The Honeymoon 3

”The doctor will see you now, Miss Smith.”

I follow the smiling nurse into the office and wait for her to close the door behind her.

“Ah, Miss Smith, have a seat, please.”

My new doctor is a young man, probably not older than forty but he has a gentle smile and a calm aura, which is what I wanted when I needed to find a new doctor. Because the old one wasn’t exactly trustworthy.

“So, you’re pregnant” he states, giving me a warm smile and nodding to my growing belly.

“Congratulations. How are you feeling?”

I shrug while swallowing hard.

“Ahm, fine, I think. I read somewhere that the nausea was supposed to decrease after the first trimester but I’m still feeling queasy most of the time.”

“Yes, Miss Smith, unfortunately it’s very normal. Many women will experience nausea all throughout their pregnancy, but fortunately there are many things to help with this and I’ll prescribe some pills for you in a minute.”

The doctor nods calmly for me to continue.

“And, ahm, I have these stabbing pains in my side and lower back, I’m not sure what they are but I don’t think they’re dangerous, I mean, they don’t feel dangerous so I think it’s fine even though they hurt like a bitch.”

Doctor Varshavski – whose name I couldn’t pronounce even to save my life – smiles while nodding again.

“The stabbing pains you’re experiencing might be Braxton-Hicks contractions, or more commonly known as false labour pains. They are perfectly normal and are not an indicator for anything dangerous, rest assure.”

He smiles again and I am immediately reassured. This was the right call. This is definitely my future doctor.

“But, I would like to do an internal scan, just to check if everything is alright with the baby and to see how you’re coming along. Would that be alright, Miss Smith?”

Everything turns out to be fine. Which is a huge relief, considering I didn’t even know I was pregnant for the first eight weeks of my pregnancy. The doctor asks me if I want to know the sex of the baby but I tell him no. Not yet, anyway. Maybe later. But right now I haven’t even fully come to grips with the pregnancy itself, so I’m definitely not ready for the sex yet. My former doctor asked me too, when I had my 14 weeks scan to check for chromosome differences; told her no too, though I’m pretty sure she wrote it into my journal. Tears form in my eyes as I watch the screen in front of the doctor. That’s really my baby, isn’t it? That’s my only part of Seth. The only physical memory of him that I have.

“Miss Smith, are you okay?” Doctor Varshavski asks and I nod quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine” I reply but we both know that it’s a lie. He wipes the gel off my belly and helps me to sit up. Holding my hand in his still, he moves a bit closer to me on his rolling chair.

“Miss Smith, forgive me if I’m being too blunt here, but as your private practitioner, your welfare is my main concern. Now while it’s perfectly normal to be scared and confused while expecting your first child, it is also normal to be extra worried and concerned when expecting your first child alone. I can understand that the father isn’t in the picture?”

I almost laugh. That’s a nice way of saying it. I shake my head instead.

“Yeah, he’s.. not in the picture, as you say” I confirm and the doctor nods calmly. His hands covering mine are warm and soft, but the touch isn’t sexual at all. It’s comforting and professional. He’s probably a really good doctor, to be honest.

“I understand. But having a baby alone can be terrifying. I don’t know if you’ll be interested, but I am doing a support group for expectant mums-to-be and would like to invite you to join. It’s a mix of single mums and mums with partners, but the main focus is supporting each other through the pregnancy. I’ve been doing these groups for years and the women usually form a strong support group that follows each other for many years. It could be a good place for you to calm your fears, maybe gain some support. It’s simply an offer for you and I completely understand if you don’t want to take it, but it’s there for you whenever you want. Oh and it’s not me personally that’s hosting the groups, of course. We have a great councillor named Deidre who has a background in psychology. She’s amazing and I think you’d really like her.”

A support group for mums-to-be? At first it sounded a bit foolish but the more I think about it, the better I like the idea. He’s right. I don’t have any support during this pregnancy. Sure, my work colleagues are the best but they’re not exactly friends or a partner. I haven’t seen Seth since that day he left my apartment. That’s three months ago. In the beginning I was a bit worried with him still having they key, but he’s never used it and now it’s been so long, I doubt he still has it anyway. Chad called a few times in the beginning, desperately trying to convince me to forgive him, but I shut him down pretty hard. Sure, I could forgive if I thought he actually meant it. But he’s his father’s son. Sebastian Ellis hasn’t lived in vain. The only one I talk to every now and then is Owen. Yeah, surprise, I know. But I’ve had lunch with him twice, nothing fancy, just lunch and chat. He’s been asking me how I am and how the pregnancy is coming along, seeming to genuinely care about me, which is kinda nice when I don’t have anyone else to care about me right now. Owen even offered to go to the doctor’s with me, but I declined. Bringing my ex husband to a doctor’s appointment about a pregnancy with my ex boyfriend? Yeah, no, that would have been to freaking weird. And can you imagine the gossip if someone recognised me or Owen? No, I didn’t want that. But it was nice of him to offer.

“A support group sounds nice. Where do I sign up?”