THE SWINGERS; Book One The Reluctant Swinger

The Boss

Friday afternoons are the best. Friday afternoons mean that my work week is coming to an end, and soon I would join a few of my colleagues as we celebrated our freedom at the pub across the road. Just as I started packing away the files, my mobile phone rang. I glanced at the name; Gorgeous. It was my darling wife, so I answered, “Hi Maddie.”

“Hey Brett, I know it’s Friday and you normally have drinks after work, but I want you home early because I invited Chrissy and Calvin over.”

“Sure, no problem.”

My wife Maddie was a beauty. We’ve been married for six years, and those six years have been the best years of my life. Maddie was intelligent and sociable, and while she could be volatile and unpredictable, she was very attractive, and her striking looks softened the impact of her negative traits. Me and Maddie lived in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs, and if you ever hear people from the eastern suburbs saying, Gee, that guy sure is punching above his weight … they might be talking about me, because in boxing parlance, Maddie was about three divisions higher than me. Don’t get me wrong though, I wasn’t repulsive or offensive looking, I mean most of the girls I’d dated would say, Yeah, you’re a cutie, or, You’ve got gorgeous blue eyes, or, Hey, you wanta get a room? But with her Fashion-Magazine-Cover face and her Erotic-Website body, my wife was at least three divisions higher than me. I usually did whatever Maddie asked me to do, because unfortunately, she knew that she was three divisions above me as well. Maddie basically controlled our lives; she made all the decisions, and she organised our social calendar, because she liked to be the Boss.

And she was good at it.

One time I flirted with the idea of changing her title in my mobile phone from Gorgeous to Boss, but after giving it further consideration, I decided to stick with Gorgeous, because she was gorgeous. And besides, if I did change her title to Boss, there could be repercussions. We both knew that she was The Boss, and from her point of view, that meant that she could scroll through my phone whenever she wanted, and if she saw that I changed her title, she would probably bellow, You changed my name from Gorgeous to Boss? What the fuck! A few months after we got married, I saw her skipping through my phone one night, and I asked, What are you doing? She replied, We’re partners, we’re married, so everything that you have is now mine as well. Slightly pissed off, I said, I don’t go looking through your phone. She glared at me and said threateningly, If you did, I would fucking kill you! And yes, that incident does give you an insight into the Volatile part of her nature. I remember saying to her at the time, Hey, how about we make a rule that neither of us looks at the other one’s phone? She stomped up to me and yelled, Okay, that’s it, I want a divorce! And yes, that is the Unpredictable part of her nature coming out to play. I remember being stunned at the time, because I adored her and treated her like a Queen, so I spluttered, No way, we’re not getting divorced, because I love you! Her attitude softened immediately, then she said, How about this; let’s compromise and make a rule, and the rule will be that I can look at your phone whenever I want, but if you even come within ten feet of my phone, I will ring the divorce lawyer straight away. I came to learn very quickly that when you punch above your allotted weight division, you need to make frequent compromises, and the compromises were never equitable to both partners.

All the same, I felt proud that I was married to her, and whenever we went out, I could hear people whisper, Ohhh look, there’s Maddie and her husband. People never said, There’s Maddie and Brett, because another consequence of marrying someone who was above my social status was that I was always identified under her banner, Ohhh yes, it is Maddie and her husband!

Maddie was a stunning looking woman, and she knew it. Her head-turning looks had helped her develop into a super confident young woman, yet it also instilled in her the desire to be the Boss. Maddie did have a few minor character flaws, the main one being that she liked to hang around with people who she considered were inferior to her (or get married to someone that she Knew was inferior to her) because she liked to feel superior. I knew that I was punching above my weight, yet I suspected that my gorgeous wife thought that she was punching-below-her-weight with everyone we knew. It didn’t matter to me, because if Maddie was happy, I was happy. The phone call had aroused my interest though, because it seemed like the new girl at her work, Chrissy, was her latest project. As a couple, we outshone Chrissy and her partner in every way. We were paying off a nice house, Chrissy and Calvin were renting a small unit. We both had nice cars, Chrissy and Calvin only had one car, a ten-year-old Mazda; and indeed, Maddie had started picking Chrissy up and taking her to work.

Maddie was strikingly attractive, and possibly the best description of Chrissy would be cute. Maddie had a head-turning figure, while Chrissy was petite. I’d only met Chrissy twice, and both meetings were little more than pleasant greetings and farewells; yet with her elfin features and petite body, Chrissy seemed like a little Fairy, you know, the kind of little Fairy who flutters her way through the Enchanted Forest spreading goodwill. Her husband Calvin was a shy kind of guy, and trying to be kind to him, Calvin was a bit plain, but his plainness was the reason why Maddie liked him. Maddie could strut around knowing that she was more attractive than Chrissy, and she also knew that her husband was better than Chrissy’s husband, and she also suspected that we lived in a house that they probably dreamt about.

Is my wife vain? Yeah, she is. As far as vanity goes, on a scale of One-to-Ten, Maddie is much closer to the Ten than she is to the One. Is she arrogant? When she’s not around, I can say yes. Is she stuck-up? Hmmm, not sure; whatever it is that is in between stuck-up and not stuck-up, that’s what she was.

We did have drinks on the Friday night, and Maddie instigated and controlled the direction of all the discussions, and that was okay, because she was happy. Chrissy and Calvin were both quiet and shy, and they only really spoke to answer questions. Chrissy and Calvin were ideal guests for Maddie, because she loved being the dominant person in a group. She could air her views on whatever topics she chose, knowing that our guests would be too timid to interrupt her or disagree with her. My wife shone brightest when she was the focus of everybody’s attention, and because Maddie was shining brightly on this night, I suspected that we would be seeing more of our shy new friends.

As the night wound to a close, we saw them out. Glowing with conceited superiority, Maddie said, “We’re having a small get together tomorrow night, just a dozen or so people; you guys wanta come?”

Chrissy blushed, then she muttered, “I’m sorry, but we have plans.”

Maddie was surprised. “Ohhh, what are you doing?”

“We’ve got a swinger’s club thing happening.” Chrissy replied.

Chrissy was so quiet that you had to concentrate when she spoke, but I was sure I heard her say Swinger’s Club.

Maddie must have heard it too, because she crinkled her nose in confusion and asked, “Sorry?”

Chrissy was blushing, so Calvin stepped in and said timidly, “Yeah, we’re kinda committed.”

Silence fell over us, and I’d been with Maddie for eight years, and I wasn’t used to silence, so I mumbled, “Yeah, where is it?”

“Ummm, Boronia.” the still blushing Chrissy replied.

“Okay, but if you want to drop in before or after, the invite is still open.” I said brightly.

“Arhhh, these things tend to go all night.” Calvin said meekly.

Yeah? What things? I wondered.

We watched them walk away and hop into the ten-year-old Mazda, then Maddie turned to me and asked suspiciously, “Did you spike my drinks?”

“What?”

She shook her head in bemusement as she said, “Maybe I had one drink too many, because I thought I heard her say, Swinger’s Club.”

“Yeah, that’s what I heard.”

She shrugged her shoulders and asked, “Help me here Brett, what’s a Swinger’s Club?”

“Isn’t that where couples go to, ummm, you know, meet other people?”

“Well that’s the first thing that I thought of, but no, Chrissy and Calvin; no way!”

“She’s pretty quiet, so maybe we just miss-heard her.”

“Yeah obviously; I mean Chrissy is like a shy little doll, and she is so modest that she never wears a low-cut top to work, and all her skirts fall below her knees, so I’m guessing that she wouldn’t even know what that kind of Swinger’s Club is.”

Ohhh, good … an opportunity for me to play my allotted role, because my role in this relationship was to agree with everything my wife said. Maddie shone brightest when everyone’s focus was on her, and I avoided confrontations when I performed my role effectively. I nodded my head and said, “You’re probably right.”

“I am right!” Maddie declared. “I mean I asked her the other day, Are you guys thinking about starting a family? And she said, No, not at the moment, and I thought, Good! Because she’s so shy, I couldn’t imagine her being game enough to undress in front of anyone, even her husband; and him, well he’s so timid, he wouldn’t know what to do if she did get undressed!”

She stared at me, seemingly waiting for a response, so I stepped up to the plate and said, “You’re probably right.”

Agreeing with everything she said usually brought discussions to a close, although her mind was ticking over. “And what did you ask her? Where is it?” she questioned, glaring at me. “You wanta go do you? You wanta go to the Swingers Club with blushing Chrissy and timid Calvin?”

Damn … A question that I couldn’t agree to, so I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “Somebody had to say something.”

“And she probably didn’t even say Swingers Club, or if she did, maybe it’s some kind of dance club for the meek and timid.”

After being with Maddie for eight years, I knew my role, so I nodded my head and muttered, “Yeah, what you’re saying makes sense.”

*

At our little get together on the Saturday night, Maddie strutted and preened before our guests, and gee, she was good at strutting and preening; although she seemed wound up as she asked me, “Have you heard from Chrissy or Calvin?”

“No, but they were going to the other thing, weren’t they?”

“Why wouldn’t she want to come here instead of going to some dance club for losers?”

“Ummm, maybe you can ask her on Monday.”

“What the fuck Brett,” Maddie whined, “If I invite somebody to come here, I expect them to show up.”

“They had the other commitment, so …”

“Fuck that,” Maddie snorted, “I wanted to show Chrissy that we have really cool and trendy friends, because her friends are probably all shy dimwits like her and Calvin.”

I was tempted to say that if she regarded Chrissy and Calvin as shy dimwits, why did she want to be friends with them; but no, I knew my place. I asked curiously, “You’re having a good time, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, mostly, but that little bitch is disrespecting me!” Maddie snapped. “If I invite someone to come here, I expect them to forget about everything else and respect my wishes.”

I gummed my lips together reflectively, because unfortunately, I suspected that Chrissy might be in for a verbal haranguing at work on Monday; What the fuck Chrissy; are you disrespecting me? You shy little dimwit!

*

On Sunday morning I found Maddie on the computer, so I asked, “Whatchya doing?”

“I’m looking up Swinger’s Clubs, and Brett, they’re fuck-houses, meeting places for people to go and fuck complete strangers!”

“Didn’t we decide that we must have miss-heard her?”

“That’s exactly it, You did miss-hear her! It’s just your dirty mind conjuring up fantasies!”

“No Madd, I wasn’t conjuring.”

“Yes you were! You were thinking, ohhhh, I’m fantasizing about shy and modest little Chrissy going to Swinger’s Clubs and getting fucked by everyone!”

“No, I wasn’t.”

She glared at me and said aggressively, “You pervert! What other friends of mine do you fantasize about?”

Jesus, what a great way to start a Sunday … “I only fantasize about you.” I muttered.

“And Chrissy!” she bellowed. “And it’s so fucking perverted, because she’s so modest and virtuous, that she’s almost like a nun!”

“Maddie, I don’t even think about-”

“This is the nun fantasy isn’t it?” she interrupted, “Defrocking the un-frocked, deflowering the untouched petal?”

“Madd, this is stupid!”

“Stupid is it? You asked her where it was!” she boomed. “God, after eight years together, I finally find out who you really are!”

I’d had quite a few drinks the previous night, and the consequence of my slight over-indulgence meant that I had a mild headache, and this stupid conversation was making me flustered, so I protested meekly, “Madd, no, I’m not really me.”

Steam was coming out of her ears, but after being with her for eight years, I had become an expert in losing arguments, so I called upon my skills. “Madd, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.”

“Too right it is, pervert!”

“I’m to blame.”

“I know.”

“Can you ever forgive me?”

Maddie stared at me for a moment, turned her nose up, then huffed, “I’ll think about it.”