Introduction
You know that one little word, smell, phrase- you know the ones- the ones that trigger a memory you try to forget but just cannot seem to let go. You argue with yourself about why you feel the way you do, and you are aware you should be over this by now but you just can’t seem to let it go. You know this other person in your mind is a million miles away and does not remember a single thing about you. You know, you have no chance in hell, yet here you are thinking about them and feeling that funny little beating in your chest. The one where you’re not sure if it’s a heart condition or the idea of that person. You daydream about all the possibilities, you have your children’s names picked out already. Ok, ok, maybe not that far, but pretty close. The thought of that person just brings you so much joy and contentment, and sadness, and indigestion at the same time. You are happy for them and their place in life, but you just wish you held a place in it as well.
Yep, it was going to be one of those days for me unfortunately.
It’s finally fall in the South, which was a big deal. That means that it may be 95 or it may be 65, depending and you may or may not need bug spray. It’s when all the women turned into the same person with the ugly hats and vests and knee boots. It was when men took on the appearance of lumberjacks with burly beards. It was my favorite season. It was cool and crisp in the mornings and at night, perfect for sweaters and snuggly baggy comfy clothes. The sunrise and sunset were the best at this time of year. Enough musing about seasonal changes, let us get to business.
I was packing my lunch and rushing to gather all my things and get out the door. As usual, I was running a little bit behind, I had a lot on my mind this morning. I had not been in a classroom in approximately a year. I had to get back in the swing and get on track to becoming an independent professor. As a 25 year-old assistant history professor and living historian, I thought I was doing spectacular. I was proud of the things that I had accomplished in my life.
I stepped outside and locked the door. I looked over to the townhouse across the way as the wind caressed my face. If I was sappy I would say like a lover, but I’m not really a romantic. The wind caught a few leaves from the nearly barren branches in the courtyard, and they lost the battle, landing on the pavement below. Watching the leaves float down to the ground, a familiar face popped into my mind. One that I had been trying to shut out for a long time.
Drew Cooper, he was “it” for me and always would own a piece of me. I could still hear his voice in my mind if I concentrated hard enough. I could see the crispness of his blue eyes, and the smirk that was habitually on his lips at all times. Almost like he knew one of your buried secrets and he was amused by it. He stood slightly over 6 feet, which spoke to my female cave lady genetics. Big man=protection. I laughed out loud at my musings as I strolled to my car, rolling my eyes at my internal dialogue. Once I got in and began to pull the car out, my mind drifted back to him and the memories came flooding back to me.
I met him when I was jailbait, and he was probably 20. Of course, I was underage so I became a pest, just hanging around and annoying him as much as possible. He gradually gave in and we became really good friends. I would have jumped at the chance to be more than that, but I quickly figured out that the friend zone is where I belonged. I knew the types of women that he was interested in and I would never fit into that category…even if he called me late at night sometimes and we would talk about everything. As I aged and went through my wild college years and 9 conversations out of 10 I was trashed but he was always there for me. Some of those conversations got.. Spicy… but he never made me feel cheap. We just vibed, talking to him was so very easy, especially when you had his full attention. As I grew, my infatuation with him never went away, no matter the distance or how long we went without speaking. We would have movie nights and just talk about life and everything happening. He encouraged me to follow my dreams in school and further my education. He could be so very supportive, but I of course was aware I was the exact opposite of what he was looking for. I met several of his flavors of the month and knew that I wouldn’t be able to fill those shoes. That didn’t stop my heart from secreting him away and keeping him there safe and hidden. It did not stop the longing, until one day I decided I was going to go out on a limb and try and tell him how I felt.
