrant crumbles. A Government lunch should never be spoilt by an excess of Government business and the intrigue was never really that far off anyway. One learned to live with it.
A coffee for Blinky and a cup of tea for Archie and away they went, back into the fray for the afternoon session.
‘That`s the Brits all in then’ Archie noted. ‘Next ones a yank. A chemist apparently.You good to go? Shall we wheel him in then?’
It had only been a few weeks earlier. The two of them had met up to read through the briefing document together. It was difficult to find a way to argue against it. Not very long. Made its main point very succinctly.
“The UK,” it started “along with most other industrialised nations, continues to face all types of threats. They are many and varied in both their nature and their potential impact and they range from low-level minor inconveniences to the much more significant. All of them must be taken seriously but the limited resources currently at our disposal require careful allocation, so all related planning needs to be of the highest order.”
So far, so good, nothing much new there. But then it went on …
“In order to facilitate and manage this essential task Her Majesty’s Government has a variety of tried and trusted options at its disposal. These include the business as usual methods which will continue to support our domestic and global strategies as well as they have always done.
However, in these changing times our enemies are changing quicker than most. They are more unconventional now than they have ever been. They do not wear uniforms to identify themselves so are largely invisible. They do not represent other countries, thereby leaving us nothing to attack. Their weapons are ideas which tend to act like poisons for which we have no ready antidote. They do not inhabit any one single location where we could identify and isolate them. They do not seek territory in the traditional manner of the wartime aggressor. Rather they seek cultural change and wish to impose sets of values on this country which are alien to us.
So, we now need to ask ourselves an important question. Are we currently doing everything possible to safeguard ourselves from these threats or could we do more? If so, what would that be?
This briefing document suggests several new ways in which the current situation could be improved. The first is the most important, because all the others flow from it.
Our considered view is that a new special unit be formed to address not just the emerging current threat but also whatever else follows. They will report to an existing senior officer who will manage the gap between the old and the new methods using the increasingly unfashionable qualities of maturity and experience.
Their modus operandi will be unashamedly elitist and the whole recruitment process will focus on intelligence, adaptability and individual skill sets. They will be a small group, six at most, known to each other and their commanding officer but not to anyone else. Their remit will be task and project based and their own judgement will be trusted to determine their workload.
The team will be presented with a mixed selection of potential projects for consideration on a quarterly basis. They will determine their own priorities and courses of action based on a set of strategic guidelines from the Cabinet Office. They will never perform individually, only ever as a team.
Most significantly perhaps they will be unarmed as the UK tries to lead the way in solving the latest wave of international problems in a more considered manner.
They will not meet violence with violence but will seek more elegant and intelligent solutions to defeat our foes and reduce their capability to inflict harm or create danger. They will therefore need to be individuals of the highest calibre, independently capable of shrewd judgement, fast thinking, and equally happy working alone whenever required, albeit always in the team environment. They must have limited personal baggage and be off the radar. In short, six unknowns, six strangers, the six who will become The Nines.
Only ever six, never more and never less. The recruitment process will be vital so will not follow convention. It will be split into two halves with the second phase being the usual face to face interview session using only the most senior operational and personnel assessors available. Their task will be to provide the final validation of the candidates. Approval at interview will be the last hurdle.”
Final validation? So, who’s doing the initial selection and the screening then?
Only ever six? Why?
Anyway, it was what it was and now the day had come and here was Blinky with Archie, shuffling papers, making sure there was plenty of sparkling and still next to the obligatory jug of iced tap.
‘It’s really right down on tha` border with old Mehico, in fact the town’s pretty much split down tha` middle with New Laredo, well Nuevo Laredo as they call it in Spanish, on tha` other side.’
The interviewers were relaxing Jake by letting him talk about a subject that made most people comfortable. Themselves. Starting in this case with the trusty old standard “where exactly do you come from?”
‘It’s around one fifty miles or so up to San Antonio if that helps y’all position it. Ya know, where the battle of The Alamo took place. But yeah, pretty much deep south.’
‘You must have been in high demand locally with your chemist skills. Isn`t it pretty much the drug capital of the world down there. Breaking Bad, I believe, was the television series my grandson mentioned.’
Jake chuckled to hear two plumy old Brits mentioning that show. Just a bit incongruous really, but also quite funny.
‘No Sir, me an’ drugs do not go together at all, no way José. I dun seen way too much destruction comin` out a Mehico caused by the ol` marchin’ powder. Feel kinda’ sorry for the whole country,` ah really do. Just kinda’ needs rescuin` from itself and the whole damn thaing. But then who’s gonna’ do that, is the question. Not their own Government, no sir, that’s for sure, cos they all up to thair damn necks in the whole thing. Ah mean you can see why, ‘cos it’s pretty much their number one natural resource, so everybody `n his cousin dun sellin` the stuff. Hell, I don’t know how y`all ever gonna` get that train stopped, it just keep on chuggin` right on down the track, faster n faster it seems. Be the only train wreck ah’d really like ta see happen, truth be told, but I sure as hell ain’t holdin’ my breath.’
They didn’t know it but Jake would have been immediately relaxed without talking about Texas or Laredo, he was one of those people who was instantly at home anywhere. Wherever he lay his hat …
The clock struck three, the warm soft chimes from the grandfather in the corridor outside keeping everybody on track with the rhythm of the day.
’Well thanks for coming in Jake. I`m pleased to say we’re about done. There`s just one last question. I want you to imagine that you`re an architect designing a new town. There is only so much land left after you’ve built all the houses and you can`t fit in all the extra amenities that people are expecting. Which of these three options would you use to address the situation?
Number one. Leave out the church and tell people they can either pray at home or organise meetings in the community centre.
Number two. Leave out the school because the nearest one is only a few miles away in the next community and readily accessible by road.
Number three. Leave out the supermarket and tell the people to move with the times and use Internet shopping and get everything they need delivered to their door’
Jake cocked his head slightly and stared off into the middle distance.
‘Well, I’d prefer mah own option, number foar. Build the church and put the school inside of it. Prayers on Saturdays, Mass on Sundays n’ tha` rast tha` tahm you got all tha` kiddies runnin` round yellin` n learnin` in the Lord’s own home, something he would surely approve of `n the little ones get to know about him at the same time.’ He fetched his hat from the coatstand on his way out, doffed it twice and bade the two elderly Brits goodbye on his way out the door, wondering all the while what kind of wacky Department he`d be joining who asked such damn fool interview questions.
He passed the striking tall Californian on his way to the exit, blissfully unaware that their paths were destined to cross again further down life’s long and winding road.
She was up next. Ahh, another Yank but from Californee this time, from the City of the Angels perhaps? Well no San Francisco actually, it`ll be in the notes I`m sure, ah yes, here it is, bit cooler up there I hear, more like British weather. Ahh, the Brits, even in a job interview the weather comes up. So, what made you want to leave home and work in England? What’s your biggest regret in life? Do you usually get your own way and what happens if you don’t? How do you cope in a room full of strangers?
’Well Caitlin, thank you for answering all of our questions so thoroughly. We`re almost finished now. But before you go there is just one final question. I want you to imagine that you`re at the seaside walking along the shoreline and you see a swimmer in distress. The person is waving frantically and may be drowning. The weather is rough and the sea looks very choppy. There`s nobody around and your cell battery is dead. Which of these three options would you use to address the situation?
Number one. Jump in and try to rescue the person yourself.
Number two. Start running to get help.
Number three. Walk on by. Nothing to do with me. Shouldn’t be out in the sea on such a wild day in the first place.’
‘I’d use the spare cell battery that I always carry with me and phone for help.’
‘What if you didn’t have it?’
‘Can I see any traffic?’
‘No.’
‘Can I see any buildings?’
‘Yes’
‘How far away?’
‘About 200 metres.’
‘Could they be inhabited?’
‘Possibly.’
‘How far out is the swimmer?’
‘About 100 metres.’
Caitlin computed out loud so that the two interviewers could follow her thought process.
‘Chances of any people being nearby in the houses, shops, cafes, whatever. Maybe fifty / fifty. Would they have phones? Almost certainly yes, somebody would. But who to ring and how long before they show up including my sprint. Probably too long. Is the person definitely in difficulties? Almost certainly yes. How long would they have? In trouble in the sea! Only minutes, maybe less. Given the situation as you described it and under that set of circumstances I would choose Option One.’
Blinky and Archie looked at each other and then down at the piece of paper. Next to answer number one was written one single word.
Fail.
Below it in smaller type and by way of explanation.
Candidate shows a predisposition to put herself at risk unnecessarily.
Unsuitable.
‘Although I do realise that that is the incorrect answer in this particular situation,’ Caitlin concluded her reasoning. ‘I happen to have some very deep core beliefs about the sanctity of human life and I believe saving a life is an honour and a privilege given only to a few. Some grasp the opportunity, others who are less fortunate will only see the danger and not the blessing. In almost any situation of that kind you have only seconds to make your decision. Then the moment is gone forever.’
In that moment she turned, and like the others earlier, gazed towards the window. But unlike them she was not in some abstract mid distance. She was actually seeing something, something real. She bit her lip and wiped her eye.
‘Bollocks’ said Blinky, under his breath.
‘Caitlin,’ he said quietly ‘Has this actually happened to you?’
She nodded. ‘Pretty much exactly like that actually. Exactly as you described. He was was only thirteen. Learning how to surf. I got him out but only just. Good job my dad gave me all those swimming lessons, huh. Plus growing up three blocks from the Ocean probably helped’.
She snuffled a bit.
‘Sorry, not very professional.’
Blinky looked down at the paperwork. He wrote something in a small neat hand at the top of the form.
Capable of selfless bravery of the highest order.
They paused for a few minutes before asking Liam to come in. The last of the six.
‘Well I’ve never had that happen before,’ said Archie while they waited.
‘In thirty odd years of interviewing. Just shows there`s always a first time for everything.’
‘Incredible,’ said Blinky, ‘would have been funny if it had happened with the astronaut story.’
Archie shot him a glance.
‘Well, no, all right then, it wouldn’t have been funny. Just bloody weird.’
He walked over to the coffee machine and punched a button. The espresso drizzled out slowly. One last shot to get through to five`o clock.
‘But what are we going to do? Our recommendations need to follow the guidelines and she’s a fail. But such an inspirational girl. I mean other than that, she breezed through.’
Archie was studying the forms.
‘Have you actually read through the guidelines in detail? I mean its five pages of bumph. I skimmed them when we went through that background document together but only briefly.’
‘Well yes, I have, of course’ Blinky replied ‘although not for a while I must admit.’
‘Maybe now might be a good time to revisit them. What do you think?’
The two men read quietly for ten minutes.
‘Here we are’ said Archie finally. ‘Right at the end. Section 5. I think that’s an unqualified yes, don’t you?’
His colleague nodded. They smiled at each other. Archie picked up his pen.
Situational awareness. 10.
High marks were common. But a ten was unheard of.
Candidate showed exceptional awareness of her own personal strengths and how to deploy them to maximum effect whilst under extreme stress and in a life-threatening situation. Also turned the interview question into a real-life example showing a high level of mental agility in a pressurised situation at the same time.
Yup. That ought to do it.
‘I do apologise for keeping you waiting Mr Dempsey’, said the pretty young blonde behind the reception desk. ‘They`re running slightly late. Shouldn’t be too long now’
Her internal phone rang a moment later and she pointed over towards the door.
’Good morning Liam. My name is Algernon Duff and this is my colleague Archie Webster. Thanks very much for coming in today …
