INTRODUCTION
Life. It is the most difficult thing in the world to deal with. You can have everything at one moment and then nothing the next. Ha. High School is the worst of it all. Everyone says, “College is worse and everything just gets harder after High School,” but I don’t believe them. How can anything be worse than this? Losing everything. I used to be the most popular kid in school, I used to have all my friends, and I used to be STRAIGHT. Life got so much harder when I came out. I started to like people I would never have a chance with. I started to hate other people just because they had someone to be with.
My name is William Matt Singer and this is my story. I am eighteen and I live in North Yinland. This is the story of how I ruined my life. If you are reading this, then you are one of the survivors. You will find out what I mean as I get to the end of this story, but if you did not find a copy of this in your locker earlier today, then you should not be reading this.
If you are still reading this, then it is clear you have found this in your locker or you are just going to ignore what I am saying. Whatever, anyway here goes.
It all started two years ago when I came out. It was a normal day, March 7th, to be exact and I was feeling upset.
As I looked around the school at all my friends, all the geeks and weirdos, and at all the jocks, I could not stop thinking to myself, why? Everyone had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and they were all so happy together. Everyone had someone to be with. Whether they were one of my theatre friends, jocks, and cheerleaders, or the geeks that spend most of their time studying. I just felt so alone.
“Guys,” I said to my friends sitting at my table, “why don’t I have someone to be with?”
“Cause you got no game man.” My best friend Tim Bennett said.
“I do too!” Later that day I went to gym class and we had to go outside to the track and walk our daily four laps. I started walking with Tim Bennett and Anthony Butler, my two best friends. We made it around the track three times before we got stuck behind Emily Watson and Jasmine Owens. Tim could not stop staring at Emily’s ass. He decided it would be a good idea to talk to Anthony and I about it.
“So, are you guys more of ass guys or boobs guys?” Tim asked Anthony and me.
“I’m more of a boob guy. What about you?” Anthony responded.
“Ass.” They both turned to me and I immediately knew what they were going to ask me.
“What about you Will?” They both asked.
“Well… I….” I stuttered.
“What are you gay?” Tim asked.
After much hesitation, I responded, “Yes.” I just wanted to get it off my chest and let someone know.
“What?”
“I’m gay.”
“No, you’re not. Stop messing with us.” Tim did not believe me. He thought I was lying just so I would not have to answer his ridiculous question. Anthony and Tim turned and looked at me. I just stopped walking and stared at them. I could see in their faces that they finally understood I was not lying. “Really? I never knew.”
“You couldn’t tell?” Anthony sarcastically remarks.
“Thanks,” I commented. We continued to walk the track and we finished up gym. Tim and Anthony watched me as I packed up and they changed making sure that I was not checking them out.
I eventually left school and knew the next step was to tell my closest friends and then my family. I decided not to do it that day, I thought let’s wait a bit and hope that nothing happens. Boy, was I wrong. After telling just two of my friends, apparently, my whole school knew. I kept getting stopped in the hallway being asked about it. Why people are so interested in the one gay kid at our school, I may never know.
The next day, I went to lunch and started to notice some things. Now, that everyone knew I was gay, I did not have to hide myself, nor hide the fact that I was checking guys out. I started to look around at lunch and I didn’t fully recognize the people sitting next to me or even at the table next to mine. All I saw were a bunch of HOT white jocks, CUTE geeks, and UGLY weirdos.
I could not even look at some of my best friends the same way. All I could think of them as were muscular pieces of meat. I looked at them and all I could think of was what it would be like to date them. Especially the hottest guys in my school. All I could think was, ‘Why are all the hot guys STRAIGHT?’
Life continued to just deteriorate after that moment. People would continue to ask me if there was a guy I liked and I had to eventually tell my family I was gay. The time came for me to tell them. I tried and I tried, but every time I got close, I threw up. I ended up texting my direct family in a group chat while I was at school.
I did not get a response. My family is known for always being on their phones, so when no one responded I knew that there was something wrong. The suspense was killing me. Until suddenly, I got a text. In the group chat my brother was the only one to respond. He said, “We love you no matter what and we accept you for who you are.”
I do love my brother, but he does not speak for my entire family. I continued to wait for a response from either of my parents and my sister throughout the school day. I waited and waited and waited. NOTHING. Not a single word, space, or even emoji. I knew it, my life was over.
I went home and started to do my homework. My father and mother were already home from work and called me into my dad’s office. I walked in and was immediately grabbed by my mother and hugged to near death. “Of course we love and accept you for who you are.” That is all I heard my parents say. After that, they told me to go do my homework and life went on.
For the next couple of days life went on as usual. Me having friends, being popular, but now I was out as gay. Everyone in my school that had friends that were gay outside of my school continuously tried to set me up. Yes, I was a little upset I did not have someone to be with, but NO I do not need my friends thinking that I am some incompetent person that cannot find a boyfriend for myself!
I went to lunch as usual and sat down at my table with my lunch. Everyone was staring at me, and I mean EVERYONE. Not just people at my table, but everyone in the whole cafeteria were watching me like I was some sort of alien. I thought to myself, ‘What the hell is going on? Why is everyone staring at me? Judging me?’ I could not figure out why they were so intrigued.
I sat down and started to eat my lunch. Everyone was so busy watching me that my friends were not even talking to me. I put on my headphones, took out my phone, listened to some music, and played some games while I quietly ate my lunch.
Next, I went back to gym and went over to Tim and Anthony in the locker room. As I walked over they rushed to be completely dressed before I got to them. As I walked to them, I saw everyone was staring at me again. I thought, ‘What the FUCK is going on here? Why does everyone in this school all of a sudden think I am some sort of alien or other life form?’ I still could not place it. We walked out to the track and started our laps. I stepped over to Tim and Anthony and asked them, “Do you know why everyone is staring at me?”
“Because people heard that you like Harry,” Tim whispered.
“WHAT!!??” I screamed. I looked around and everyone was staring at me again. “What?” I whispered.
“Well, don’t you? Don’t worry I won’t tell. I’m not really friends with him.”
“I don’t know.” I looked over to Harry, who was walking on the other side of Tim and Anthony. He looked angry or something. I didn’t know what I did. “I mean he’s hot, but I don’t know if I like him.”
“OK, don’t tell us,” Tim responded angrily.
“Wha...Wha...I...” I stuttered. I just stopped talking to Tim for the time being and went over to Harry. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”
“What the fuck do you want?!” Harry responded obnoxiously.
“Woah. Why are you so pissed at me?”
“Why didn’t you just tell me you liked me? I thought we were friends. Instead, I have to hear it through the nerd vine? What the hell man?”
“OK, first of all, I never said I liked you. I don’t really know where people are getting this idea. I mean you are hot, but I don’t know.”
“Hold up. You think I’m hot?”
“Well, yeah. You are.”
“Well, I’m flattered, but I am NOT gay.”
“I know, but that doesn’t stop me from liking you. FUCK! Why did I just say that?”
“Aha. So, you do like me.”
“Yes, I do. OK. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”
“Quite.” I ran ahead of all my friends and finished my laps so I could go and change in the locker room. I walked into the room and started to get changed as fast as I could. I looked up from putting on my pants to see none other than Harry standing in front of me bending over. I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the locker room. All I could hear behind me as I left was Harry dying of laughter.
As I got out of the locker room, Tim and Anthony came over to me and asked why Harry was laughing in the locker room. I told them the whole story about him and they started dying. I glared at them until they stopped laughing, Tim proceeded to say, “So, you DO like Harry.”
“YES. OK.” Tim and Anthony started laughing again. I couldn’t stand it anymore and decked Tim in the face. He fell to the floor unconscious. I immediately regretted my decision and tried to wake him up. After the next twenty minutes, Harry walked over took out his dirty sock and shoved it in Tim’s face. Tim popped up like a balloon exploding. Harry took his disgusting sock and backed up from Tim.
I started to walk down the hall and noticed that everyone was covering their mouths like it smelt. I did not smell anything. I asked my friend who was walking next to me, “What is everyone smelling?”
“It’s your backpack. It smells like an old gym sock.” I looked and looked through my bag to see if I could find something, but I was unable to find where the smell was coming from. I walked home after school ended and then I could not stop smelling the old sock. Where could it be? I kept searching and searching and eventually I found it. ‘Why would Harry put his disgusting, dirty gym sock in my backpack?’ I thought to myself. I was about to throw it away, but then I noticed there was something inside it. I opened the sock and found a rolled up piece of paper.
After a bit of a struggle I finally got the paper open and read the note, “Will, ever since you told me that you liked me, I could not stop thinking about you. We have been friends for over ten years and I do not know why you did not tell me that you had feelings for me. I have not told anyone this, but I love you.”
‘What the hell? Why didn’t he tell me?’ I thought to myself.
I continued to read the letter, “I cannot stop thinking about you. You are in my mind all of the time, during school, at home, in my dreams. I need you. I want you. Please call me.”
I could not believe what I was reading. I called Harry and talked to him. “What is going on Harry? Is this letter really from you?”
“Let’s talk tomorrow. Come to my table at lunch.”
“OK.” I hung up and started thinking that he was pranking me, or was he actually in love with me? I tried to get some sleep but could not stop thinking of Harry. My alarm went off at six in the morning and I had gotten no sleep. I got up, got dressed, and drove to school. When I got to school I went through my first couple of classes; Choir, History, and Genocide. After three periods, I finally got to go to lunch. I grabbed my lunch and sat down at my table. I stood up and walked over to Harry.
Harry stood up and lead me over to the corner of the room. “Hey.” He said.
“Hi? Is there any reason that we are in the corner of the cafeteria?”
“Because I did not want everyone to see this.” Harry kissed me. I opened my eyes from the kiss and saw everyone staring at us.
“I don’t think you did a very good job at hiding it.” Harry looked around and laughed.
“Yes, I’m gay and I’m in love with Will!” He yelled. Everyone in the cafeteria gasped. “I got to get back to lunch. Call me.” I returned to my table and for the millionth time, everyone was staring at me.
“What?” I asked my table.
“What do you mean what? Harry just kissed you.” Tim responded.
“And?”
“You think he is hot, you like him, and he is in love with you.” I cannot remember anything else that Tim said because I was not listening anymore. I continued to ignore Tim and finished eating my lunch and walked to gym class. As I walked around the track for the millionth time Harry walked up to me and asked if he could talk to me. We walked off to the side of the track.
“What Harry?” I asked. Instead of responding, Harry just kissed me. I pushed him away and asked, “What the fuck is going on here? Why don’t you just talk to me instead of kissing me?”
“I love you Will. Didn’t you get my letter? The one in the sock?”
“Yes, but I thought you were just messing with me.”
“No, I love you.” And with that note, I blacked out. I do not remember much that happened after that. When I finally got woke up, we were both in my room and he was standing by my bedside looking over me holding flowers.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You don’t remember? You must’ve blacked out. I brought you home and got you flowers.”
“Thank you.” He sat down next to me and I sat up. I could see the love and concern in his eyes for me. I don’t know if it was the fact that I still couldn’t believe this was happening or the fact that I could not handle it.
“It is getting late, I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow cutie, but before I do I have a question for you.”
“Yes?”
“Will you be my boyfriend?”
“Yes.” What the hell was going on here, was I dreaming? Harry left and I was left alone in my room with nothing but the flowers Harry brought me. I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking of what Harry said. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
The next day finally came. It was Friday. The last day of the week. I thought I was actually going to escape the annoying high schoolers who think having a gay kid in school is the most interesting thing ever. As I walked in the front door of the school, I ran into Harry.
He pulled me aside and brought me to a corner near the bathroom. I did not know what was happening. Why was he doing this? Did he indeed like me or was he going deep into his prank work? I decided to go with it and ignored the voices in my head saying that he is lying to me. Harry kissed me and I kissed him back.
We started walking down the hall to my first class holding hands. I finally had a boyfriend. For the first time in forever, I felt safe and actually comfortable with the person I was with. I felt wanted. I left Harry to go to my first couple of classes and we met up at lunch.
After around five minutes of trying to figure out where we were going to sit, we finally decided to sit at a table in between my friends and Harry’s. We started to eat until we got confronted about our relationship by the school bully, Ross. Ross was the biggest asshole in our school. He came over to us and started to bully me over the fact that I am gay. I swear to god if I had to listen to him annoy me about me being gay for another time, then I was going to blow his goddamn head off. Instead, this time Harry yelled at him and he shut up.
After school that day I had rehearsal for our musical. I went to rehearsal and started to sing. It wasn’t until I got halfway through my song when Ross walked in. He was there to practice his solo as well. He decided to interrupt my song and talk to me. “Hey Will, you practicing your gay little song?”
“Shut the fuck up Ross, I’m trying to rehearse.” For the next hour, he would not stop talking and he would not let me rehearse. It was after the next two hours when I finally gave up. I could not take it anymore. I took my binder and hit him in the face with it. He fell to the ground unconscious. What did I just do? Mr. Wilbur could not find him like this. He would have killed me.
I knew what I had to do. I took the body and wrapped it up in a garbage bag and put it in my car. I started to drive, and I knew exactly where to go. I drove to the abandoned warehouse on the intersection of Seventy-Third Street and Fifth Avenue.
As I broke my way into the warehouse, I did not think anyone would be inside, but for some reason there was around twenty people. What the hell was going on? It seemed to be some sort of cult because it looked like they were doing a ritual with a goat sacrifice. I stood there astonished while I waited for them to finish and leave. After they left, I took Ross’s body out of the car and into the storage room of the warehouse. I locked him in the cage and proceeded to prepare the tools.
