Do you remember my first day of school in Sweden?
It was such an exciting day for all of us, but mostly for you. My brother Charlie and I had our bags packed while we waited for the bus to come and pick us up. I was sitting there feeling anxious and excited for that bus, almost like I was in line for a big roller coaster at an amusement park. When the bus arrived at our house, you took my brother and I’s hands and walked us down the long, wooden staircase to the street. I hated that staircase because beneath it were black spiders and other bugs that I did not like. It was like my worries and fears were staring at me from the dark, hidden abyss. However, when you took my hand, I wasn’t afraid of them anymore. When my brother and I went into the big white bus, I turned to look out the window and there you were, waving until every bone and muscle in your arm ached. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember when Charlie and I would draw you pictures, and no matter what they were or how bad they were, you would hang them up in the attic?
That attic was the bane of our existence. It was a lofty room with wooden everything; wooden beams, doors, chairs, desks, you name it, it was wooden. If one glowing, red ash fell in that attic, the whole house would ignite in a blaze of glory, but it did not matter to you. You made sure to recognize each and every picture my brother and I gave you, hanging them up for the whole world of dust mites to see. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember all the times we played in the pool together?
The water was so calm you could see each tiny ripple the gusts of wind created. The sun was always smiling at us, as if to say hello. The pavement was white and smooth but with some cracks in it, soaking up the sun like a sponge soaks up water. We had so many great memories at that pool, whether it was who could make the biggest splash, or who had the best jump. The best part about that pool was how peaceful it was. The sound of the ocean swaying and kids playing on the beach could put one right to sleep. The sound of palm trees rattling every time a bird landed on it was music to our ears. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember the time you pushed me on the swings and I felt I could fly like Superman?
It was a cold November day with a sky as clear as glass. The sky was like cotton candy you get from a fair; pink and blue with hints of the yellow sun. I was wearing my baby blue sweatshirt with my gray sweatpants that I loved, and on my feet I wore my bright white shoes, the ones Mom would always tell me not to get dirty. You had on your classic “Tata” outfit; a black jacket, khaki pants, and your brown loafers. I got on the swings and you pushed me up and down until Mom said I was going too high up. I got off of the swings, you held my hand, and we walked back home together. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember my first trip to Disney World?
We got off of our plane at the Orlando Airport and made our way towards the Disney bus shuttles. There was such a sense of anxiety, but mainly joy that I was going to Disney World. We went to sit at the seating area of the bus shuttle, but I could not sit. I was bouncing up and down in excitement. Once the bus came, you took my hand and we entered the bus together.
The bus was of average size, but you could not mistake it for anything other than a Disney bus. On all sides of the bus were characters from all Disney movies, from Mickey Mouse to Cinderella, you name a Disney character, it was there. The bus driver was very welcoming to each and every guest on the bus, greeting us with a “Who is excited for Disney?” The bus was nice and spacious inside, with a nice draft of cool air coming in. The sounds of kids yelling in excitement was so loud it could break your eardrums, but I didn’t mind. I was one of those kids, exploding inside of excitement dying to experience the magic myself. There was no better feeling than seeing the “Welcome to Disney World” sign outside of the park.
Arriving at the Polynesian Resort, the sense of anxiety and being overwhelmed flew right away. The receptionists of the resort greeted us with an “Aloha,” and gave us leis to wear around our neck. You gave me yours to wear because you knew how much I loved them. Later that night, we went to the Luau, which was one of the best times of my life. You sat next to me and kept me entertained before the show started. The food there was family style so there was plenty of ribs, pork, and rice, but you gave me some of yours because you knew how much I loved that food. Halfway through the show, they ask people to come on stage and do a dance with them. Being the outgoing and courageous kid I was, I went out there and danced with them. You had a smile on your face from cheek to cheek, which made me want to do it even more.
The day we went to the park, which was one of the most magical moments of my life. There were so many people waiting for the gates to open, just like souls waiting for the gates of Paradise to open. At the moment in time, those gates were the gates to a magical paradise. As we entered, there was such a strong smell of popcorn and candy. There was loud music playing, which added onto the excitement. You loved pushing me in the stroller because it made me happy. Even if your feet and legs were aching from walking and pushing all day, you made sure I had the most magical time of my life. I loved going on the “It’s a Small World” ride with you because we had so much fun together on that ride. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember the time you covered a paper tree in your underwear? I wish I was there to see that, but from what I hear, it was quite the spectacle.
You and Mimi were flying back to Florida after visiting us in Sweden. You were usually pushed in a wheelchair at the airport, so you and Mimi were able to go into a separate line for baggage checking and the TSA security. You got to the line and did the usual, put any electronics and your wallet into a bin and take your shoes off. It was always such a hassle for you to go through the metal detector ever since you got your knee surgery. Your metal plate in your knee would always go off, and they would have to check you again. Once you passed the metal detector, you were waiting for your bag, when it went off in the scan.
After putting your shoes on, you walked back to your bag and they asked you to unpack it. After pulling out the typical things in a bag like clothes, books, and things like that, you pulled out something that made everyone laugh in curiosity and confusion. You pulled out a paper tree sculpture that was wrapped in your underwear. I wish I was there to see the faces of everyone there. Mimi was laughing, but mostly in embarrassment. I can only imagine that the TSA worker was smiling and laughing, because I have a feeling it is not very common for someone to wrap something in their underwear. After they found your swiss army knife in your bag, they had you pack your bag up and sent you on your merry way. I always wanted to know why you didn’t wrap it in wrapping paper or even a newspaper, but I will never know. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember the day you were sent to the hospital, and the last time I saw you?
It was a September morning, cold but with a clear sky. I woke up and went downstairs to eat breakfast before going to school. There were still birthday decorations on the table from your birthday that happened a few days prior. After I ate my breakfast, I got changed and headed to school. The school day was a normal one, but I wish I knew what would lie ahead of me. When I came back from school you said hello to me and gave me a hug. I had a small snack in the kitchen, and you sat and drank your Coke with me.
That day was Parent Teacher Conference day at my school, so Mom left in the evening after dinner. I came downstairs and saw you laying down on the couch. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it because that is what you would normally do. Next thing you know, we were having an argument. I don’t remember what it was about, but I do know that it was over something stupid that did not need an argument. After being mad, I stomped upstairs and forgot about the situation. Little did I know, that argument was the last thing I was ever going to be able to say to you.
An hour later, I could hear the sound of sirens echoing closer and closer to me, until it was all I could hear. I looked out of the dining room window, and saw an ambulance and a fire truck. I thought nothing of it until there was a knock on the front door and my heart sank. A tiny piece of my being left me, and there was nothing to fill that void with.
The EMS entered from our garage and they checked your vitals. I didn’t go down to see you because I was too scared to see you like that. Once they took you away, I sat in my room and waited for Mom to come home. I didn’t know what to think or say or do, but I had an engrossing sense of self guilt. Why didn’t I go downstairs and say goodbye? Why did I argue with you, and not apologize immediately after? Why didn’t I give you the biggest hug and tell you everything is going to be okay? Once Mom arrived, I asked her what happened, and she told me you were going to be okay and that you will come home soon. I sat in my bed and looked at the dark abyss of the night sky and prayed that everything would be okay. Do you remember that, I sure do.
Do you remember the day you left Earth and entered the pearly white gates of Heaven above?
It was the third day of your hospitalization and I still had not visited you. It was probably best that I had not visited because a dying loved one can be scary and detrimental to a young kid. That day was full of fun activities to distract me from what was happening to you. The day started off like a normal day; I woke up, ate breakfast and played video games. In the late morning, I went bowling with Jordan. The alley was pretty empty which made sense because it was 11:00 am on a saturday. The worker at the counter gave us our shoes and we made our way to our designated bowling lane. Jordan was great. She let me win everytime and kept me happy while you were dying.
Later that day, I went to Lucas’s house. They had a nicely sized house with a big driveway and a nice yard. As I entered the house I was greeted with a hug and it made me feel a little better. Me and Lucas went downstairs and played with LEGOs for a bit. He had so many LEGOs in his room that we could build a mansion. Later that day, we played outside and shot soda cans with a bow and arrow, which was one of my favorite things to do at his house.
That night, Lucas’s neighbors were having a neighborhood party, so we went. The house was nicely decorated and the walls were bright white and yellow. We went to their basement and played some games. One of the games we played was pool. It was the first time I had ever played before, so it was new and fun. The excitement of playing games and meeting new people was a good distraction, and I was starting to enjoy myself.
It was around 9:00 pm and Dad was there to pick me and Charlie up from the party. We got in the car and I heard those three words I would remember for the rest of my life, “Tata passed away.” At that moment, all the fun memories of the past few days left my mind and I froze. Being under the impression that you were going to be, I was shocked at what I heard. The whole car ride I sat still, not moving or speaking. When we arrived home, I saw the marks of dried up tears on Mom’s and Mimi’s face. That night was cold and dark. As I laid in my bed, all I could think about was, “why”. Why did you have to leave us? Do you remember that, I sure do.
I wish you knew.
I wish you knew how much I love you and how proud I am to be your grandson. I wish I could listen to all your amazing stories all day. I wish you were here for all the exciting things in my life. I wish you were here for my first day of highschool, waving goodbye just like you did all those years ago on my first day of school. I wish you were here for my first Homecoming dance, helping me put on my tie and taking pictures of me and my date. I wish you were here for my first track meet, cheering me on in the stands. I wish you were here for my first time driving alone. Deep down inside, I know you were with me through all of those things. You will always be a part of my life. Did you know that, I sure do.
