S h e.

( N o w )

Holy shit. I don’t know why, but I just know. I know she has something to do with it. Frantically pulling out my phone I text her.

“Lillith what the fuck did you do.”

( T h e n ) { Oct. 19th }

Sixteen-year-old me was insecure, quiet, and confused. I would walk through the halls every day with my headphones plugged in and my head down. No one knew who I was, that is, until I met Lillith.

Suddenly my whole world changed. I went from the “loner girl”, the one that kept to herself to the girl who went to the coolest senior parties, the one that was hanging with Lil. But still, I was quiet.

I also accumulated two other friends. I wouldn’t have tried to talk to any of them before. We were the unlikeliest of “friends”, the only thing we shared in common being Lil. We wanted her. Needed her. Competed for her attention and manipulative love. Maybe we should've seen what would happen, should have seen that she would take it too far.

I was the second last to join Lil's group. I was also the youngest, everyone else being seniors.

I remember the day Mckenna joined our group. I was still the new one, the fresh meat, still having to prove my loyalty to Lil, and usually the one everyone made fun of. Except for Lil. She adored me, or so I thought. Always telling the other girls to back off, to shut the hell up when they thought bullying me was funny.

Lillith sauntered into the skating rink we agreed to meet up at, bringing an entourage of people with her. She had a habit of doing this, bouncing between friend groups and people like a trampoline park. We were her main three though. I noticed that there were five guys as well as a girl. That's when I noticed Mckenna. Her blond hair went halfway down her back, she was wearing a neon green tube top and black pants.

"Hey bitches, look who I brought," Lillith said, gesturing to Mckenna and Co. "This is Mckenna, and this is Leland, Josh, Logan, James, and Kade." Mckenna gave us a polite smile, and the guys were already looking at us, and our slightly risky outfits, trying to figure which one they would flirt with tonight.

Katelyn, leaned over to whisper in my ear. "10 bucks says they try to fuck you first, cutie pie. Maybe you won´t be so cute then." Katelyn was one of the main four, Sporty and athletic, she was on the basketball team. She was notorious for making fun of me for being a "cutie pie", the blushing virgin of the group, the "innocent" one. as well as the youngest, the only Jr.

"Fuck off," I said, brushing her brown hair off my shoulder. Lillith looked over when I said that, raising her brow at Katelyn making her back off.

The one named Leland ended up being next to me where we sat, and smiled down, making me, to Katelyn's delight, blush.

"So," Said Sara, "Are we gonna get this party started or what." Sara was the certified junkie of the group. Whatever you need, either she had it or could find a way to get it. She and Lillith met at a party because Sara shared her weed with her. Sara pulled out a bag of pills from her bag. Lillith took the bag from her, grinning.

"Hell naw, bitch, you did not." Lillith took a pill out and placed it on Sara's tongue.

I, once again being true to Katelyn's stereotype, did not know what the fuck they were doing. "Lil, what's that." This earned me a snicker from Katelyn. Lil just put her hand on my cheek and smiled. "They just make you feel good. Now open up." Obediently I opened my mouth. "Wider, tongue out." I raised my eyebrow, and Lillith discretely gestured at the guys. So she wanted me to put on a show, huh.

I stuck out my tongue and opened wider, and she placed a pill on her tongue and pressed it against mine, dissolving the pill between our two mouths. She tastes like candy, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had some earlier. She was known in our group for sucking on lollipops suggestively around guys. She then gave me one to take for real, and I swallowed it while still looking at her.

When I finally was done, I looked around to see the guys smiling.

"Daaaamn," The dark-haired one said. I think he was James.

Putting on our skates, everyone had taken at least one pill and I was beginning to feel good, just like Lillith had said. We were all skating in one big group going in circles, laughing at everything and nothing. I'm sure all the adults could see we were on something.

I was beginning to feel bold, and I took Leland's hand. "Twirl me," I said, spinning in circles while he, true to my request, twirled me.

"Slow down cutie pie, you might make yourself dizzy." Katelyn slapped my ass and grabbed me by the waist to stop me. Falling against her, we giggled.

Sara was putting another pill in her mouth. "You guys look gay as hell."

Katelyn laughed again. "And if we are," She said, raising her brows. She turned to me, pinning me against the wall of the rink.

Hoots and hollers came from the group.

Lillith laughed. "We don't want to scare Mckenna away now, do we, Kate."

Scare her away? There's no way Lillith wanted to bring another girl into our group. I was beginning to feel a little lightheaded.

"Hey I think that shit you guys are taking mixed with skating doesn't sit too good with me. Let's say we sit down." I looked over to Lil, waiting for her approval.

Lillith took my hand whisking me away and forcing me to start skating to the exit. Laughing the whole time, we finally found a table to sit at. Close behind were the guys and Mckenna.

Mckenna sat next to Lil. "Bruh I'm actually pretty hungry but my feet hurt too much to walk over to concessions." She giggled. "Anyone wanna go buy for all of us."

"I have a better idea. " The one called Logan looked over at the rest of the guys. "We ditch this place and go to the movies across the street. They have food there anyway." We all agreed and put our skates away. The attendant at the front door looked at us suspiciously as we walked out.

"Have a great night guys, be safe." He said. All he got in response is laughs.

We were waiting at the crossroad, for the cars to pass by before we crossed. Everyone was talking, and I saw Katelyn suspiciously close to James. I made a kissy face at her. She flipped me off and laughed, continuing to talk to James.

Lillith was laughing with Mckenna and Leland. Suddenly I felt jealous. Lillith was mine, my protector, the older sister I never had. She turned around and saw me staring, pulling me over.

"This one over here is only Jr. Isn't that right gorgeous," Lillith said, putting a stray hair behind my ear. She pushed me in front of her, almost putting me on display.

"Oh for real, I've seen you around school and you don't look like a Jr, but I guess it makes sense considering you're, not in any of my classes. " Mckenna said. Leland shook his head agreeing. When we were finally inside the movies, Leland moved closer to me. "How about you and I get the snacks while everyone goes and sits down?" He looked at me and all I could do was simply nod. He really was cute.

Sara punched my arm playfully. The rest of the group went inside the theater and Leland and I made our way to the snack bar.

"I don't think I caught your name," Leland said, grinning. "Unless your name is cute pie, that is." I rolled my eyes.

"Nah, Kate just calls me that. My name is Adelaide."

"Oh cool. So what are we thinking? Large popcorn and candy?"

"Works for me," I said, and he smiled at me.

While we were waiting in line, we kind of ran out of things to talk about. It was slightly awkward, not gonna lie. He slipped his arm around me. Real smooth I guess.

"What's that face for?" He asked, noticing me rolling my eyes.

"Really man, arm around the shoulders? Do something original." I stifled a laugh.

Leland started laughing as well. "I like you Adelaide, your funny." Suddenly he looked at me all serious. "Have you ever been kissed before?"

I looked back at him. I almost told him the truth. Yes, of course, I'd been kissed. But he seemed to like the idea that maybe I hadn't. "No."

And then he kissed me. It wasn't really sweet or romantic more..lustful. And then his hand moved from my waist closer to my crotch area and then up around my chest, and then I knew.

I knew what he wanted. And I didn't.

Suddenly Lillith came toward us smirking. "You guys are sure getting comfy." I quickly pulled away, and Leland moved his hand.

"You guys were taking a while, wanted to make sure you didn't ditch again." Lillith waggled her eyebrows.

"Actually we were just thinking of doing that," Leland asked. We had migrated further away from the line while we were talking and I realized we weren't even in the line anymore. And what the hell was he talking about?

"Oh, have fun then. I'll take care of the snacks."

"Lil wait," I said. She looked at me. I made pleading eyes with her. I suddenly had a bad feeling, and whatever euphoria I was feeling earlier was starting to wear off. I didn't want to go with him. Sure he was cute but...I wasn't feeling it like that.

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A/N ( Trigger warning, the rest of this chapter deals with S/A. If this is a too sensitive subject for you, I completely understand and hope to see you next chapter < 3 )

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"Want me to go with y'all? " Lillith flashed me a wink. "Let me just text Sara. She pulled me near her so I could see her phone.

She texted her, "Gonna ditch w/ Adei and Leland. Take care of the guys and Kate for me ; ) "

Walking out of the theater, we found a Target store to walk in, I walked closer to Lillith. "Lil, I don't want to be alone with him."

"Adei just chill, ok? He likes you it's ok." Lillith brushed my shoulder. "I'll leave you two alone"

" Lil no. You don't understand I think he wants to....do stuff." My voice trembled. I didn't mind if he wanted to, but I didn't.

"Just say no or something. I'll be in makeup if you need me." Lillith walked away.

"Lillith I'm serious." She paused. I barely used her real name. She paused just for a second, but then she kept walking.

Fuck.

Leland came up behind me and twirled my hair around his fingers. He looked at me and moved his face closer.

"Can I?" He looked at me. All he wanted to do was kiss, and he was asking me first so this was good. I nodded my head and in a second his lips were on mine.

It was going pretty good until he shoved his tongue in my throat. I dealt with it though, but then I once again felt his fingers near my crotch, and then by the waistband of my pants. I moved his hand with mine back to my waist but he kept moving it back.

Pulling away, I tried to tell him I didn't like it. He crashed his mouth against mine moving his hand forcefully back, this time inside my pants.

"Fuck Adelaide your so wet. You know you want it." Leland tried to get his hand further. I pulled his hand out, digging my nails in his skin.

"Get the hell off me. Leland stop it." He didn't stop and I dug my nails further.

He finally moved his hand. "What the hell bitch!"

I was crying now. "I told you to stop it."

"Why the hell are you crying, you told me I could." He looked angry.

"No, I fucking didn't. I told you yes to kissing me. Not...that."

"You're such a tease man. Fuck you and your friends." Leland walked away, I guessed to leave. I sat there and suddenly felt an arm around me.

Lillith wiped my face and asked what happened, saying Leland texted her, "Your friend is such a tease."

All I could do was cry. She wrapped both arms around me. "No baby no, c'mon we can leave, but please just tell me what happened."

I sobbed loudly. She lifted my face up, concern in her eyes. But something else too.....almost...amusement. Just like always, this was just a funny game, a dramatic T.V show. Just like always. She thinks everything is "fun" even if it's not.

"Lil..." I said, my words barely legible.

"Tell me Adei." She said.

"You...You left me." I said, standing up. "I told you I didn't feel comfortable, and you left me."

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A/N "Adei is pronounced "addy"