Astrid Dime and the Two Wild Cats

Astrid Dime and the Two Wild Cats

A Fairy Tale

by -UnstableRamen

Once upon a time there was a unstable girl called Astrid Dime. She was on the way to see her Father Christopher Dime, when she decided to take a short cut through Kensington Gardens.

It wasn’t long before Astrid got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favorite toy, Mr Teddy, but Mr Teddy was nowhere to be found! Astrid began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Mr Teddy. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, she saw a Wild cat dressed in a Black Skirt disappearing into the trees.

“How odd!” thought Astrid.

For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed cat. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Astrid reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from Carrots, one made from biscuits and one made from doughnuts.

Astrid could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.

“Hello!” she called. “Is anybody there?”

Nobody replied.

Astrid looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else’s chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Astrid a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Mr Teddy!

“Mr Teddy!” shouted Astrid. She turned to the witch. “That’s my toy!”

The witch just shrugged.

“Give Mr Teddy back!” cried Astrid.

“Not on your Nelly!” said the witch.

“At least let Mr Teddy out of that cage!”

Before she could reply, two Wild cats rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Astrid recognized the one in the Black Skirt that she’d seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognize him too.

“Hello Big Cat,” said the witch.

“Good morning.” The cat noticed Mr Teddy. “Who is this?”

“That’s Mr Teddy,” explained the witch.

“Ooh! Mr Teddy would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!” demanded the cat.

The witch shook her head. “Mr Teddy is staying with me.”

“Um... Excuse me...” Astrid interrupted. “Mr Teddy lives with me! And not in a cage!”

Big Cat ignored her. “Is there nothing you’ll trade?” he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, “I do like to be entertained. I’ll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door.”

Big Cat looked at the house made from doughnuts and said, “No problem, I could eat an entire house made from doughnuts if I wanted to.”

“That’s nothing,” said the next cat. “I could eat two houses.”

“There’s no need to show off,” said the witch. Just eat one front door and I’ll let you have Mr Teddy.”

Astrid watched, feeling very worried. She didn’t want the witch to give Mr Teddy to Big Cat. She didn’t think Mr Teddy would like living with a Wild cat, away from her house and all her other toys.

The other one cats watched while Big Cat put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Big Cat. “Just you watch!”

Big Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from biscuits. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Cat started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of biscuits, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

“Erm... I don’t feel too good,” said Big Cat.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He’d grown so round that he could no longer balance!

“Help!” he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Cat never finished eating the front door made from biscuits and Mr Teddy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.

Average Cat stepped up, and approached the house made from doughnuts.

“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Average Cat. “Just you watch!”

Average Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from doughnuts. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Cat started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. “What’s this bush doing here?” he asked.

“I’m not a bush, I’m a cat!” said Average Cat.

“It talks!” exclaimed the woodcutter. “Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I’d better take it away before somebody gets hurt.”

“No! Wait!” cried Average Cat, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the cat away under his arm.

Average Cat never finished eating the front door made from doughnuts and Mr Teddy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.

“That’s it,” said the witch. “I win. I get to keep Mr Teddy.”

“Not so fast,” said Astrid. “There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from Carrots. And I haven’t had a turn yet.

“I don’t have to give you a turn!” laughed the witch. “My game. My rules.”

The woodcutter’s voice carried through the forest. “I think you should give her a chance. It’s only fair.”

“Fine,” said the witch. “But you saw what happened to the cats. She won’t last long.”

“I’ll be right back,” said Astrid.

“What?” said the witch. “Where’s your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Mr Teddy back.”

Astrid ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from Carrots and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.

Astrid sat down on a nearby log.

“You fail!” cackled the witch. “You were supposed to eat the whole door.”

“I haven’t finished,” explained Astrid. “I am just waiting for my food to go down.”

When Astrid’s food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from Carrots. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Astrid was down to the final piece of the door made from Carrots. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Astrid had eaten the entire front door of the house made from Carrots.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. “You must have tricked me!” she said. “I don’t reward cheating!”

“I don’t think so!” said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. “This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Mr Teddy or I will chop your broomstick in half.”

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Astrid hurried over and grabbed Mr Teddy, checking that her favorite toy was all right. Fortunately, Mr Teddy was unharmed.

Astrid thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Christopher. It was starting to get dark.

When Astrid got to Christopher’s house, her Father threw his arms around her.

“I was so worried!” cried Christopher. “You are very late.”

As Astrid described her day, she could tell that Christopher didn’t believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.

“What’s that?” asked Christopher.

Astrid unwrapped a doorknob made from biscuits. “Pudding!” she said.

Christopher almost fell off his chair.