Nuha,
You might not read this, or maybe you will. I mean who wouldn't want to know what a random stranger thinks about them? This stranger, one who has witnessed death since he was a child. This stranger, who has buried at least three of his loved ones with his own hands. This stranger, who has no idea who you are. How is it that this stranger's heart is so heavy at your passing? How is it possible that this stranger can not get over your death in a few hours as he has done so many times before?
I have sighed more times than i can count since you left. But why am I sighing? What did i ever know about you? I didn't know your life story. I didn't know if you were a good person. You have certainly not done me any personal favors. So tell me why I am this sad. Tell me Nuha, why it feels like I lost a sister. I mean, I have lost a sister before. A sister i saw regularly since i was born and guess what? I didn't cry. Tell me why I cried because of you, Nuha. You're supposed to be a complete stranger.
I have experienced the deaths of numerous loved ones, yet yours was only the third to bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. But why should i feel this way toward you? If i feel this sad, what about people who actually knew you? What about your actual friends? What about your children? How do they feel?
I feel guilty. Why should I be sad? I should rejoice. I should be happy that a stranger with a heart as good as yours is close to her creator now. I should be happy that while you were here, you tried your best to put good back into a world steeped in evil. I should be happy that so many other strangers on earth could point to one person in their lives and say; she was good to me, she had a good heart, she was always there. Don't worry, I'm coming over sooner or later, and you will have to answer my questions Nuha. I know Allah is taking care of you, just as he's taking great care of the only other two who's deaths made me feel such profound pain. Bye.
